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2 Bumps

Apparently, saying yes to quickies means giving permission not to care about my satisfaction. adult content

My husband and I have been doing a lot of talking about our dysfuctional sex life lately. I said I needed him to initiate sex more often, and he is. He said he needed more quickies. Hell, I'm game, I want to make him happy.

Since that talk we have had sex 6 times. 3 quickies, during and after which he had zero concern for my satisfaction. 1 BJ, which I owed him from a bet lol. I ended up hurting his feelings last night because we had sex and then he was done... again. Rolled over and showed absolutely NO interest in making sure I was satisfied. It was his birthday and he just wanted a quickie, fine, but seriously? And when I brought it up he threw in my face that the time before HE didn't get to climax. He got hurt when I said "Well, but the difference is that I still cared about you getting off yesterday." Because I really did try, he just had some pain and got distracted and didn't want to finish.

I don't know what I need to do here... but having bad sex is no fun, and it REALLY pisses me off that pleasing him means going without myself and he's totally okay with that.

How do I bring it up? What do I say? I don't want to start a fight, I just want this to STOP.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:10 AM on Jul. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Tell him that for sex to be fun both partners need to be satisfied. My hubby and I have quickies all time, it is just easier for us, the difference being he always makes sure I climax first and then he does.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 10:16 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Talk to him about how you feel and tell him that he needs to spend more time on foreplay and getting you in the mood before he just tries to finish. Another option is to do it yourself. Show him what you like and what you need and once your needs are met then you can have sex.
    amandajoy21

    Answer by amandajoy21 at 10:16 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Quickie = male satisfaction, you did not know that I guess?  That's why my DH does not get many.


    Most men are only worried about their own sexual satisfaction, not yours.  Start learning how to self satisfy.  It will make your life easier.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:18 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Guys, I'm well versed in giving myself orgasms lol. During sex, I can get off in under 5 minutes if we're in either missionary or doggy position. But he likes other positions better and I'm up for that, but if we're going to do that then is it so much to ask to just be present for my orgasm before or after? Or to give a shit at all?

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:22 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I think you guys need to talk even more about this. It seems to me that what "quickie" means to him ("I just want to get off so I can sleep") and what it means to you are way different. Maybe you guys could schedule "longies" in addition to the "quickies".

    Making adjustments to the sex life can be challenging because there's a lot of emotion wrapped up in the entire subject. My husband has a slew of medical issues right now that make sex difficult if not impossible and for a while there there were some hurt feelings and some "bad sex" events, but we both laughed it off eventually and got into a routine that works for both of us. Keep talking about it and try not to "keep the score even" so much as get into different ways to enjoy each other.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 10:40 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Just kinda sounds like he is a selfish, little boy. Why wouldn't he want you to be satisfied also? I bet he gets himself food and drinks without asking if anyone else wants some too.
    momofkids

    Answer by momofkids at 10:51 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Fistandantalus, after the second unsatisfactory quickie I DID tell him what it meant to me, and told him that if we were going to be having quickie sex we needed to be doing it in a way that satisfied me too. He KNEW, because I had already told him, and he still didn't give a shit.

    I'm so fed up with this. Either he doesn't want sex at all (the original problem), or it's like he'd rather just be alone and get off really quickly. I'm not part of the equation at all it seems. I'm so frustrated, hurt and angry. I almost wish we could just call off all sex so that I could stop feeling this way. It's been 6 years of this!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:51 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Lol, momofkids, yes, he does. But he also works really hard and is a great father, and we really click on an intellectual level. Really, he's a good man, if you take the whole package. But I'd almost be willing to put up with some asshattery for a decent sex life at this point.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:54 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • In mine and DH's world, a quickie is meant for both of us, after we finish, its over clean up and get on with our day, maybe talk to him to include your wants and need in a quickie. Maybe ask him want he expects in a quickie, and then tell him what you expects. and go from there just calm and easy conversation.
    wife_mother1790

    Answer by wife_mother1790 at 11:06 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Go to Pure Romance or Slumber Parties (or your local intimate store) and order some of those extreme creams. Get the ones that have mint in them or whatever that make you extra sensitive. Use that during quickies and I bet you will get off before he does.
    momofkids

    Answer by momofkids at 11:06 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

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