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2 Bumps

Completely lost...

I feel so down. I'm a Christian but struggle. I work 7 days a week and haven't been going to church, I have been reading my devotions and praying but never feel god thinks it's good enough. I have two beautiful daughters and a week ago suffered and missed miscarriage at 9 weeks. I had begged my hubby for another child and he agreed to start trying in sept but while I was recovering from a kidney infection I became pregnant. He was totally happy. I was shocked. I was fine waiting and then boom it happened. I struggle with that kinda stuff. I was severely nauseas all day and thought this was for sure Gods will. I had seen the baby and heartbeat a few times but at my routine 9 week ultrasound the baby had passed. Most likely the same day. This completely devastated me. I felt guilty that I ever felt bad about being pregnant and that I was put off at first. I still loved the baby. I prayed right then in there to God that I would be thankful regardless because I want to trust him. For reasons I didnt know this could have been for a reason. I knew I needed God more than ever and prayed and prayed. Now I feel hopeless. I want another child and have extreme baby fever. I feel God thinks I'm a bad person for thinking that. Having children have been so important to me. I feel bad that I asked my husband to have another. I feel guilty that i would like to have more children than he wants. He wants to have another baby but then I feel sad that it could be my last pregnancy. I'm continually getting ahead of myself and I hate it. I want to take each day at a time but i struggle. I'm grateful for my family and I'm only 22 so I'm sure a lot could change down the line but right now I feel terrible and have an immense amount of emotions flying through my head. :(:(:(

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:27 PM on Jul. 3, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (9)
  • okay, you are putting waaaay too much pressure on yourself and forcing guilt down your throat so much it sounds like you're emotionally drowning. I am very sorry about the baby. That isn't God's fault, this baby couldn't hang on. Sometimes it's nature's way of telling you the pregnancy wasn't healthy. You are very young and there is plenty of time to have another child down the road. Having mixed feelings about it in the beginning is totally fine. No judgment. God knows you are thankful. For whatever reason that has yet to reveal itself, you were meant to go through this and learn this lesson in life. That doesn't mean you are guilty, a bad person, ungrateful, etc. It just is. Try to process this loss and then try to enjoy what you do have in life for a little while. Then try again down the road. Good luck
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 5:35 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I am so sorry for your loss. God only knows what is planned in your life. Don't try to over stress yourself. Believe in God with all your heart, keep faith and hope...God hears and knows your prayers. Sometimes life is not easy and we face some tough paths but keeping God in your heart and trusting Him, can give you peace within. Just pray for God to give you strength through this ..... Sending prayers your way!
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 5:43 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Hugs ! It will all be OK. "Strength comes not from hanging on, but by letting go". Acceptance, thoughts, gratitude and humor. Accept what we can't control, keep a watch on the thoughts you are allowing yourself- if they are unhealthy change the thoughts and replace it with gratitude for anything you can, Humor helps to break through the hold of pain, confusion, etc. and it is a crucial coping skill. Be patient with yourself and don 't worry about anything. "Worrying is like being in a rocking chair, it will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere." Future and past tripping will paralyze any possibility of joy you could have this moment. You have been through alot lately. Maybe you could get a massage for yourself. it sounds like you could use a little pampering. Hang in there and take each moment for what you can. It is all we truely have... :-)
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 5:53 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I am so sorry for your family's loss. I believe most everyone has wished for " a better time" to be pregnant, but you didn't pray to loose the baby did you. These things happen. It is hard but it seems to me you are staying true to your faith. If you still feel this is your fault, remember, if you have asked God for forgiveness, then He has forgiven you. Don't persecute yourself any longer!
    Bless you and hang in there! when you get to the end of your rope, hang on tighter.

    shefree

    Answer by shefree at 6:07 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • but never feel god thinks it's good enough
    ----
    That, my friend, is a lie of the devil. God loves you. God is proud of you. You are the apple of God's eye. God has you in the palm of His hand. Let's review your post: You said, "I feel.." followed by these words: down, guilty (twice), hopeless, sad, terrible, God thinks I am a bad person. Look at your words. Is this what God wants for you? NO! This is what Satan wants for you! You have "stinkin' thinkin' and you need to STOP right now! So many people's problems are rooted in thinking patterns that actually produce the problems they experience in thier lives. Satan offers wrong thinking to everyone, but you do not have to accept his offer! Don't go by your feelings; turn intead to the TRUTH of God's Word. God bless.
    popzaroo

    Answer by popzaroo at 7:00 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Give yourself a break...and some time. You are still grieving your loss. Honestly, your life sounds an awful lot like most people's. Ups and downs, times for just contemplation, times for action, times for prayer, and times where we, unfortunately, feel empty and alone. It's all part of life's cycles. Let yourself just be, for right now
    adnilm

    Answer by adnilm at 7:45 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • You have a hard decision to make. Sounds like you have reached that breaking point where having faith just isn't enough and you need some PROOF. Proof that isn't likely to come. Good luck.
    witchqueen

    Answer by witchqueen at 11:20 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • You have been through a lot however I want to emphasize one thing. God is not mad at you or disappointed, He LOVES you and He is there for you to carry the stuff you have been carrying. I encourage you to be like Joshua and Caleb and see the POSITIVE in the land rather than the other 10 who brought back a report that their were giants in the land. ( In Numbers 13 and 14 ) I encourage you to not continue to beat yourself up or blame yourself. God does not want that for you. He calls you to come closer to Him and let Him give you the peace you so need. His grace is astounding, His mercy is amazing and His love is outrageous ! :-)
    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 1:19 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I am very sorry for your loss. Please realize you are still in mourning, and your body physically is still recovering. It is ok to feel sad, but you must NOT blame yourself. God does not think you are a bad person! He does not think that you "are not good enough"! He loves you and cares about your pain. You are very special to him. He understands, so pray and tell Him everything! Trust Him to help you. He will. If you can post it here, you can tell God. You have no reason to feel guilty and hopeless. You have done nothing wrong! Is it possible to stop working 7 days a week for a while? Take a day or two a week for yourself and to have fun with your family. Try to relax a little. You do not have to make any decisions right away. You have time to decide when to try again, but wait a while until you and your family heal a little. Is there a friend from the Church that you can call for support? You are in my prayers.
    Kay000

    Answer by Kay000 at 2:38 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

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