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4 Bumps

All my sister can do is talk about money I don't have ! HELP !


And, the difference between the amount of money we each have is enormous ! She and her husband are very wealthy. They even own a tropical island where they vacation in the winter ! I survived an extremely abusive marriage whose legal battles striped the trust fund my parent set up for me.

My sister keeps asking me about my finances. Of course, my family, my daughter with 3 kids with no child support and my son laid off, are barely making it ! She gets that concerned look on her face and I can't stand it ! I'm just worried about you, she says. She even called the lawyer in charge of my trust fund to ask him to send her duplicates of my statements ! Of course, he wouldn't do it !

She thinks I'm a spendthrift ! I can't make her understand and I definitely can't invite her to my less than perfect house ! She'd flip out if she saw the way we live ! The tiles need replacing in our kitchen, we need new fixtures in the bathroom, etc.... This problem is keeping me from seeing my sister ! Her life is perfect and posh, but mine is not terrible, but we're just average people living a lower middle class life. Suggestions ?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:45 AM on Jul. 3, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Do they have children? Do they have a happy and successful marriage? Does her husband make a great income? Just because you all had this trustfund split between you, does not mean you both have to live the same exact life. Things happen and everyone makes different decisions. Don't worry about what she can afford and you can't. She needs to do the same. Tell her that you all are different people and though you may have some repairs in your house that you haven't felt comfortabl fixing yet, that does not mean you do not have means to put food on the table and a have a safe roof over your families heads. If she judges your lifestyle, roll your eyes and look at your successes and just ignore her remarks. You know you are doing Ok.
    CassiRae3

    Answer by CassiRae3 at 8:43 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I cannot imagine how this must make you feel. However, money should never stand between sisters. You need to be open and honest and she needs to accept you for you. Your doing the best you can, and that is all you can do. Times are tough and not everyone can live so richely. You should not have to be made to feel your house needs to be perfect as sisters what needs to be important is what comes from your heart. I hope you and your sister can look beyond the money and be there for one another...
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 8:47 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I don't think the difference in your lifestyles is keeping you a part. I believe the fear you have of her judging you is keeping you apart. Be honest with her and tell her how you feel. You obviously want a relationship with her and it sounds like she could really be a positive for you and your kiddos. She cares,or she wouldn't be asking about the money situation. I hope you can put our fears aside and be open with her....If there is nothing to hide, just be honest and open your heart to her. I wish you the best of luck! :)
    wendydays

    Answer by wendydays at 8:18 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • One thing I do agree with you. I think your sister doesn't comprehend how/why you live a different lifestyle. Is your sister aware of all the hardship you've been through? And stop being ashamed. Money is not everything. I bet that there are certain things that your sister can learn from you and vice verse.
    Cafemomoftwo217

    Answer by Cafemomoftwo217 at 8:41 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I know that feeling my aunt is the same way I'm a mother of 3 boys an I work an bust my butt at work an everything I can do an my hubby doesn't work an she throws a fit because I could be living better of he had a job an ect but what I do is figure that this is my life my house an we can only do what we can as parents so hopeful this helped u an keep yr head up dear
    porkchop1108

    Answer by porkchop1108 at 8:51 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I think she is concerned about your stability.
    Suzy_Sunshine

    Answer by Suzy_Sunshine at 10:12 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Why don't you just tell her the exact state of your finances. Tell her that you don't want any charity from her, but this is where you stand. Explain that you did what you had to in order to leave a bad marriage. Tell her how many hours a week you have to work and how much disposable income you do have. If you have some extra money, maybe they can help you invest it wisely. Then I would say, you don't want to discuss your money situations anymore. Tell her that her failure to understand your situation is straining your relationship. I think your sister can't comprehend the differences because you are ashamed and trying to hide it from her. Just be honest.
    momofkids

    Answer by momofkids at 11:28 AM on Jul. 3, 2011


  • Yes, I do envy her, but that's not the problem. The problem is that I want to have contact with my sister, but the differences in our life styles are keeping us apart. Like many wealthy people she has no conception of what it's like to not be able to have everything you want. She even says- If you don't have anything to do why don't you get in your car and come see me ? Sure... And, use $30 worth of gas !
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:55 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Um... she may just be really concerned about you, but if you don't feel like you're good enough to be around her then there may be a bigger issue lying under the surface. I'm not at the point of buying my own tropical island (yet) but it can happen with the right opportunity. Thankfully I have access to several AMAZING opportunities right now and I could be of further help in that area if you are looking for an income opportunity. But I won't say boo about until I know I have your permission TO share it.

    My parents have been looking into bankruptcy bc my uncle did it &it helped him, but my aunt &uncle make TONS more than my parents ever could dream.Thankfully they have not done it yet.A lot of people don't know that if you declare bankruptcy you CANNOT give to your church or other ministries that you feel called to partner with.The govt monitors every single cent! email me 4 more info. Hope I helped.God Provides! Jer. 29:11
    Beccasbeautybiz

    Answer by Beccasbeautybiz at 8:16 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Money is a tough subject with family. By the way is she older or younger? I'm older & I think my sister makes idiotic choices, but then she doesn't understand mine either. I want to make sure that she & her daughter are set up ok for when our mom isn't there to catch her.

    I think you need to be honest with your sister & say what you can afford. It sounds like she wouldn't miss some money if she gave it to you. Do you think she would try to manipulate you with it? If not, then ask her for help. You HAVE come down in the world, but you made the right decision, regardless of financial cost, to get out of that marriage! That decision was worth a trust fund & a tropical island.
    Verrine

    Answer by Verrine at 8:21 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

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