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3 Bumps

HELP how to handle demanding FIL....kinda long sry vent lol lol

Ok im kinda young (21 lol) so not sure if ill get better at this with time or what
But my husbands family is driving me CRAZY!!!!!!! His dad is a total ass to me, like screaming and yelling at me in the middle of very public places because my husband and I (and our daughter) were going to visit my dying aunt over the 4th of July.; things ended up working out and we're going to be home for the weekend now he's demanding we spend every minute with him and his newest wife, also for us to go on a 4 hour away camping trip (knowing i am due at anytime, he says if i go into labor then its ok the whole family is there to be with me, FYI 'the whole family" means him, his newest wife, her daughter and her 19 and 22 yr old boys, who he is demanding they all are in the delivory room with me.....GROSS i know!!!)
i have no problem spending some time with them but im due in 5 days and really dont want to be sitting in the sun at rodeos and a lake while they fish all day and im stuck in the sun with my huge belly and a 1 yrd old!!!
Ive tryed talking to him about this but he's just an ass about it! Him and I are already fighting (he likes to call me a B**** when im not around because i dont follow his every command) so adding this on top of it; isnt helping anything...

Help please!! lol lol im at the point right now i just want to beat the crap out of him til he understands you dont treat people like this and that my husband and I have our "own" family too, in addiotion to my family...its not fair or ok for him to demand like this

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Jul. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • Your husband needs to stand up to his dad. It's time. You are his wife his father shouldn't be talking to or about you in the ways that you describe.

    My sons are all adults, and although I would like to spend holidays, special occasions, and some weekend time with them, I know they have their own lives to lead, and it doesn't always work out as I would like.

    I wouldn't have wanted to go camping when I was pregnant....let alone due in days. It's time for your father in law to respect you two as adults, and really your husband needs to make this happen. (How old is he? It can be hard for a young man to stand up to his dad).

    Anyway, that's my two cents. Good luck, congrats on the baby and wishing you an easy, healthy delivery.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:20 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Is your DH behind you on this or on the fence? Because this one, and future issues, will best be handled by being united. It sounds like he is pretty toxic. I don't blame you for not wanting to be too far from home at this point and sane human being should be asking you to. You and your DH need to decide what you are going to do, whether to go visit, but skip camping or what and tell him those are your plans and just not allow him to change that. Also, remember YOU control who is in the room. No one, not even your DH has a right to be in there if you don't want them to be. There are a couple of other forums that might be helpful- one is motherinlawstories.com, mainly MILs but there is whole section for FILs too. and etiquettehell.com they have several strategies for dealing with toxic/impossible people.
    Fairierose81

    Answer by Fairierose81 at 12:26 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Oops - any sane human shouldn't be asking-
    Fairierose81

    Answer by Fairierose81 at 12:27 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • my husbands 21 also, and saldy he's on the fence....he thinks that if his dad says he needs or has to do something he does period, no questions asked.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:31 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I'm sure it's hard for your husband at 21. Do your parents try to run your lives as well? Are they in the picture? How would he feel if your parents told you guys you had to do things constantly? What if that conflicted w/ what his dad wanted? How would he decide then?
    I'm also assuming that you 2 live on your own.

    It's important to be respectful of your families, but it's also time for them to see you as independent adults. Just as his dad clearly was in charge of his family, your husband is about to become a dad & it's time for him (& you as partners) to take charge of your family.

    His dad doesn't get to decide how you spend your holidays & especially not who is in the delivery room. You 2 get to consider their 'requests' and make your own decisions. Family is important......but respect is a 2 way street. Your needs are important as well.

    When you get married your spouse should come 1st. Unless spouse is disrespectful..
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:43 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • You're going to have to help your husband grow a pair...because that man is beyond ridiculous. He calls you a bitch? Wow, no respect whatsoever.
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 12:44 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • no my parents try not to get involved too much, they feel that its our time to figure out "our" family, and who we are as a married couple and as a family =)
    And if my parents told us we had to do things like this he would freak out!! If it conflicted, he would choose his dad no matter what the situation was,and yes we live on our own lol lol

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:47 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Your DH needs to stand up to his dad and tell him that he, DH, is the man of your household and that none of you will be going anywhere with FIL this summer. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't want my kids around FIL if he calls you names. That is teaching your kids that it is okay if they don't have any respect for you.
    dustbunny

    Answer by dustbunny at 12:49 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • This question should be about how to make your DH grow some balls. You shouldn't have to do all this arguing. Tell them all to stuff it up their a@@.
    Kimedbs

    Answer by Kimedbs at 12:52 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I don't have much new to add. The other mom's have said what I was planning on saying.

    1) If your father is being so horribly disrespectful of you your husband really does need to grow a pair and tell his dad to knock it off.

    2) YOU, and only YOU get to say who's in the delivery room. Just tell the nurses who you want and that anyone else can just WAIT!

    After I had my daughter I had a parade of people coming to visit while I was in the hospital. Even if they were family the nurses would come ask me if they could come back to see me or not. The only way they got passed the nurses was if my husband brought them, or I said in advance that so-and-so could come back.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:17 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

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