Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

How did you tell your family that you were leaving your SO?

Since Christmas dh has been a complete ass. He went three months without even touching me at all. I did good to get goodnight kisses. He also went that whole time without saying I love you or anything. he would make comments like "did I ever tell you you're the worse mistake I ever made" and about what a bitch I am, and how much he really just don't like me. After awhile I finally told him if he wanted to leave he knew where the door was. And then some how because I said that, I ended up being the bad guy. He has gotten a little better.. but not much. I think it's mostly just because he wants laid. And I refuse. he is not going to treat me like that and then expect me to have sex with him. Sorry not gonna happen! And honestly I think he has a gf anyways. Anytime I try to talk to him he just says what a bitch I am and blah blah blah. I'm too the point where I am just done... I don't care anymore. My skin crawls every time he touches me. I don't even want to be in the same room with him. Even he did magically snap out of whatever is going on, I Don't know if I could go back. So many hurtful things have been said and done. I just want to move on with my life. Now that being said... I have not been telling my family what has been going on. They know some things, but no where near everything. So this whole time my mom has just been bitching at me to make it work for dd (18mos). But I know if I tell her then she's going to go running her mouth to him and try to make it a big deal. Then I'm going to have the whole family nagging me about him and talking trash. And I just don't want that. We have a baby. We need to keep this civil. But if I just up and leave then I'm still going to have to listen about how I didn't try and I should have made it work. I just don't know what to say to them. I want them to know the truth. But I don't want it to be a big issue. And part of the issue is that my family is very very racist, they don't like dh just because he is half black. So I KNOW if I tell them everyhting the first thing I'm going to hear "well that;s what you get for marrying a n......." and I hate that. But I know that's what they are goin to jump on. Should I be honest and take all of their negativity towards him? Or should I lie and listen to them bitch at me for not making it work?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:03 PM on Jul. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Too bad you can't just leave all the negativity behind you. Your family's negativity is not going to help you through this. Do you have some friends to support you through this? I would just tell your family you split and the reasoning is between you and him.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 1:07 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I really want to leave the negativity. I'm not mad or upset. I'm just done. And I just want to be able to move on with my life. I think we will be so much happier. I do have some friends who can support me and help me out. I know it's not going to be easy. I just don't want there to be any bitterness or anger. And I know with my family, no matter what I do, there will be.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:15 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Family meeting! I'd call everyone who is important in you, and your child's life, and let it all out. Tell them what has been going on, and what you have been trying to do. Lt them know, you understand it is important for your little one to have a dad, but it is also important for you little one to see mommy respected, loved and happy. Let them know, you aren't holding a grudge, things just didn't work, end of story. If they want to be negative, and gossip, then don't call complaining to you. You are doing this for you and your child, and everyone who loves you and your child, should understand that. Good luck mama, and chin up!

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 1:22 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • You can't please everyone, and YOU need to make sure YOU are happy. Screw what everyone else thinks.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:33 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Before the baby, how were things? It could be that you have been hormonal because of the pregnancy and the changes your body has gone thru since. Baby is still little, and that also places a strain on marriages. He could be jealous of the attention you give to the baby. You must have loved him at one point, so perhaps you need to think back to what made him the best for you, see if that memory still gives you tingles, and either decide to correct the relationship and forget and forgive the comments from the past. Sometimes we hurt each other and we really do not mean to. Thats not unusual in marriages, especially when you add a baby to the mix. Sit down with him and tell him you want a heart to heart talk. Open your heart up and tell him how you feel. Listen to what he says and maybe you can reach a place where you can get back together and have the best relationship you ever had. Its worth a try before you quit.

    Answer by BrendaW. at 3:00 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I know you want your family happy with your decision but just remember your the one that lives with him. They do not. I am currently going through a divorce right now and told my family and they are behind me 100%. Write anytime and I will write you back. Just be honest with your family and I am sure they will behind you and support what ever you do.

    Answer by momindiana at 3:11 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Your family needs to respect you. This is YOUR life, YOUR child, NOT THEIRS. YOU have to do what you feel is the best. It is, frankly, none of their business WHY you choose to leave him. If he treats you badly, and the only reason you haven't told them about it is because you know they are only going to make things worse, then that is also YOUR DECISION.
    When I was with my ex, (we were living with my mom) things were so bad, I did tell her everything that he was doing and she didn't do a damn thing about it. So I left. Talk about a shitfit. Oh well. She didn't wanna help me get out of that situation, so I did what I had to do to get out of it!
    So stop worrying about what they are going to think and do what YOU feel is best for YOU and YOUR CHILD.

    Answer by chavela_carlita at 11:54 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Your marriage is between you and your dh. When a partner is insulting and degrading you daily, what is there to work on? And when you leave him, if you do tell them you were verbally abused and they bring race up, you remind them that crappy, abusive men come in all races! Let them know if they can't be supportive of you and your decision then you'll have to limit contact. You have to do what's best for you and your baby. Don't worry so much about what others are going to think about what you do, somebody is always going to disapprove. You have to do what is best for you and baby!

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:43 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.