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3 Bumps

Step children and love and caring...

I love my 2 stepchildren. However, their mother is a piece of work and has managed to get it in her sons mind that Daddy is abusive. She has gone so far as to put scratches on his neck to be able to call cps to make a report. My better half is way too gentle to ever hurt a child, especially his own. We have talked with the children's attorney to see what they could do. My problem however, is not a legal issue. It is an emotional one. The son is now 4, he was 3 when incident occured. I believe that at 3 he knows the difference between a lie and the truth. And I have been having alot of conflicting emotions about this child because he repeated his mothers lie and told cps that it was his father that hurt him. I realize it isnt completely his fault because he is just a child, but I still hold him accountable for hurting his father like that. I know its probably wrong, and we have discussed it, but I still cannot get over feeling like this....any suggestions??

Answer Question
 
hnaused2010

Asked by hnaused2010 at 9:20 PM on Jul. 2, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 8 (211 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Yeah really you hold him accountable for a grown adult using him someone he trusts and he thinks is doing the best for him? Someone who he loves and does not want to be on the badside of okay.A three year old has an understanding but not the level to do something about it.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:32 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • He was 3! They may have an idea about lies and truth but they do not fully understand the concept. He was used by an adult, the only one who is to blame Is the adult because she did know better!
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 9:41 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • no don;t blame the child.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 10:21 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • thats what i keep telling myself, but its still hard to accept on a different level. my problem i think is i compare him to my kids, and all of mine were mature enough at three to understand the difference. he still doesnt know the difference between yea and nay and he is just now learning how to talk. his mother is a useless b***h but cps has not taken them away yet....
    hnaused2010

    Comment by hnaused2010 (original poster) at 4:24 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • He is 3, seriously... having any issues with him or thoughts about him knowing the truth vs. a lie and such is, well... stupid, to be frank. He was 3!!!
    LoveMyBlessings

    Answer by LoveMyBlessings at 5:29 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I think he is too little to be held accountable. In fact age four is when a lot of little and big lies are told by children. If the child were ten or fourteen, then that would be different.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 11:16 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I completely understand what you're going through. I know of a mother who tries to pull this crap too. she plays constant games with the father saying things like the children claim they're being hurt by the father and his SO. she's nothing but an attention getter, definitely suffering from Munchhausen's by proxy. she's just butt hurt that the children want to spend more time with the father and cry when they have to go back to their mom. this mom really needs serious help. I feel so sorry for the kids. they're the ones who are getting messed up by her behaviors. people like this don't deserve to have children IMO.
    mmsfirstone

    Answer by mmsfirstone at 7:38 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

  • Well he is 3 and either his father is hurting him or his mother is telling him he did. I think your DH needs to be the adult in the situation and realize that it's either HIS fault because he did it or mom's fault (and only HE knows which one it is) but NOT the boy's fault.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 7:55 PM on Jul. 6, 2011

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