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2 Bumps

Do you think I should?

Alright, so I have a three year old daughter and I'm a single mother. The daughter of a family friend, who is only sixteen, has recently discovered she is pregnant. Her boyfriend is refusing to do anything for her and she doesn't want the child and told me she just wants to have an abortion. I have always been heavily against abortion and told her that if she would carry the baby to term then I would adopt it. She's not sure at the moment. She's going to start collage in the fall and is planning to move to New York, where her parents are following, and she doesn't know for sure if she wants to even have the baby. She's almost to far along for an abortion so she's trying to decide now. Her mother wants her to just give the baby to me but she doesn't want to be bothered. My mother thinks I'm insane for even offering but I was serious. I love being a mom and I would rather adopt someone else's child then for her to have an abortion.

What do you think?

Answer Question
 
Razzle_Dazzle1

Asked by Razzle_Dazzle1 at 6:52 AM on Jul. 2, 2011 in Adoption

Level 18 (5,775 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • My sister is going through the very same thing with a young girl. I applaud your efforts in wanting to raise a child instead of allowing her to have an abortion, but be financially prepared. Even though she is willingly giving her child to you, there are still legal fees that have to be paid to seal the deal. It's not cheap, my sister and her husband have spent over $5,000 on lawyers to get the paperwork done, and the child won't be born until next month. Again, I applaud you, and I hope it works out the way you want it to. Have a great day!
    kustomkrochet

    Answer by kustomkrochet at 7:02 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • If it's truly what you want and know you can handle, then go for it. You might also consider a temporary adoption. It sounds like the daughter isn't so sure about giving up the baby. It sounds like she wants all or nothing to do with the baby. I would advise you to be prepared if the daughter may change her mind about wanting the baby back after she's signed it over to you. If you are okay with that, then proceed. I would have a deep discussion with this young lady about this possibility and what would happen in the event that she changed her mind years from now. Explore every possibility and be prepared for each one. It may involve costly legal disputes. Good luck and god bless you for trying to help her out.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 8:20 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Id do it. Were trying to do that in fact I dont havent met anyone close enough to me in that situation to ask.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:37 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I think it's a wonderful thing you're considering. I'd do it if you truly want to take on another child and have the means to do so. :-)
    tspillane

    Answer by tspillane at 8:55 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Well, here is your first lesson in adoption....waiting for information and having something completely out of your hands. It is wonderful of course that you are openning your heart and home to a child who would need that. At this point, you have no choice but to wait for this young woman to make her decisions. From what I understand this is an impossible situation for her and she needs TLC and understanding whatever her decision. Good luck to you all.
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 9:53 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I'd do the same as you! I hope she does not decide to abort, especially as there is someone who wants and will love and care for the baby. I hope she chooses to let you adopt! Good luck!
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 10:05 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Ultimately this IS her decision to be made. Both are quite disheartening to do, and very personal.
    Having done both...it is/was most heart-wrenching,devastating, to lose my babies to adoption. Neither decision is one to be given opinions on, IMHO!
    However, when a woman chooses to carry a child she is NO longer thinking of terminating an unviable pregnancy, and therefore is thinking of parenting, not adoption...unless she is being pressured/pursuaded to do so. Carrying a child, creates bonding, and the decision is made with loving her child, with hopes and dreams,not to carry and surrender it to someone else, most times:)
    I hope and pray you will attempt to stand BY her, no matter HER decision, without pressure:) I also would hope IF she decides to make her pregnancy viable and carry her child, you and the rest of her friends& family will help her to find resources to help her keep her baby, not take it, JMHO,CJ~
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 11:01 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I agree that it is HER decision. I think whatever personal feelings you have against abortion you should not try to influence her decision.You can let her know she may or may not regret having an abortion. However, relinquishing a baby is also a decision that is often regretted. Although you said she doesn't want the baby, is that really the case or is she just scared and fearful about becoming a mother, (which is very common for a woman at any age)?

    Let HER make the decision as to whether or not she is prepared to have this baby. Then help educate her about the parenting vs. adoption options. Parenting at a young age is not easy, yet, even 16 years old can parent well if they are motivated and have some support. Becoming a birth mom has lifelong and painful consequences that neither you nor this young woman may be aware of.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 12:10 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I would adopt the baby....
    momof2redhedz

    Answer by momof2redhedz at 12:52 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • MOMOF2...Of course you would? However, would you consider rolling a die, and allowing your child to go live with genetic strangers , who like yourself, wish to parent at ANY cost? It is not a decision to be made until AFTER you meet, and greet your child and spend time with child. Hormones are very powerful and cause us to make decisions that are seemingly s"smart' at the time, but AFTER about 3-6 months, ar enot so smart after-all! If you have not surrendered a child that you have fallen in love with, it is unfair to 'offer up' this opinion. Sorry, it is what it is...HER decision, and only if SHE decides, NOT everyone around her. IF WE are all good, loving kind potential 'wanna-be' parents, WHY are we not offering any young woman guidance with support, resources and education...after all we all know a child belongs with its very own natural GOD given parents, UNLESS harm, drugs, safety of the child is an issue. CJ~
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 8:51 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

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