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I'm Tired.. *VENT*

Okay, so when I met my husband.. we got along wonderfully.. and to tell you the truth I miss those days.. and we've only been married for a year.... but I am tired of pretending to be happy still.. I am tired of actin like I can handle him.. his family... and his "friends". You see... When we dated.. he was different person.. and we hung out with OUR friends and we hardly seen his parents.. but once we said we were getting married... it ALL changed.. his mom is like everyday in our face.. calling.. showing up randomly... or we HAVE to go over there.. and trust me.. I have tried the "honey, why dont you go over there and let me stay here to do a few things" .. it wont work.. he gets mad and says I dont want to be around his family.. but yet when I say I want to go to my parents.. I can go by myself... I am tired of EVERYTHING being a double standard.. I do NOT appreciate him having all of our life and issues out there for his parents to put their two cents in on.. I do NOT appreciate being able to spend day after day at his parents but bc my parents live 20 min further than his we see them every other week unless my mom comes up to see the kids.. I DO NOT appreciate being told that I do nothing bc I go to school full time and I clean the house and I take care of the kids with NO help at all.. I told him when we got together that the only way it would work is IF AND ONLY IF he was willing to be in a family.. and to me a family means spending time with just us.. MOST OF THE TIME ..and occasionally seeing our other relatives... not every damn day... and not saying only what I want to do is important.. I want to go watch a movie.. guess what. we wait until it is out on dvd.. he wants too.. guess what .. we go to the theatre... and when I say well I dont agree with that.. guess what "well you can go to the movies if you want" really soo everything I want to do i can either do alone or not at all.. how great are you? If i have an opinion it is the WRONG one and his and his parents thoughts are golden.. I mean it is one thing to teach your child to be proud of themselves and confident its another to teach them that they are better than everyone and if someone thinks differently then that person is less than them and not worthy.. I am so sick of seeing how he puts people down and saying "we are not likeminded and I dont want to be around people that think that way.. they are stupid." Also, I think that having friends is perfectly OKAY but when 9 out of 10 of the girls are someone you have slept with and they still flirt like hell with you.. your keeping them around for the wrong reasons... trust me.. i cut off any ties to guys that i am interested in because I know that me talking to them (in that way) is only because I want to have a back up plan.. i have done it pretty much my whole life.. but when I said I do that meant forever..no back up plan needed.. ... nothing is good enough for this man.. and i am tired of ebing cut down and made feel like I am nothing.. not worthy... and ignorant.. i am tired of competing for the spot that should already be mine.. # 1 .. i should be first.. my thought should be valued more than others.. and I should be the one that you try to make feel good about themselves.. instead it's like I come dead last.. I mean after his MOM (who is #1) then his dad.. then his buddies.. then people he sees occasionally then strangers then me.. if I even come then.. hell some random dog could probably bark and he would be right instead of me.. I need to break away.. i need to find myself again.. the fun loving independent me.. the person who tells this stuck up family to shove it.. I need my personality back.. i need my life back..

Answer Question
 
Ross2010

Asked by Ross2010 at 11:24 AM on Jul. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,420 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Well, from the sound of it, you already know how you're going to handle this...
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 11:33 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I feel for you. I have been married for 10years to a person just like that. All about him, his house since just a housewife, watchs the money, well going through a divorce now since got tried of being dragged down with him. You need to happy so try to fit in the things you liked to do now and then if you can. I just find out and was blindsided with papers that he wants full custody of the kids. So be happy and do things you liked to do, try new things, be happy and do not let him drag you down. Write anytime and I will write back. Do what you have to do to be happy since you count.
    momindiana

    Answer by momindiana at 11:34 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • All of this you are saying is a control thing. his way or no way. Do you really want to go through this the rest of your life?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:37 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • See, this is why dating is basically a huge waste of time and effort. Traditional "dating" leaves open the opportunity for someone to intentionally misrepresent themselves in order to score some p*ssy and/or find someone to marry, because the relationship has all these boundaries and labels attached. When you just live your life and have relationships that are just people being people together, you avoid all this crap.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • ANON- I think that any relationship is pointless... I did not feel this way before.. but now.. I see that to be happy... I need to make myself happy.. and not have the stress of worrying about anyone else.... not worrying about what he wants to do or what he thinks of the things I enjoy or the thinks that bother me.. For example, his parents to walking into my house (into my bedroom) when ever they like..even if we are not here.. bothers me.. he thinks it's stupid because they are family... my parents do even do that so why would i be okay with your parents doing that... the fact that we are friends with his high school sweetheart means that it's okay for pictures of them all over each other to be put up for all the world to see and that I am immature because they are like brother and sister and those pictures dont mean anything now..it was like 10 + years ago.. i guess when two worlds come together... one has to dominate??
    Ross2010

    Comment by Ross2010 (original poster) at 11:46 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Gosh, part of what you wrote sounds like my lift. I can't leave for many reasons but I can take control of my own life. I started going to a group called Celebrate Recovery. It's not just for people who have addictions. It's for anyone who is hurting and feel like their life is out of control. You will find peace within yourself and learn how to not let him get to you. It is a faith based group, but it's not necessary to take part in that if you aren't inclined to do so. I lived for so long having to be someone that the other person wanted me to be I found myself after 40 trying to figure out who I was. I was gone from who I really was for so long I didn't even know who I was anymore. It's made a HUGE difference in the way I handle things and has made an enormous impact on my self-esteem. Good luck to you. I know how hard it is.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 11:59 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • The first thing I would do is to stop letting him bully me into doing things I don't want to do. When he wants to go to his parents, tell him you aren't going. Barring tossing you over his shoulder, he can't make you go. If he's angry, that's his problem! Go see your family when you like, I would go alone! It's obvious he's not interested in your family, and I'd bet money he's an ass when you go to see your family! I think you should reconsider your relationship, a man that is so much about himself could never be a good dh or father! At least not without a lot of time to grow!
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 1:59 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

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