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4 Bumps

What would you do?

I came home from a long day. Earlier in the day I got a call from my grandmother tell me a family member was looking for me. I gave her a call back and she told me that my half brother that I have not seen in 14yrs was lookinkg for me she gave me his number I called him I had not seen him since he was a newborn. His sister just died so seeing me was a suprise and a blessing he came home with me I was so happy I wanted to spend time with him. My husband who does not have a relationship with his mom because of ungforgivness on his part but he has no relationships with any of his family there is so much to the story but it all on him that he dont deal with them. Anyway its about 11pm at night he was cutting his hair after he was done he calls me in the room to clean the sink from the mess he made there was hair on the counter top and in the sink I was tired I really didnt feel like cleaning so I told him I would do it in the morning he then told me how long it would take to clean his mess so he can get in the shower because he was tired and wanted to get in the bed what should I have done he got mad and cleanded the mess hisself. He feels that because I am a stay at home mom that whenever he ask(tell) me to do something I should do it. I was a small mess but If your asking me should'nt I have an option to say when I will do it. What do you think. we have been togaether for 9yrs and have argud for most of those yrs but things are more clear to me now that I not full of low selfesteem, anger it so much more but for now I need advice because I have made a desicions to leave him based on how he thinks and belittle me.

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kshine80

Asked by kshine80 at 12:10 AM on Jul. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Just because you are a stay at home mom doesn't mean that you are his slave. It is one thing for you to clean the bathroom on your normal schedule, but if he decides to cut his hair then it is his mess. If you feel like you are being disrespected and belittled it might not hurt to go to couples counseling before actually leaving him. The most important thing to do is communicate honestly with him and if he still is demeaning and belittling then it might be time for a separation.
    amandajoy21

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 12:19 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Wow sweetie! I do not know a man who would be angry at his wife for not cleaning up his own hair he just cut. It sounds like he has a lot of problems he needs to deal with on his own and if you feel that he is taking it out on you then I agree with your decision. I really do wish you the best with your situation. Stay strong!!!
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 12:21 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • thank you that is just the most resent he fills he wright about the I didnt care he didnt take intrest with my brother his sister is in the hospital needing a heart transplant and he never called his mom but like you said he has problems and Im trying not to make it mines like I've done in the past I;m just build my temple and I dont want him to tear it down again. the next day was ok after that but I new it would not be the end of it I wen to a family member house and took my brother to meet my family that was the only thing that kept me going. he called me and told me he was hungry I told him I had food for him he said he didnt want that food I thought he was playing beause he ate it befor when I got home I was about 9ish and he ask me to make him somthing to eat I was fustrated because everythong was frozen he got mad and said I got an additude and walked off I humbled myself siad I would cook befor I leave next time
    kshine80

    Comment by kshine80 (original poster) at 12:35 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • it still kiept going and that was last week today is friday and he still feel hes wright.
    kshine80

    Comment by kshine80 (original poster) at 12:37 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • His hair, His mess...He needs to clean it.

    CONGRATS, on your brother......Hubby can just "GET OVER THAT".

    Family, is Family. PERIOD.
    SissyAnn141

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 12:58 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I would tell him it was his mess and better clean it up. He might want to mend his relationships with his family because once they die, it will be too late. Tell him he will feel better and may be less resentful of you being able to have a relationship with your family. He is being a real ass. Don't play into it. You offered to bring him food. That late, he should have made himself a sandwich or something. IF he is a real ass all the time, I would leave it he didnt't change his ways. Maybe you should take a weekend away so he can see what its like to be without you. Somethimes thats all they need.
    BrendaW.

    Answer by BrendaW. at 1:22 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I like BrendaW's idea about taking a weekend away, you obviously have a good relationship with your family so maybe spend a weekend with your parents or something and let him try taking care of himself, he is an adult not an infant who needs your constant care but he doesn't quite seem to realize that. Tell him how you feel, tell him you wanna try counseling if he gets all pissy and won't go for it then leave his sorry ass you deserve better
    DianeMary

    Answer by DianeMary at 3:14 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I agree his hair his mess. Tell him where to stick it
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 2:56 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Thank You !! so before moving into my new appt he told me he didnt want to be with me it was hard because I didnt understand the change but he has always said things like that but aplogize later saying he was mad so I dont take him to seriouly when he would say it. So it tool almose a month for me to except that the marriage could me over because so many times when I'd say ok he'd change him mind. well this time I moved and he didnt come at first oneday droping my son off so he can take him to school upon leaving I looked in his car and found a recipet for a hotel I comfronted him he came clean but I was not allowed to talk to the other person. Wht bothered me was I cheated 3yrs ago but he'd done the same but I got the raw in of the stick I went throug hell for the last 2yrs and he continued to be dirty to me I was filled with so much convition do to me spiritual relationship Im not mad at him more than I mad at myself for
    kshine80

    Comment by kshine80 (original poster) at 1:26 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • allowing him to treat me like shit because he could because he came back to me told me I needed to work hard to prove myself. well during that time I was asking God to reveal myself to me build me and he did so from the last post I realized that I couldnt take it anymore there so much more but the best part is my desicion. we have not talked but he woke up to have sex with me I didnt kiss him we didnt talk for two days after that finally a chance came and he was still feeling like he was right for the sink and food incident I told him I had enough you cant have sex then tell me dont ask you for nothing you can have my body but
    kshine80

    Comment by kshine80 (original poster) at 1:32 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

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