Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

How do we move on from the dream?

Any other moms out there find it hard to accept that the romance is...over. My husband was the most romantic guy out there to me. The songs he'd send, the letters he'd write, the long conversations about love and soul mates, it was so..us. He's make my pores raise with his words sometimes..
Skip to four years later, married with a child.. and the romance is over. I understand that life changes and people do to, but sometimes I wish he'd make more of an effort for us.. He loves sex, but he isn't into any of the mushy stuff. He hates to watch love stories and whenever I try to reminisce with him he gets bored. I have tried to talk to him about it many times but he's like I love you, I'm married to you, I'm living my dream and I am happy. There's no need to look back. As for the romance part, he claim he doesn't have time because of work and family stuff. I understand that we've gotten to busy for a lot of things but I think I'd still find time for certain things, but its just not that important to him anymore..
Am I crazy??

Answer Question
 
gutterflower585

Asked by gutterflower585 at 9:05 AM on Jul. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,406 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • a lot of me are like that. they think once they have won you they don't need to do anything anymore. I would suggest that you tell him you need more kisses and hugs, or just more affirmation that he loves you once in a while, tell him that you are a woman and your needs are different then his. or you could make a super big deal about every little loving thing he does and maybe he will start doing more.. its a hard one.. some times you have to ask. ask for what you want. i had to tell my husband i wanted a kiss good by every morning and it starting being part of the routine.. also some times they take us for granted. good luck
    NaiveDream

    Answer by NaiveDream at 9:11 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Many men aren't interested in heart to heart talks. And they are called "chick flicks" for a reason- they appeal to girls not guys. Tell him that you miss the romance, which I think you have already done. Also get away for a weekend- stay at a nice bed and breakfast, all you have to do is to stroll around and to decide where to have dinner. It doesn't have to be far away, even an hour or so.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:21 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Well first, I would count your blessings that he isn't being unfaithful to you as many women have to do deal with worse issues, but I do understand the need to have romance in your life. It sounds like he was being honest and maybe you can think of ways to find more time for you two to be alone. Maybe get a babysitter/friend or family to babysit for your kids for one night. Find out what he likes as well and try to make him happy. Taking the initiative can lead him to try to do the same for you. If he's into football or baseball for example, get him tickets to his fave team's game. Maybe it's your time to be romantic with him since you say he was romantic w/you before. It's okay to take turns and maybe he'll get back into the same routine.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 9:24 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • See now, this isn't the popular opinion, but I do think you're crazy. The effort he's making now, the work and family stuff, is way more important than poems and long soulful conversations. But instead of being happy that you have someone who does have a good work ething and commitment to family, you're all hacked off because he doesn't throw rose petals at you anymore, and in my opinion, that is crazy. Do you ever tell him how great he is for those things? You might find that if you did, he would actually BE more romantic!
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 9:31 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • This is the thing, HIS happiness isn't the only thing that's important. You have to be happy too. It's great that he's committed to you and is working hard for his family, but he isn't being a good husband until he's making an efort to make sure that you're happy too. Both of you should do things to make the other person feel happy and fulfilled. An example of this is in my marriage, my husband's primary love language is words of affirmation, and I think of that often as I'm talking to him, I do what I can to make sure that I give him what he needs to feel loved. My primary love language is physical touch, so my husband thinks of that often and does what he can to make me feel loved.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 9:46 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • You are not crazy and the rat race has gotten the best of your partner, open his eyes and tell him how it use to be......
    older

    Answer by older at 10:12 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Thanks for the women that understand. To fistandantalus, you have no idea what you're talking about. I show my husband appreciation all the time. I tell him how good he is and how happy he makes his family, I'm there for him 100%. All I am saying is I would like to still feel like if I'm more than just his regular supply of sex sometimes. Its nice to feel appreciated, and romances once in a while. he wants to have sex every night, but now once will he put a little effort into it. You know maybe play some nice music, and dance with me.. You know SOMETHING!!! I am not asking for it every night, just once in a while.
    gutterflower585

    Comment by gutterflower585 (original poster) at 10:26 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Date night once a week. Get a babysitter. No cell phone except for emergencies.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:57 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Stop fucking him until he gets the message. It's not rocket science.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:29 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Oh I see. The title of your post "How do we move on from the dream" and your question about accepting that the romance is over was actually code for "Tell me that I'm right and he's an asshole".

    You asked how to accept that the romance is over. I said, appreciate what he does do. But that's not what you wanted to hear, you wanted to hear that the romance should never be over, ever. Pardon me for answering the question you actually asked instead of blowing rainbows and unicorns up your ass.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 6:39 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN