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How to get him to realize he needs to do something?

My DH's brother and sister who are 13 and 14 came to live with us last month. Long story short, their mother was drug abuser and was deemed unfit, so my dh was able to get custody of them. I feel for the kids, I really do, with everything they have been through. I know what they need most is to be cared for. Problem is they are used to doing as they please, and it's not flying with me. They are quite rude to me and insult me on a daily basis. They come and go as they please and have a bad attitude to everything in general. My dh feels like he shouldn't crack down on them because he is their brother and doesn't have the right and he doesn't want to push them away. Well I say he is 28 and they are 13 and 14. He has legal custody of them, so he can make rules for them right? He is an adult and they are just kids, and need some direction in their life. How can I make him see this? I feel like tearing my hair out!


Asked by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Dec. 15, 2008 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • My sister came to live with us when she was 15 (I am 22) and she only moved in with the understanding that there would be rules. She was to do her homework when she came home, and had the rest of the day to do as she pleased, so long as her things were picked up. Her curfew on school nights was 9pm, and weekends was 10pm. She was allowed to stay at friends' houses, but I needed to know prior to her leaving (no calling 10 minutes before curfew to ask).

    The age gap between my sister and me is much smaller than your DH and his siblings. They are in your house, and he is doing THEM a dis-service by not providing them some structure that they desperately need. It is YOUR house, and they (and he) need to understand that.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 3:01 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • They do need discipline. I would tell him, either you start disciplining those kids or they can go live with someone else. They don't listen to anything I say and they insult me daily, I will not put up with that kind of disrespect in my house with MY children. Their bad habits are going to start affecting your kids. Would your hubby be ok with his and your children calling you names and disrespecting you?? I doubt it.

    Answer by feesharose at 3:04 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • I underdstand thathe doesn't want to push them away, but without discipline and guidance, they may be doomed to repeat the cycle that put them in your custody. I wouldn't say crack the whip but if reasoning doesn't work then a nice healthy grounding might.

    Answer by micrespo at 3:20 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Since they are used to not having rules and doing as they please, you are going to have to pick your battles and a few big rules that you will not give in on and start there. But your dh needs to be backing you up on it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on Dec. 15, 2008