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4 Bumps

FRUSTRATED!!!!! adult content

Okay so yesterday I asked the question "How important is it to let your husband know you are no longer satisfied with your sex life?" So I took your advice and just came out and told him "I'm not satisfied" not in an accusatory way or anything....now alot of you made the assumption that it was the quality of sex that I'm unsatisfied with...my fault since I didnt really add a whole lot of details lol..well that's not the case..when we do have sex it's almost always awesome...the problem is we hardly ever have sex! I'm sexually frustrated as fuck and masterbating just aint getting it anymore...in the last month we've had sex 3 times! THREE!

I know your advice will be to just pounce on him, wake him up with a BJ, dress sexy, let him catch me coming out of the shower dripping wet, yadda, yadda....yeah I've done all of the above and then some...he will literally push me away and to tell you the truth it's really starting to hurt my feelings...like I'm tearing up just talking about it...when he doesnt push me away from giving him a bj, thats all he wants, he doesnt want to progress it to the sex part.

Yes I DID tell him how I feel, that it was hurting my feelings, I asked him if he was still attracted to me (I know my body isnt what it used to be) he said that he is still attracted to me, that he didnt realize he was doing it (no reason as to WHY he's doing it though) he told me how much he loved me, then he got all misty eyed and asked me if I was going to start cheating on him (rolls my eyes) and he told me that we would have sex later that night when the kids go to sleep....later that night comes and when I ask him again he tells me "Not tonight, I'll get you in the morning" I thought I was going to run screaming into the night tearing at my hair!!!!! Do I really have to tell you that nothing happened this morning either?

Am I wrong to feel like now that I'm married I shouldnt have to beg for sex? That I shouldnt be going without as often as I am? Please don't tell me that sex shouldnt be this important to me because the fact is that it IS this important to me. Sorry.

Okay so I've tried all the sexy tricks in the book AND just flat out told him I wasnt satisfied and why...now what do I do?

Answer Question
 
Lucky209

Asked by Lucky209 at 2:24 PM on Jul. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 28 (35,060 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I would have told him that he either needs to make a conscious effort to satisfy you in the sex department or you may just look elsewhere. It isn't just about the sex, obviously he doesn't respect your wants and needs. How can you be with someone selfish like that?
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 2:31 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I totally understand how you feel and if I had any advise I would give it. I am in the same situation and the thing is I can't figure it out either. Once when I was in college I had a boy friend that was cheating on me and he started to pull away like my DH is. The problem is I can't find any signs that my DH is cheating and I am not sure when he would have time. I wish you luck and if you figure anything out let me know because reading your story sounds like I am reading my life. I know in my situation our lives are stressful because we have a DD that is very sick. She got sick last August and almost died so maybe all my attention has been on her situation. She is better now and although we have some hills to climb it is nothing like it was last August.

    Good Luck and sorry I couldn't be of more help.
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 2:32 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Each marriage is different on the amount of sex they have.All I know is that sex begins in your mind.Your mind determines how often you will want to do it.Your mind determines if you look at your spouse and think "Wow".I would try to get that closeness back with him.That connection.and a happier sex life should follow.But after 15 years of marriage, our sex is less often.But love is not sex.Love is doing those little things for them, that you know will make them happy.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 2:34 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • @bcauseimthemom....I'm not going to tell him that I would look elsewhere because that's not true and lying to him isnt going to help anything..as far as him being selfish...in every other aspect of our lives he's the most generous man in the world
    Lucky209

    Comment by Lucky209 (original poster) at 2:37 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I can tell you that when my DH has said he'll look elsewhere if I don't put out, I tell him to go ahead. That's not always the best way to motivate someone into having sex. I don't have sex with my DH very often at all. I don't want to. He's a jerk, he doesn't make time for me or the kids, and he's hateful. So I have no desire to have sex. Are there possibly other problems going on and maybe that's why he's pulling away?
    Mrs.B3

    Answer by Mrs.B3 at 2:46 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • i would say marriage counseling....he isn't paying attention to what you say....you need to get some place where he will listen and also realize that your marriage is at stake.....if you look around i am sure you will find that in other areas he has also dismissed some thing you have said or needed but in the hussle and bussel of life you didn't notice.....tell him marriage counseling or else i leave and find a better situation for myself......you have to be true to you.....some times leaveing for a bit is the wake up call they need. if not, its not meant to be..
    southernlady184

    Answer by southernlady184 at 2:50 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Well, my hubby sounds like you and he does all of the attention-getting shower stunts, groping, and you name it. I love my hubby very much but I am just not as sexually active as he is. When I am, we have a lot of fun and it's great! Yes, it is true that if sex is important to the other person that it's worth putting in the effort but I think it's like anything else we define as work.
    ChicaThis

    Answer by ChicaThis at 3:03 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • He has a decreased libido and this is usually brought on by stress or depression most likely. We think once we get married we should have access to a dick whenever we want, but unfortunately that's not the way it is. He really needs to pay attention to the fact that you need to feel desired. Men can also be very very lazy when it comes to pursuing sex and want to put forth zero effort. This is why they prefer to have a bj ( no work for him). They definitely hate the pressure of having to perform for you and wait for you to get off. My guess is that is a combination of laziness, depression, and selfishness. He's not really being a good husband to you. I would suggest drawing some serious boundaries with this situation and try to come up with some sort of agreement.
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 3:04 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I read a book several years ago called "Hot Relationships" by Tracey Cox. You should buy it off amazon if you have $10 to spare. It has a big chapter about what you are dealing with. To summarize, you want to stop putting pressure on your man to perform. That is the #1 reason why a person, man or woman, will stop wanting to have sex. Use that pent up energy on something else so he has time to rejuvenate his sexual desire again. I would suggest exercise. It makes us feel less anxious about sex. In the meantime, work on your emotional intimacy and friendship. After a while, maybe a month or two (sorry I know you dont want to hear that), sit down with him and discuss your opposite libidos. Somehow, you both will have to meet halfway. Then, take a blank piece of paper each and start writing down fetishes, fantasies or wishes in regards to the sex you want from your partner. Cont.......
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 3:16 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Take a look at his list and find one that you would also like to do and begin asap. Also, a person who has a low libido is not doomed to forever have a low libido you just need to ignite it somehow. What turns him on might not be what you think so use this list to figure out what gets him hot. Everytime, you have sex do one thing off the list. One is enough so that you can extend the list out and he can rebuild his libido. Remember, since you are the one with the higher libido be more of the giver/pleaser than the accepter/taker. Eventually, when he feels not pressured to perform, if you decide to do a vag strike, the tables will turn and he will want to please you to get you in the sack. I read this book as the person with the "low libido" so I hope this insight helps you. :) Good luck!
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 3:21 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

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