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6 Bumps

A little help/advice/encoragement... please?

I'm so sad and confused. I feel neglected. Ready to be back home for my 7 week vacation with my girls and have my family around. We have been in Georgia a whole year now and I still have no friend and no life. Going to take some much needed time to think and reevaluate where I want to go in life and what my expectations are. If it comes down to it, I may just stay in Tucson and start fresh with my babies. I need to pick myself up off the ground and get motivated for the future.
Pat and I just don'e seem to be on the same page anymore. I love him to death. He complains I don't do enough around the house, I complain he doesn't show me enough affection. In order feel llike doing more than the bare minimum, I want to feel loved and appreciated. And he says in order for him to want to do those things for me I need to clean more. I don't work that way. I'm depressed, lonely and homesick. He works all day and I'm stuck at home with no vehicle. I'm just not happy, and apparently neither is he. I don't know what to do. I want more for myself than just being inside the house with kids all day. I love my girls, but they need a mom who is capable of much more. I'm supposed to be a role model and I don't have shit to show for what a great life I'm living. No accomplishments. And to top it all off, Pat is anti-marriage. No commitment what-so-ever. I dont NEED to get married, but something showing we are in this for life would be nice. Without that I kinda feel like I'm wasting my time. 6 years with him and all we have is a relationship where we coexist. We love eachother so much, but I just don't think we are right for eachother anymore

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mommacierra

Asked by mommacierra at 4:14 AM on Jul. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 10 (445 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Sounds like you answered your own question at the end. You're looking for more than he's willing to give and that is hurting you. It also sounds like you've talked to him about this before and nothing has changed. Perhaps moving on is the right answer for you at the moment. You need to be happy to, and it's a good thing that you want to show your children a happier mommy. Good luck in the path you choose.
    Tommyskitty

    Answer by Tommyskitty at 4:25 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • 6 yrs is a long time to just call it quits. It's easier to just run away than to work on the problems at hand. Both sides have to give. I used to be a SAHM myself, no car and like you, I felt lonesome. I felt my job as a sahm was our children, clean home and healthy meals for my family. My husband worked and provided for us, so that was the least I could do. I struugled through it, focusing on family first. I went on walks with the kids and met other moms. This is how I made my friends. Don't give up, fight for your family. You'll be glad you did. My husband & I have bn together 32 years, married 28. The one thing I learned is th grass isn't always greener on the other side. Water your grass and it will grow, I promise :)
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 4:32 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • You need to do what is best for you and your children and if he isn't willing to try to make things work than you are better off moving on
    DianeMary

    Answer by DianeMary at 5:29 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • being depressed and feeling alone can color everything in your world an ugly color
    and it can rob you of all your energy
    take time to visit family and friends
    get your energy level back
    tal to him and decide together after you have some energy restored from family and friends
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 7:46 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I think it depends on where you think your sense of self comes from. Some ppl feel it comes from being a good parent, some get it from a job/career, some get it from charity work, etc. It sounds that you get it from having a job/career in order to feel accomplished. I wouldn't confuse that issue with relationship issues. If he's dependable, loyal and provides for u & your family then I wouldn't give up. It's not too late to get your sense of self/accomplishment. Try to look into going to school, either part-time or online. Even with a certificate or an associate's degree, you will feel like you're working toward something & have something to show for it. Fill out a FAFSA (free financial form from the gov't) to see how much financial aid you might get in loans/grants to see if you can afford enrolling in school part-time. I would suggest maybe taking 1-2 classes at time at first. You are responsible for what ur happy with
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 7:58 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Since you've re-assessed your situation, I would say trust your instincts and do what's right for you and your children. If you can get help fom family members back in Arizona, I'd say pack up and go. It doesn't mean you are necessarily ending your relationship, but it will give you time away from him to self-exam what you want to do with your life and how to go about it. It will also give him time to decide what is right for him. I really didn't necessarily want a marriage; we were living together. However, I gave in and had a small wedding. I don't regret it to this day; we'll have been married for 32 years in August and together for about 40 years come September. We have 4 grown children, too. I agree you should look for what's available for you in Georgia; a year is not that long. Weigh the pros and cons of heading back to Az.. If you want the best advice, seek a professional. Good luck!
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:59 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • i'm sorry you're going through this. but maybe it's better you get out of that situation, seek God/Christ and establish a relationship with him. then, maybe he will either lead you back to your guy or he'll lead you to someone else.

    you may need to either express or RE express to him what you said here in this forum. he may need a 'marry me, do right by me, or else' speech to get him in gear.

    once again, i'm sorry for your situation, but if it makes you feel any better, at least you guys aren't married yet so there's still a chance for your happiness with someone else if HE doesn't get 'it' together.
    HappyHmsklNapps

    Answer by HappyHmsklNapps at 9:27 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

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