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Have you ever felt like you hated a stepkid and felt like it was your husbands fault?

I am so aggravated, we have had our share of difficulties and my oldest son who is 18 now and hasn't lived with us for 5 years, came to visit this weekend and his truck broke down. We are low on money but my husband always finds ways to pay for his son to play hockey and use my suburban to haul him around in and pay for gas,.....but my son needs help and I'm suppose to clear it with him because NEWS FLASH WE ARE BROKE. I said well we arn't any broker than we were last week when you spent $300 travelling for hockey. But he made a commitment to pay for hockey so that just became a priority and I'm not supposed to be upset about it. Screw my son because he is 18, BTW his birthday was this weekend too and we were too broke to buy him a gift, not too broke for hockey though.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:09 PM on Dec. 15, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • Continued....Our house is a disaster, we never get a break from his kid who is 13 and needs him to do everything. I feel selfish but I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE WITH HIS KID FULLTIME, this kids Mom can't even stand to be around the ungreatful little brat. He didn't even have his kids before I came along. We bought the kid a coat yesterday and he told his dad it was gay and he wasn't going to wear it, I said fine freeze. My husbands response well your kids wouldn't want to wear it either, it's not a snowboard coat, HIS KID DOESN'T SNOWBOARD AND MY SONS GOT THEIR COATS FOR CHRISTMAS 2 YEARS AGO, THEY TAKE CARE OF THEIR STUFF. So I am really beginning to resent this kid and the fact I was making slow progress on a steady schedule with him and now we just went backwards 3 years and I don't even care. Am I a jerk, I posted anonymously so you can bash me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:12 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Did I mention that I have no say in the money that gets spent on his son either. Where is something to throw, I need something BIG.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:14 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Freaking divorce that guy. If he is gonna be that selfish to pool all of yalls money into his little BRAT! then screw that, take half is money in the settlement and ditch him.
    collegemom1007

    Answer by collegemom1007 at 7:16 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • I'm not going to bash you because I've been a step-mother. All I can say is it's really hard to be a mother figure to someone else's kid. Add on top of that the fact he's a teenager, yuck. You are correct, your husband gives all the resources to his kid because he feels guilty.

    They didn't invent "The Wicked Stepmother" character for nothing, lol. As the step-mother, you get to be the fall guy, unfortunately. I doubt this will change so maybe from now on you should set a little money aside secretly each month so you can help your son out when he needs it.

    Good luck! Hang in there. The kid will grow up eventually.
    pugpin

    Answer by pugpin at 7:19 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • I would if we didn't have a 7 month old. I sometimes totally forget why I fell in love with him, he is a slob and he is judgemental of everything I do. Unfortunately we are up to our @ss in debt so I'd just be getting half of something I can't pay for because my job sucks now and I am making half what I used too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:19 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Oh yeah I am definetly the wicked frickin step mom and I hate his kid and I don't make the spoiled little sh*t feel welcome, right. Maybe I am just too drained to give a sh*t if his greedy little brat isn't getting enough attention.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:21 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • LOL, ok, didn't mean to laugh, by the last sentence was amusing....So sorry for your trouble, truly, tho. I'm a step parent, but mostly, my hubbies kids are on their own, and I have my youngest still at home (14 yo boy). I do understand your plight, tho. Hopefully, venting, helps. :) And I've no cause to bash you. This won't give you an answer but maybe an understanding of "why". Remember that when a man doesn't live with his children (b/c they live with mom), the father usually has some kind of guilt complex so they do all they can when they can.
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 7:24 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • continued....That means spending money they don't have. My ex does the same thing, even when he doesn't have the money, he attempts to throw the bank at our son. I have trouble appreciating it, b/c I feel like it creates a bratty me-me-me attitude with children. But dads don't see it that way. Not sure what the answer is. As a financial councelor (me), tho, it might help in your favor to create a working monthly family budget that would set aside monies to pay for what he feels is important and what things YOU know ARE important.?? :)
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 7:24 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Well I definetly suck at managing money so he does it I have tried to separate the finances but he wants me to pay half the bills, well when I am making the same as he is that's fine but I am making half what he is so it is favorable to separate our finances and he says he can budget hockey when he's not paying MY BILLS, and when I asked him how his son's hockey became more important than my son safety, drivin 4 hours in 20 degree below zero at night with a truck that is overheating. He says, "Your son doesn't live here ever and that was his choice let someopne else pay like his Dad."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:31 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • I meant it isn't favorable to separate our finances.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:32 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

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