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4 Bumps

Why is "please bring your own snacks" an insult to her?!

My husband and I are on a low budget. We just bought our first home (yay!) and had to get a new car shortly thereafter because ours died (not brand new, used). We feed our 2 kids with food bought with money we work for. I babysit during the day, my husband works full time. We qualify for financial aid, like food stamps, but aren't going to go there.
My sister brings her kids over without having had breakfast and expects us to feed them. She lives free with my parents, has a car her ex's family gave her free, and gets so many food stamps that she sells some of them. She thinks because she is homeless and we have a house that we are rich and she is entitled to show up and get her kids fed by us. We have sent her to the McDonalds down the street four times in a row when her kids have said "I'm hungry!" and told her we can't afford to feed 5 kids, our 2 is enough for us. Every time we have gotten a pissy attitude, then she does the same thing the next time she comes over. We are fed up and refuse to deal with this any longer. We told her if she is coming to our house she needs to bring snacks for her kids, or feed them before she brings them because we are NOT feeding them. But we will continue to feed OUR kids in front of hers, so if that bothers her she can just not come over any more.

Now, she has started a facebook chain of hate against us with the rest of the family. She has been pulling the "poor little homeless me!" routine, and has several relatives running to her side. We dumped our facebook so as not to be bothered by it, but there is a big family cookout coming up and we are worried it will be a big mess, since we haven't been defending ourselves (and who knows what she has been saying?)


Asked by Anonymous at 9:10 AM on Jul. 1, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • Well I can see both sides. I'd be a bit peeved if you fed your kids in front of mine. (Even if I was a guest). I know if I can't afford to feed a guest I just don't eat in front of them. I was always taught you wait till they go home or you offer them something too. Food can be stretched. If you really need the food stamps get them. There is nothing wrong with that.

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 9:13 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • Stop watching her kids if she is acting so ungrateful and rude towards you and your family.

    Answer by bloomsr at 9:25 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • I can see both sides here. She definitely shouldn't be taking advantage of you and your family and she NEEDS to feed her own kids. On the other hand, I could not feed my kids and let my nieces/nephews go hungry and watch my kids eat - no matter what point I was trying to make. I hope the situation can be resolved.


    Answer by banana-bear at 9:25 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • Why in the world is she getting so upset when she has more foodstamps then she needs? Why doesn't she just stop at the grocery store and buy a bunch of snacks and food to keep at your house for when her kids are there? People with this false sense of entitlement really irk me. But I still wouldn't feed my kids in front of other children and not give them food, I was taught that you do not eat in front of others without sharing.

    Answer by AngelicaDem at 9:58 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • I don't understand why anyone is falling for her stories. Living with mom and dad and getting assistance, she has no excuse to not feed her kids. Not to mention I can imagine there is not much more immature behavior than trashing her own family on FB of all places. Whether to go or not is obviously up to you and your DH. If you don't go it might look like you're hiding. If you go and someone opens their mouth, that is your chance to defend yourself. You can have your say then all the facts will be out there.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 9:20 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • if any of the family has a stink about it, you could suggest they offer up their cupboards and home to her/her kids for their meals. she's taking advantage of you, and the only way to stop it, is to say, ''no''. she thinks you will feel sorry for her/her kids if they come over at mealtimes..she's totally got you pegged! tell her to come over at a different time, because like you said, you cannot afford to feed her family as well as her's.
    end of story. be strong and stand your ground. she'll soon find someone else to mooch off of.

    Answer by dullscissors at 9:14 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • maybe it's just me, but i've never been stingy about my food. everytime my niece comes over i gladly offer her a snack when it's snacktime, same for any other meal. when i babysit other kids or if my oldest has a friend over, same thing, i gladly offer food to them. my kids never go hungry because of it and i don't find myself screwed out of food or money...

    Answer by tnm786 at 9:31 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • Um yes its time for her to get a job and start to take care of the kids she has. My son is like this expects everything but does nothing. Its time for tough love its time to ask her if she cannot come over with snacks she cannot come over. Explain to her your sorry she is in the hard times but she also needs to recognize you and your family can do so much and she needs to care enough to try right now she does not care because she is in the poor me stage. GL Momma its time she did right by her kids.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:33 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • Don't let her come over anymore

    Answer by Jeswife44 at 9:41 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • i'm really confused.....if she's getting so many FOODSTAMPS she is selling them (which is ILLEGAL) then why does she have an issue bring food for her kids?......the woman is playing the poor me card and is sounds like it getting old......if she is a mom of 5 then its time to grow up and relieze she need to do for her own family....and as for the rest of the family if anyone mentions it , i would be asking if they've taken her & her children in yet? ......i find once someone is confronted with something the tend to back down.....


    Answer by cara124 at 10:01 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

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