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How I can ask without offending?

Here's the situation: We are having our neighbor, her DH, and her BIL over for a BBQ tonight because they have been helping us out a ton today. The BIL painted a room for us, and she watched our daughter for 4 hours so that I could work on fixing stuff up around our old house. We are having them over to our new house but they all 3 smoke pretty heavily. How can I tell them without making them angry or offending them that I would prefer that they not smoke in my yard? Even when they smoke in the yard it still travels into the house, especially when grilling and the door is open and shut and open again. Our old house smelled like smoke because they smoking in their backyard and it traveled into our house and DH used to smoke, they smoked in our yard @ the old house when they were over, but I really just don't want my house and/or yard to smell like smoke. I also don't want to offend them, and I know they smoke very heavily, usually 1 every 20-30 minutes, but I really don't want them doing it near my home.


Asked by AF4life at 6:52 PM on Jul. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Level 44 (185,714 Credits)
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Answers (14)
  • Yeah, good luck lol,

    I feel exactly the same way as you, and my husband smokes. He is only allowed to smoke at home if he walks across the street LOL

    Answer by Blue_Spiral at 6:55 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Do you have someplace they can smoke? Maybe set up an ashtray and just tell them you have a designated spot for them to smoke and you would appreciate if they would use it.

    Answer by MrsMWF at 6:54 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • wow..touchy request, especially since they ARE outside. the best thing to do would be to spot them further away from the door, and keep the windows down..its 100* here, so that wouldn't be the hard part! lol.
    maybe put the seating away from the doorway, and whatever you're using for the butts, be sure to situate it in a distant spot, too..then, when they arrive, you can just tell them you'd rather they smoke ......................................................................................................over there.

    Answer by dullscissors at 6:56 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • No matter how nice you ask you might still offend them. Good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:54 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Can you ask them to smoke in the front yard? If they helped so much I may try to give some slack although I understand how nasty the smell can be.

    Answer by wendydays at 6:55 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • The nicest way to put it is to ask politely that they dont do it... Explain to them that you dont like the smell of it and they should understand.

    Answer by AirForceKate at 6:56 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Tell them the truth.

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 6:57 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • The biggest problem I have is that if they smoke around DH he is going to want to smoke and he just finally quit!! The main reason about the smell is because of my daughter, I always feel bad leaving her with them because she always smells like smoke and I am afraid they smoke around her and just don't care.

    Comment by AF4life (original poster) at 6:57 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I just appreciate that people are polite enough to go outside and smoke. Neither my husband or I have ever smoked, and we appreciate that people don't smoke in our house, but I don't think I would ask such good friends to not even smoke in the yard. I understand what you mean, and I don't like cigarette smoke, but if people don't smoke in the house, a little smoke that comes through will air out quickly.

    I'd let this one go......

    Answer by ohwrite at 6:59 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Well they don't have a choice, they can't even smoke in their own house, we live in military housing and you can't smoke in the houses. The main reason about the yard is because I don't like when me and my daughter are bombarded by smoke when we got out, and she plays in the yard a lot.

    Comment by AF4life (original poster) at 7:02 PM on Jul. 3, 2011