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How can I tell if my soon to be ex hubby filed for custody of my daughter? I live in Sacramento, CA. adult content

We split last year he was very abusive mostly verbally (not that it matters abuse is abuse) and wouldnt let me have my other kids 2 boys at the house.I had a temp. restraining order and I ended up having to move back in the house,only because I didnt have anywhere to go and my family is flaky. He ended up getting batterers treatment program (18 months) and I moved out when he was about 6 months in (1 yr. ago) I left ,he wouldnt let me take anything. I didnt wanna go to court because I have been through it and to me it seems like it can cause more problems and sometimes the system is set up for a one size fits all and it didnt work for me.**** Ok fast forward 1 year I have had her the whole time I got an apartment trying to make it have my kids with me daughter in preschool and has been for 2 years against his wishes and our agreement was and has been he picks her up at school Fridays and I pick her up at his house Sunday evenings. Sometimes he doesnt even pick her up and has a million excuses. Anyways, he got laid off 2 weekas ago (i think fired) and so hes been making comments "lets get back together blah blah blah", im like "no thank you" my guess is hes having money problems and just needs help so he was mad because I have been straight up with him about not wanting anything from him, so he goes to the school wednesday after threats all day tues. and takes her.**I have made it very clear that he is only to pick her up Fridays** but this day it happened to be a sub. teacher and she even tried to say wait a sec let me call her mom and my ex said " NO IM TAKING HER" now she called me right after and i tried calling he wouldnt answer and next day changed number and wouldnt answer phone. Since i dont have court order the cops cannot make him give her to me so I waited to see if he would cool off. a week and a half later after going every day I finally see him tried to talk no luck and i was in my car he held her tight and let her reach to give me a kiss, i said oh my goodness let me hold her why are you doing this you know im not unfit and ive never kept her from you **oh and also he hasnt given me one penny for her all year!** so he let go and i whispered are you ok to my daughter and told her to twll me in my ear and she was scared i havent seen that look since he and i were together and she would be scared that he yelled at me! I asked do you wanna go with mommy she said yes and my son and daughter were crying so i asked please let me just take her back home she lives with me why are you doing this he said no and started taking pics of my license plate so i said she wants to go im taking her and left....


Asked by lovemykids916 at 3:38 AM on Jul. 3, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 3 (18 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Usually custody isn't awarded until the divorce hearing, until then either of you are entitled to have her legally. To find out if he's filedyou can call the court system and they can tell you if it's coming up on the docket .Be very careful of this man it sounds like he's escalating from verbal abuse it's easy for them to cross the line my ex did. You can go and file for temporary custody for all 3 children until you go to court to have all of this settled. I hope I helped and Good Luck and Stay Safe!!!!


    Answer by starfire59 at 8:29 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I am so sorry that is happening. All I can say is get a lawyer and go from there. I think there are free legal advice websites that can help you if you cannot afford one. I can't say for sure what is going to happen but if your ex doesn't have a job and has problems in the past he probably won't get full custody. I also think you can file for some sort of temporary full custody until the custody hearing in that case he would legally have to give you your daughter. Someone else will probably answer and give you more solid information. Good Luck.


    Answer by lilysmom2607 at 8:29 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • File for temporary custody. He obviously does not have the kids best interest in mind. Best wishes..I don't know what I'd do if I were kept away from my daughter for a week.

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 10:11 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • If he had filed he would have had to serve you the papers. If you haven't gotten anything, he hasn't filed. Get thee to the court first thing Tuesday morning and file an Emergency(Ex parte) Custody order. It will go into effect as soon as the judge signs it and stay in place until the court hearing the judge will set at the same time. Unless you do this battling back and forth can continue and it isn't good for your child.

    The Court Clerk can give you the form, but can't tell you how to fill it out. A little research online will send you in the right direction for that. has a family law messageboard and the seniors there will help you figure it out.

    Answer by desert_diva at 11:08 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Take her, don't let him take her again!!!!! If he filed for custody, you will be served but if you want to know asap, the clerk of courts website usually has a place you can look this stuff up.You should file and when it goes to court, bring up how you never kept her from him and then he took her from you.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 11:40 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • hugsCall family lawyers in your area and get one who does free consultations. Write down all the details you have here and everything else you think may be important. The lawyer should be able to help you decide what steps to take. Hugs and good luck!


    Answer by purplerobin at 4:16 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • As far as I know you would contact the local court house of where he lives.. I am so sorry to hear your losses. It seems the legal system is set up for the guilty..

    Answer by Ber38 at 6:27 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Thank you so much everyone for the good advice, I have my baby with me now and I am going to file for temporary custody until mediation. Hes leaving ugly messages saying he is gonna call child services and tell them lies and all but I know I am being the best I can be and my house is very clean and my kids are very respectful and happy kids so he can "bring it on!"

    Comment by lovemykids916 (original poster) at 10:30 AM on Jul. 5, 2011