Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

MIL issues?

My fiancee and I are expecting our first child in February, and my soon to be MIL wants to be in the room during delivery. I'm not very comfortable with this, and I've tried expressing my feelings to her, but she just doesn't understand. She keeps saying that it is her grandchild and she has the right to be in the room when it's born. Am I being selfish for not wanting her there? Should I tell her that I am definitely not allowing her to be in the room?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Jul. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • It's not her right. If you do not want her in there, she will not be in there. You can always have the nurses kick her out if she won't listen otherwise.
    elliesmum06

    Answer by elliesmum06 at 11:39 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • dont fight with her over it just explain your wishes to the doctor and hospital staff they will make sure she isnt allowed in the room.....
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 11:39 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • shes old enough to know what that feels like for a mother (uncomfortable unless it's your SO)
    your MIL is being selfish or maybe pushy. i wouldn't even want my own mom there! would she want YOU to be in the delivery room while SHE was having a baby!? i highly doubt it!! it's a very sacred thing, and MIL knows but all she sees are her needs and wants. stick your guns not just through this..but through it all in the years to come. good fortune upon you and congratulations :)
    lizzybee44

    Answer by lizzybee44 at 11:41 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • If that's your wish and your fiance understands and is ok with it too, you guys have the right to decide. Was your mother or another mother type figure to YOU going to be in the room? Just tell her that the hospital has a limit of people who can be in and obviously your fiance is top of the list along with your support sytem, then her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Don't give her a definite answer yet. You have several months to go. Give yourself time to see how things unfold. I'll think about it is probably your best answer for now.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 11:41 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Yes tell her. She has no right. Or when you go to the hospital to have the baby tell the nurse you only want you SO in the room.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:42 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • You are not being unreasonable. I had the same conversations with my MIL...all three times I was pregnant. Not gonna happen!

    My opinion is that unless you were present during the conception of the child, you have no right to be there when the baby is born. Now I did allow my mom in the room with me, because she is my mom and I wanted her there. But HELL no to MIL.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 11:43 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • My boys are 19, 21 & 28. The only person I had in the room with me was my husband. I'll be happy to wait in the waiting room for my grandchildren to be born.

    I understand that you MIL is excited. But she does NOT have 'the right" to watch her grandchildren be born. You are the one giving birth. You have to decide what you're comfortable with. I hope your fiance is supporting you in this!!

    Good Luck. Wishing you an easy and healthy delivery.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:45 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • If you do not feel comfortable with her in the room then she should respect that.. just tell her that right after the baby is born, she will be the first person to see the baby- (other than your mom!) if she is not happy w/ that- oh well.. lots of luck:)

    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 11:48 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • You aren't being selfish and if you don't want her there let the nurses and your doctor know. When it comes time to start pushing they will ask everyone except your fiancee to leave. At that time if you have changed your mind you can ask her to stay, if not then it is the nurses that are asking her to leave. Don't feel bad about this, when I had my first my sister, aunt and MIL were there. In the end I didn't want everyone in the room and the nurse asked them to wait in the lounge area. Once the baby was there and they came back no one seemed to mind that they weren't in the room.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 11:54 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN