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My delima, should i go to the party?

so my husband is deployed and his sister asked me to come to her sons 1 year old birthday party..
the issue... we havent talked in 6 moths because she became friends with the woman my husband had an affair with. she knew her 10 years ago and when she requested her on facebook she accepted, she knows what happened and when i asked her why she was friends with her she got all mad and took me off her friends list .. yes facebook drama. needless to say i was very hurt that she would disrespect me by being friends with the other woman and by choosing her over me on facebook. and basically in life. i don't know why she asked me to come to the party. probably so she can see her nieces. but anyway, should i go, knowing she is friends with the other woman and try to be civilized or just forget it. its a 3 hour drive down their and i would get a hotel cuz i dont want to sleep over at the inlaws,. what would you do?

oh my husband says i shouldn't go if i am gonna stay in a hotel cuz i could stay with one of his other sisters and he thinks the girls would have fun. He knows how hurt i was by the affair and the ways his sister disrespected me.. but didnt comment on that. should i forgive her an move on?


Asked by NaiveDream at 10:14 PM on Jul. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,403 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Regardless of the drama, I wouldn't go simply because it was a "long drive". (OK, for me, its not such a long drive, but still, its an overnight thing.) I don't care to stay in motels/hotels anyway, and I can understand not really wanting to spend the night at the in-laws. I would still send a gift for the little guy, if you can afford to.

    As for the drama, could she have thought you were trying to be snotty with her when you asked her why she had friended this other lady on FB? I've friended people I "know" but aren't really friends with. Just because someone is a "friend" on FB doesn't mean they actually stay in touch or chat with one another. It really is your hub you should have grievances with (and it sounds like you forgave him for it), not your SIL.

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 10:25 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • Hmmm, you didn't leave your husband over the affair but you won't even be friends with a friend of the "other woman". Isn't that a bit of an over-reaction. If you've forgiven him, maybe you should try to forgive her too, I mean, hell, he wasn't raped was he? It's really sad when things like this come between family. I suggest you put the affair behind you and go to the party.

    Answer by judimary at 10:17 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • Me, myself would not go... '

    I completely understand how hurt you would feel ...

    Answer by 2lilbumblebees at 10:16 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • This is how I feel about it. She can be friends with whomever she wants. They did nothing to her. As long as she is respectful of you by not inviting this woman to the same party that she invites you too, she is doing nothing wrong.

    As for the facebook drama, if you were that close, you wouldn't need facebook to keep in touch in the first place.

    Go or not, that is up to you but I would keep in mind that they party is not for her to socialize, it's about a child's birthday.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:18 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • I see both sides of the argument. The woman didn't do anything to your sister in law so why shouldn't she be friends with her? Plus if you forgave your husband the affair then you would have to forgive her too, otherwise you didn't really forgive him and you aren't over the affair. On the other hand, seeing the other woman might stir up some bad feelings and might just cause a scene and ruin the birthday party(assuming the other woman would be there) so it would be wise to skip it.

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 10:28 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • a 3hr drive in itself would make me not go. especially w/ an overnight stay


    Answer by Lynette at 10:28 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • It is totally up to you if you just want to go then do it for the kids, but this one is a toughy... Hmm? If it were me...Hell No!!!
    Your sister in law is a cold person. Trying to invite knowing damn well what happened she is being inconsiderate about your feelings so what if it's about the kids the baby is too baby to know it's having a party.GL
    Stay home with ur kids and have your own party.

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 10:30 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • So you LET him cheat on you.... interesting.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 11:28 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • i didn't let him cheat!

    Comment by NaiveDream (original poster) at 11:31 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • There is NO WAY i would go to a birthday party 3 hours or not. Birthday partys are about gifts to kids and thats the only reason you would be going. Send him/her a card with a gift card in it. Thats crazy that she would even send you an invite ! Wow

    Answer by Amberlovesher3 at 12:10 AM on Jul. 2, 2011