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2 Bumps

Friends/ Postpartumdepression

A friend and I got together yesterday because we haven't seen one another for a while we haven't really been speaking to one another. My friend has been frustrated with me because for the past year since my child was born , she says.. I never keep plans or dates,which I have apologized for. But I feel like she does not understand at all what it is like to have a child. Well simply because she doesn't have a child so she doesn't know. I just feel like she is not understanding at all.

A few months back we made plans to get together for a walk I was going to bring my daughter who was 8 months at the time.( She is now a year old. ) I was on my way to her house.. Got the baby ready, got myself ready and was excited to see my friend as well as have a good visit. I stopped at the bank first went to make my baby a bottle cause she was crying I picked her up out of her car seat and she had pooped and got it ALL The way UP her back!! I didn't have a new change of clothes.. I had to turn the car around and go home I canceled the day and went home. I was going through an emotional day because it had taken us all morning to get out of the house it was just one of those days and I just cried the whole way home and took care of the baby when we got home .

My friend later called and said how mad she was that I had canceled and that she had been fed up with me not keeping plans. The truth is she doesn't understand that After having my baby I had some post postpartum depression and all I needed was someone to understand not get angry with me..
So getting together yesterday she said made some comments that bothered me which I should have spoken up at the moment and just told her how I felt but instead now its a day later and I am thinking on it all and I am now on here sharing it because I need feed back or for someone to say they have been through this or something...

One thing that bothered me was she said to me " well you how are you going to have a 2nd child if you had that much of an emotional time with your first!?"

I was shocked she asked me that and maybe its a sensitive topic because I did have a tough time with my first but I will be damned if I am labeled " Unable to enjoy, or have more children because of my difficulty"

It has to be said I had a baby that was born in the winter months had ONE car to get around and my husband had it for work. We live in a one bedroom loft.. try being secluded in your house every day maybe getting out once a week with the baby. I had a hard time.

I don't know if I should make plans to get together again to tell her that her comment bothered me or to just let it go and forget about her friendship all together?? Your Thoughts.




 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:44 AM on Jul. 2, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I suffered from ppd! No one understood! What should have been the happiest days were tainted by weepiness and feeling overwhelmed. I now have two babies, and I didn't experience ppd with my second! As for your friend, until she has children she will never understand the ppd (or maybe even after!) Or she'll never understand what it takes sometimes to orchestrate a day out (the numerous bags, the snacks, the diapers). And now my eldest is special needs, and when we're having a bad day I have to cancel! I no longer have anyone in my life who doesn't understand, I'm not saying cut your friend out, but I wouldn't make plans with her any more. You have enough to deal with without your friend having a tantrum because your plans changed! As for her comment about having more children, it just shows how little she truly understands!
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:27 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • It is sooo hard to be in your situation :( I was there last year after my son was born. None of my childless friends, and actually none of my friends with children, understood how hard it was. My own sister, who went through severe depression (actually thinking about driving her minivan into a lake with him in his car seat) didn't understand. She thought that if I just took medication it would be all better. I was breastfeeding and refused to take any medication that was strong enough to do anything. As a result, I still have some depression problems now. But we have our 2nd baby on the way, and I am doing much better now that my son is mobile and so much fun to play with. I hope things get better for you. There are people that understand your situation. You could try a local church or something to meet some other moms. A lot of them have depression problems and would understand.
    alphamom26

    Answer by alphamom26 at 7:55 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • thanks ALphaMom26. I am so much better now that my baby is a year but the first 6 months were rough.. I would just cry every day.. now we go out go for walks.. now that it is summer. Anyways I definitely need to meet more moms. Its crazy how people just don't understand at all..
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:06 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Your friend seems to want to be there for you. You can't blame your friend for not having children and not being able to understand your situation. Before your child was born she was your friend and now she is still your friend. Nothing has changed other than that fact that you are a mom. If you truly believe she is a good friend then work things out.
    About your baby did you think that it was going to be easy? It is hard work but you get the most amazing reward which is seeing your child growing up and ending up being the person that will admire you the most. :)
    Cafemomoftwo217

    Answer by Cafemomoftwo217 at 8:14 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I understand hun! hugs from chicago to you! i had my third baby this past january...she had to have surgery and wasn't even 2 months old...i homeschool, do all the driving for the family, i have a son w/cerebral palsy (he's 9yrs old and was born at 28wks) and i have a 4yr old born at 33wks and she's a hand full! my point? by you being a 'new mom', you are new to the game, you are smoothing out those rough edges and meanwhile trying to find 'your groove'. YOU will, and you will be fine! try praying and then sending her a letter expressing how you feel about her, your relationship with her, how you value you and hers friendship, and then LOVINGLY let her know that she was wrong and you were hurt by her words. don't be like me and hold on to hurt and anger from the words of a friend for years...it won't do anything but make your time (when time permits) that much harder because then you won't want to be around her. good luck!
    HappyHmsklNapps

    Answer by HappyHmsklNapps at 9:22 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

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