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What did I do wrong???

I don't know what catagory this belongs under.

Am I the only one that has experienced this?

Ok, so right after I got married and had a kid all my friends disappeared. I know that they just aren't very good friends, but really...is it me??? I got married and settled down before any of my other friends and it was like as soon as I told them I was getting married they all quit calling and inviting me places. I know I am guilty of not having a babysitter very often but it sucks. I have lost my social life and it is wearing on me. Has this happened to anyone else???

Answer Question
 
cphilp2007

Asked by cphilp2007 at 4:09 PM on Dec. 15, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • yes, i dont do anything, and i have no friends :). its hard when you have a child, especailly when you are yound and still going out and having fun, i was older when i had my children. i would call them and tell them how youfeel and let them know that you stil want to be thier friends and its okay for them to call and chat. they may not know you are still interested in them
    Thalie

    Answer by Thalie at 4:12 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • i don't hang out with the friends that dont' have kids...i talk to them on the phone or internet every once in a blue moon, but then again it could be because i moved out of state. before i moved though, when i got pregnant and married, i didn't really hang out with some, others i did. it all depended on who really cared if i was pregnant or not. it was the friends i grew up with that stade with me. when i go visit, though, i get bombarded with " can i see you, will you come over, ect.", so i make a day and a place to go and if people really want to see me, they come to me. lol. it's not easy lugging kids around everywhere!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • No you are not the only one. I had a ton of friends but when I had my son at 17 in high school I lost a lot of them. I now only have a few really good friends. We go out sometimes but they never invite me to their parties or anything. I am also married so my hubby can watch our son when he is home but still nothing. I joined a playgroup so that I could meet other moms that I have something in common with.
    Aidansmom2728

    Answer by Aidansmom2728 at 4:21 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • thats just part of getting married and having children.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 4:25 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • I have very few friends left and many of those that I thought were my friends, actually told me that they weren't going to include me anymore because I was pregnant/married, etc. Oh well that's life. I have a family that I love to come home to, what do they have?
    Kimebs

    Answer by Kimebs at 4:39 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • These things seem to happen when you are in a different place in your life than your friends. I also got married and had kids younger than many of my friends and found that we were just in very different places for awhile. Now some of my friends have had kids of their own and there are fewer issues. I would like to hang out with my single cousins more often but somehow when they are planning a night out they don't think to call the mom of three... at this point I realize that at least with my friends/family it's not a judgement on me or on the friendship, it's a matter of very different lifestyles/priorities right now.
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 4:48 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Yes all of them did this to me. Luckily one of my friends are expecting and it just so happens she's been my favorite, best friend all along so i'm happy about that..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:00 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Totally not your fault! And in their defense, it may seem harder for them to relate...I mean..you have a meaningful relationship and a precious family to boot. Lots of people find it hard to socialize after all that. A lot of my friends are in grad school or med school. Where am I? Halfway across the US with my husband making my own family. My bet is you find others to socialize in a whole new way. Now that I myself am married and settling down with my first bean, our social circle is shrinking. BUT youll have so much fun settling into this role! Once you give it some time, your other friends will surely see it hasn't changed you....but only their perception!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • First, yes, to a certain extent, this is normal. People change and grow, and sometimes our friends don't change or grow in the same direction or speed that we do. This is one of those times. They are still going out, dating, etc, and you aren't - you have a husband, a child, etc. Also, and I'm NOT saying you do this, but sometimes we as parents (esp. when we're new parents) find that our kids become all we talk about, and that gets old for our friends that don't have kids, so they start to drift apart.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:11 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • I would suggest staying friends / friendly with them, keeping the door open to eventually build a closer friendship again, maybe inviting them out on occasion (maybe once a month or something your dh could stay with the baby so you could go to dinner or a movie with friends). But, at the same time, I would also start looking into maybe meeting other moms with little ones, people who are at the same stage of life that you're at right now.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:11 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

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