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Ok so this weekend I finally got to spend some face-time with my long-distance BF. (We met at a wedding a couple months ago and have been on the phone every night since.) I went up to visit him and everything was REALLY GREAT, except for one thing. During the last year of his marriage (he's was recently divorced- I'm the first woman he's been with since then) he developed a bit of an ED problem. His doctor told him it was purely phycological due to issues with his wife (long story) and that it should be better with someone else, but it was still a problem. I tried to be understanding and not make him feel self-conscious about it, and by the end of the weekend (as he got more comfortable/less nervous) it did get a little better. But it still wasn't exactly running smoothly... anyone been in this situation? Or more importantly, anyone have advice on how to help him with it?

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Asked by esr at 3:25 PM on Dec. 15, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (6)
  • How old is he? is he taking any medications? does he get hard on his own? does he still masturbate? any better luck when you do oral on him?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • He had some meds, which he took, but he couldn't climax and would eventually just lose it. It actually worked best on the last day I was there when he didn't take anything... but it was very spur of the moment (kind of like, "let's hurry up and do it before it goes away.." lol) and while that's still fun, I don't ALWAYS want it to be like that.
    He's 36, yes he can masturbate, and no oral didn't seem to help much... I got the feeling that it was mainly because he was just SO nervous. It worked best when it was a low pressure situation, like when we were just laying on the couch cuddling.

    Answer by esr at 3:35 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • A man's nerves can play havoc on his sex life and once a man can't perform once he's always worried about it for whatever reason. He should probably have his testosterone levels checked as they can get too low and cause some problems. Some men just have issues like this that they can't help. I guess you'd have to weigh all aspects of the relationship before deciding to pursue or not. I dated a guy once who was 19 and had trouble. I can only imagine what he's like now. Anyhow, he should probably get a good check up, talk to the Dr. about the problem and see if it's something medical or just nerves. Testosterone shots have helped my friends husband a lot.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:43 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • just have him take viagra.

    Answer by melody77 at 4:17 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • My husband had an ED problem due to peyronnes disease (cured with large doses of vit E btw). The more it happened the worse it got.  Huge snowball effect. He got more upset and worried and it was this vicious cycle. Once the disease was under control, because there was a very real physical issue, it continued to be a problem. By then it was in his head. It took lots of patience. No expectations and lots of love.

    I think if you contuinue this relationship as you become more comfortable with one another the problem may work itself out. His ex wife must have been a piece of work Huh. GL.


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • If it's psychological - viagra won't help. Viagra only works if the problem is due to physical reasons such as certain medications that interfere with blood flow. With viagra - he still needs to be aroused and if he has some hangup over his ex wife or performance anxiety - it just won't work. And it sounds like it's in his head because he can get aroused when he is in a low-pressure situation. Maybe he just needs some time. It's tough when you guys are in a long distance relationship. So when you get together it probably increases the fear of performance.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 6:14 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

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