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Proper Discipline?

We have 5 and 10 yr old boys. Our oldest is one of those children that even when you say no to something, he will throw a fit and act like he is 2 until he gets his way. The neighborhood that we live in is mainly older people, which is peaceful. A few weeks ago he kept bugging us to go to one of their houses to go swimming with the grandkids (we don't know our neighbors all that well) and I said no. I was at work Saturday and my husband let him go because he kept bugging him so bad that it started making him mad. Our son came home with burns all over his body because they apparently put way too much chlorine in their pool and his skin is ultimately sensitive (hmm, wonder why mommy says NO). Today is has been bugging us to go over there, yet again, for a cookout and fireworks (which is illegal around here because we are in city limits) and I kept telling him NO!! Of course, my husband once again got annoyed and let him go over. I am not sitting back and waiting for the next thing to happen to him.

How can I get my son to see that I don't say no to make him mad or so that he can not have fun because I love when he makes friends? He doesn't understand why we say no. He throws a tantrum like he is 2 and it is so annoying. It happens in stores, friends houses (ours, not his friends), etc. It's embarrassing and I can't take much more of it.

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flessard

Asked by flessard at 8:13 PM on Jul. 3, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 4 (47 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • It looks as though he has learned that your "No" doesn't really mean no & that if he bugs you long enough or throws a fit, you will eventually give in to what he wants. You have taught him to behave as he does, because it actually gets him what he's wanting. Your "no" must mean "no", 100% of the time & you must not allow the arguing, whining or fit throwing. Consistency is a must, but you also need to think about what he's asking to do a minute before just spouting out a "no". Also, when you say "no", you should explain why. Don't just say, "no" & leave it at that. Explain the dangers or whatever is making your answer to be no. If there isn't a good reason why you say "no", then maybe you should take a minute to consider saying "yes".
    ghostwriter777

    Answer by ghostwriter777 at 8:21 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I say no, my husband is the one who gives in. My mother taught me growing up that you do not NEED every toy, video game, etc to be happy. Being outside is the best. That is how I raise my kids. But the point that I try to get through to him is that I personally do not know these people (other than a hi and bye) and that he needs to be around kids his own age. That is my personal rule that I have to know the people before he goes and hangs out with them. There are too many bad influences that I do not want him around. I say no and I mean no. I have no problems taking things away when he misbehaves but in our house, daddy has the last say so. So it kills my "no" when daddy says yes.
    flessard

    Comment by flessard (original poster) at 8:31 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • Whos fault, Yours and Your husbands. Kids are always going to test us. It seems like ur husband does not want to deal with the responsibilities of being a parent, first mistake. Have a talk with ur hubby, if you'll do not put your foot down now it is going to get worse. No is no, and that is that. If he wants to have a tantrum, put him in his room and close the door. Me, personally I would take a belt to his butt. I have 3 children ages 17,13 and 3. No tantrums ever. I have been a single parent for all my children, and a young one at that. I love my children, but when I was tested, I let them know who is in charge. ;)
    2and1

    Answer by 2and1 at 8:58 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • You and your husband need to be on the same page, because nothing is ever going to change if he knows he can just bug dad until he says yes. You need to sit down with your husband and have a long talk about it.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 1:10 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Your husband is just lazy. Your husband is the problem not your son. He is ultimately messing the kid up.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 11:56 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Your son is going to keep nagging & throwing tantrums to get his way because it works with your husband.
    sweetpotato418

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 9:50 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Dad and you need to get on the same page and stick to whatever rules and consequnces you come up with. If it takes family counseling to do so, then that is what needs to happen. Your husband is going to keep giving in and your son is going to keep going to dad because he will get what he wants.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:51 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

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