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How do you NOT care about what people think of you ?

I have spent my entire life as someone who worries about everything - including of what people thought of me...

I have lived as a doormat and someone who always tries to be nice, and therefore I have to end up doing alot of things I dont want to ( like if my cousins calls at the last minute for me to take care of her kids, i will drop what I am doing to help her - even though I dont like babysitting for her) ...

I also have some other people in my life ( like my SIL ) who needs a good telling off, but I always just have to be nice and nod because that is how I am ...

I dont like it anymore, I hate worrying... how can I change this? how do i get into that mindset?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:37 AM on Jul. 1, 2011 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I look at it like this - if this person has enough importance or significance (for whatever reason) in my life that their opinion of me or their feelings about me should matter, then MY feelings / thoughts about them should be JUST as important to them.

    In other words, yes, I should be willing to help them, because I care about them, but because they care about me, they should be willing to not take advantage of me...

    If a person has no respect for me, my feelings, my needs, my well-being, etc, then I'm not going to be able to change what they think. I'm either going to end up a doormat (which is not something that's going to earn respect - just encourage being used), or I'm going to have to pretend to be something I'm not - in which case, it's not ME they like, but who I pretend to be, which isn't good, either.

    Standing up for yourself doesn't mean you have to be rude or hurtful to others though, btw.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:51 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • I used to be like that. Until one day I realized that everyone has issues in their lives. So what if they think this or that about me. Their situation is probably just as worse as mine. Most people that always have something to say about someone are the ones that have to focus on others and their issues to get their attention off themselves.

    Answer by missthang42001 at 12:42 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • im the same way.... my new neigbors are really nice people, but I dont know how to tell them they are noisy !! its just not my style to go and bitch to people. its hard sometimes i know what you mean,...

    Answer by kokomaman at 12:42 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • I don't see nothing wrong with being nice specially with family. It seems that you are a very mature person who can get along with anyone. Two things are going to happen if you express your discontent to people who don't appreciate you, either they will stop talking to you OR they will for once and for all start showing some respect and consideration and they are going to think twice before asking you for a favor. What's gonna be?

    Answer by Cafemomoftwo217 at 12:49 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • There's nothing wrong with saying, gently and with love, "I'm sorry, I can't watch the kids on Saturday." If they ask why, you say, "we have other plans", and leave it at that. If they go off on you about how family is supposed to help each other, you smile and say - again, gently and with love, "I agree, and I do help you, however, this time, i can't. Family also be understanding when someone can't do something for you." If their kids are over and getting on your nerves, breaking things, etc - you tell them lovingly but firmly, "Suzie, I love you, and I'm glad you came to play, but the rules at my house say no hitting (or jumping on the couch, or throwing things, or whatever)." If they keep it up, you say to their parent, you know, it looks like Suzie is having a hard time following the rules... Maybe she's a bit tired and overexcited and we should get together again some other time.... Here, let me help you pack up..."

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:56 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • I used to be that way. I'm not sure at what point where I just didnt care what people think of me, it was more of a slow transition. I just got tired of being screwed over all the time. Just remember that no one else's opinion of you is any of your business. You also have to be ok with being called a b*** not saying you have to be one or will be one, but I seem to have heard that a lot when I first started standing up for myself. people are going to like you or dislike you regardless of what you do or say. If you stnd up for yourself then some will call you a b*** and if you dont some people will say you are push over.
    I had also went to the library many times over the past few years and checked out those self help books. Sounds stupid but some of those books did help put things into perspective.
    start slow, for one week say no to every one on everything, unless they are dying or bleeding all over, thats how I started

    Answer by gothmama91 at 12:57 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • smoke some weed and learn to tell people off without insulting them or swearing at them. it is true freedom.

    Answer by sophistcatdfury at 12:49 AM on Jul. 1, 2011