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How does one cope with your husband supporting another woman/her kids, clubing and not helping his kids?

I'm legally married but seperated now a year. My darling husband left us (kids & I) and moved with another woman and her kids. I never call him however; yesterday he called the house to speak to our boys (miracle) and in a civil tone of voice I said " I never call you, bother you or ask you for anything however; the kids really need to go to get reg. physicals, see a dentist, they need clothes because they are growing like crazy and need money for extra activities. I pay all the big bills and I don't have the extra for co pays, activities etc". His answer "well I'm going to tell you right now I don't have the money". I'm like I know you have worked on and off for 8 mths and you don't have a dime. I filed for child support and it can take up to a year - what help. So, how do I stop thinking/getting upset about this whole thing? He thinks he's hurting me & he's hurting our kids. Your honest advice is appreciated.


Asked by Jeannie29 at 5:25 PM on Dec. 15, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • I would hope you see the light and are moving on. I say, give the child support time and hopefully that works. File for divorce. I don't understand why people do this, but you aren't alone. Know you are setting a good and strong example for your kids and do the best you can. I'd also see if you qualify for any type of assistance Don't be to proud to ask for it, and ask others for help. You sound hard working and are doing the parenting for 2. I hope it gets better.


    Answer by Teachermom01 at 6:19 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • That is a difficult situation. I don't know what to say other than find a good lawyer. That is the only way you will get anything and you deserve it. Don't feel bad.

    Answer by TurksMommy at 5:32 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • This woman for one, does not support such a thing. I would not put up with it and it simply would not happen in my life. Sorry.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:32 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • It hurts to see someone having fun and taking care of a slug verses his children. I have no repsect for a woman that does not care or motivate her man to be responsible with his kids. The least she should do is say, "call your kids, go see them or take them something but she does not allow him to do anything." I think it's his fault becuase he need to put his foot down and tell her even though I'm with you I need to take care my kids in every way.

    Answer by Jeannie29 at 5:39 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • My older kids dad is the same way. I just had to learn to deal with the fact he was a loser. My kids are teens now and guess what? Now hes coming around after I dont know how many women and kids hes supported that werent his own. Now his children want nothing to do with him. I think you need to just realize hes a jerk and that hes the one who is going to miss out in the long run. Your kids are better off without him and you will be ok. It will probably always piss you off, but you cant change people and when I came to that realization I just didnt care anymore.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:43 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Divorce him and get some child supportout of him. I would tell him don't call  the house any more. Scene he won't help financially. That you don't want to talk to him or see him


    Answer by louise2 at 5:47 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • I've been through a similar situation, I supported my daughter myself for 10 years and tried and tried to get child support with out any results. I had a co-worker who was in the same situation and she became disabled and had to file for public assistance until social security kicked in. Bang! With in a month she started getting child support from both the dads! Interesting right? Well, I thought I'd give it a try, so when I took a break from work to get ready to have my baby, I went and filed for assistance, I didn't need it because my BF (now husband) makes a bunch of money, but anyway, sure enough, when the state starts floating the bill she sudenly care enough about your child support to go after it, I've been getting CS for almost 3 years now!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Why haven't filed for child support? Are you're doing is enabling him to get away with being a deadbeat dad. But I wouldn't prevent him from speaking to the children because he doesn't pay... that punishes your kids more than your ex.

    Answer by RCrohn at 5:52 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • RCrohn - She said she DID file for child support but it can take up to a year!
    I'd divorce him really. If he is living with another woman then that means he has moved on && I think you should too. You deserve someone who will care for you! Good Luck!

    Answer by CourtneyAnn8690 at 5:58 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • I'm going to have to get over it eventually but I work sometimes 7 days to make ends meet, I could be with our kids those extra two days. I just figure if you have money to drink and maintain another woman you should have for your kids. I gave him th divorce papers and 8 mths ago and he said he did not have time to sign then, then said what if someday we wanted to get back and the last one is "I want you to have my benefits" lol. As mothers we hold so much, when our kids are young they don't understand. If I tell him don't call he will tell our kids that I told him not to call, it happend once. My kids and I have not seen him in almost 4 months and he lives 35 min. away.

    Answer by Jeannie29 at 6:09 PM on Dec. 15, 2008