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My daughter and I are not on speaking terms and the other day when I wanted to see my grandchildren she said the younger one was acting up and I couldn't see her but I could pick up the older one from daycare. They are leaving to visit dad for the summer and this would be the last opportunity. She accused me of favoritism for not picking up my grandaughter at daycare. I just wanted to se both before they left. Am I being selfish?

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Asked by carmenq55 at 10:02 AM on Jul. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • You should have picked up the one that you could. Basically you just played an immature game with her saying if you couldn't have it all, you won't take anything. I too am a grandmother. We need to learn that if we raised our children the right way, they will probably choose the right things to do. Maybe they don't, but they are THEIR children. We have raised our own and we have no business telling them what to do. Guiding them, giving them advice, but they have to choose on their own.

    Answer by attap5 at 10:06 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • No, you aren't. She is by not making an exception and allowing you to see them both.

    Answer by TARARENEE at 10:06 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • – collapse
    Asking your entire question in the title line is ANNOYING. There is a second spot to continue your question after stating a short/simple title.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:12 AM on Jul. 2, 2011 (hidden) + expand

  • I'm not going to say you are Selfish but, you probably should of went ahead & picked up your Granddaughter at daycare- she probably would have let you see your other one when they got their self together.. Please take this advise.. find a way to work it out w/ your daughter- no matter who was Right & who was Wrong- Not being on Speaking Terms will effect your Grandchildren & Nothing can be that bad not to have them in your life- (your daughter too!) i have not spoke to my Mom in 5 Years b/c she is Selfish & made me feel Guilty about Every Single Thing that didn't go her way- the last time she decided not to speak to me was the Last b/c my Heart could not take anymore- don't let that happen to you & your Daughter.. Lots of Luck:)


    Answer by daisyb at 10:13 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I personally think you both are in the wrong here. Although its not right for your daughter to withold visits etc By you not picking up the older one & taking the chance to visit with the one child doent look good on you. It looks like you are being stubborn & immature as well which may only drive your daughter away from offering you to visit with either child again in the future. I hope things get figured out for you & your family though for the sake of the little ones.

    Answer by Mel30248 at 10:15 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • While I understand your point I also understand hers. If her child has been acting up and she did not want her 'having fun' until she calmed down or got her act together than that is her prerogative and JOB, to teach this child that acting up makes you kiss out on things. IMO you should have agreed to pick up the older one and ask if you could visit with the younger one a bit when you dropped the oldest off.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 10:17 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • you did not do favoritism since she was the one that said first of all you could not see the other one cause she was acting up. You have a right to see both of them and even if the youngest was acting up she should have let you seen her anyways. I know hard. People we love can hurt us like this is just not right. I just found out my husand wants full cusotdy of my 3 girls just to get back at me. People need to fight with people and realize kids are all innocnt through all this. You have a right to see them both.

    Answer by momindiana at 10:17 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Not talking over this? Really? There is not much in this world that would keep me from talking to my adult children. You should respect her parenting choices even if you dont get them entirely. I think she was trying to protect your feelings by lying to you. We all do that, she just got caught. I hope you are not really showing favoritism, thes kids will feel that big time and that pain will run deep.

    Answer by ochsamom at 10:26 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Not selfish but certainly petty. She is the mother. she made a choice as the mother-you could see on e and not the other since the younger one needed to see consequences for her actions. You also made a choice-to not see the grandchild that was available. The best thing to have done would have been to pick up the older child and then talk to your daughter about perhaps allowing you to pick up the younger one later in the day with the agreement that you would adhere to whatever privilege loss your daughter had assigned.

    Answer by fourisplenty at 10:28 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I also think your behaviour was petty...sorry....if the youngest child was acting up then it's the mothers right to keep the child from being able to do fun things as part of the punishment...why should the child be rewarded for bad behaviour? Even though I definatly want my children to have a great relationship with my mom I've also kept my daughter from going over there if she has been acting should have taken the opportunity to spend a little one on one time with the oldest but now you've kept yourself from seeing either one

    Answer by Lucky209 at 1:29 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

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