Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Using the kids as pawns?..

Have you ever used you kids to get back at you DH?

I personally could never bring my self to do this..but i have a close friend and when ever she and her hubby fight she will take it out on her child and use him as leverage. For ex. she denys hubby the kid, or tell her daughter right in fron of hubby, that daddy dosent want to ___ because he dosent love her and mommy any more.

It drives me crazy and i feel so bad for her daughter (she is 3). I have confronted her on this but i get the "my kids" speech, or the "she has to know the truth" and that her husbands a bad husband..


Asked by MonkeyMommyNJ at 3:15 AM on Jul. 3, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 17 (3,934 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • No, I dont and wouldnt I think its wrong on so many levels, I dont care what goes on between 2 grown people in relationships, you dont involve the children, children shouldnt have to carry the load of their parents- keep them out of grown folks business whether your married or separated it makes no difference- keep them innocent for as long as you can, bare your own burdens.

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 4:27 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Yes but in harmless ways. Sometimes if I can't wake him up, I'd tell my daughter to go wake him up. lol but those who use them to get back at their husbands or wives are just psychotic. Our room mate's ex is the same way. She tries to use every reason in the book to nail him for child abuse just so she can have full custody and get all his money.

    Answer by Imogine at 3:19 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • No, that's messed up! =( DH's ex does that w/ the kids. IDK if she's actually said anything like that to them (probably has knowing her ghetto/trashy ass) but I know that she's kept the kids from their father simply b/c he was dating me, and she wanted him back. He finally quit giving her child support (on his own accord) b/c she wouldn't let them see him. They're 13 and almost 12 now, so he gives them the money for whatever they need/want. Their mother actually lets them come one day per week for a few hours. That's only b/c she got married right after DH and I did, and he talked to her and said that they've each got their own families now, and he wanted her to let him see his kids.

    Answer by SAMNMAYASMOM at 5:37 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Srry I ment to write use HER as leverage..i have a son i get so used to writing HIM

    Comment by MonkeyMommyNJ (original poster) at 3:23 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Nope...its not cool

    Answer by rinamomof2 at 5:29 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • My ex would put himself first. Example, I paid for the kids to go to a started camp for two years. The third year, they coukd go for a week. Well, one weekend to the next, affected his weekend. He expected me to go get them from camp, they'd miss the last night and closing cerimonies on Saturday morning. This was him being selfish and not thinking about what was best for the kids.
    These are things he'd do - thinking he was hurting me.
    Made my son miss every-other soccer game one season, cuz they were on his weekends. Our son had played soccer sence he was 5. He was 9 at this time.
    I never pulled any suprizes, he just choose to disrubt their lives.
    Think, it would hurt me and not considering the kids feelings.

    Answer by SassySue123 at 10:24 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • From an outside perspective, I notice that once the child reaches a certain age they usually retaliate on the parent who is keeping them away from the other parent. I did a mental tally in my head and can recall 4 instances I know of where some of the children are adults now and some are still children. All of them prefer the parent they were kept from. A child does not understand the feelings that the "hurt" parent feels so they tend to side with the one they are kept from seeing. Maybe you can try to explain it to her that way? I would really hate for her kids to choose to live with the father when they are old enough.


    Answer by Gingerwheel at 2:32 PM on Jul. 3, 2011