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2 Bumps

DH scared to come in the room during C-section

We are just starting to try for our second baby and with our first I had a emergency c-section. It was terrible, he was stuck, doctors had to pull him out, and then i started to hemrage (spelling) and I lost over half my blood. They kicked my husband out and he sat outside of the OR for 4 hours before anyone told him what was going on. Now since with my next child they say I should have a c-section he does not want to go in the OR. I dont wanna go in with out him, but I know how scared he is...any advise?

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jessicapoker

Asked by jessicapoker at 12:03 AM on Jul. 4, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 7 (203 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • My midwife held my hand during my emergency C-section because I didn't want my husband in the OR if things started going wrong... It was such a blessing to have an experienced person there with me to explain things...

    What about having doula present, more to help your husband than yourself?!
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 12:06 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I know how he feels and you should too. Many men can't handle being frightened that something horrible might happen to their wife and child. Of he can't handle it, don't force him. I had all three of my babies with just the Doctor, nurse, etc, and my hubby was in the waiting room, I didn't make him go in there with me. I had vaginal deliveries. He just was too worried. Be3sides the delivery only lasts a short time. WHat happens when you get home is much more important!!
    minnesotanice

    Answer by minnesotanice at 12:07 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Just talk to him about why you want him in the room my DH was nervous about going in the room and they led him in ten minutes after they had started so there was blood he turned to the wall and made his way to me....have your husband insist on going in before they start and just reassure him everything will be ok that he can squeeze your hand if he starts to feel nervous again
    krissii

    Answer by krissii at 12:10 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I know, but after my emergency c-section, I am scared S***less and i would really like to have him in there. I know not to force him, I would never force him to do anything he didnt want to. IDK im scared, i almost died with my first one, it was really close, but I really want another baby, and my doctor insured me that it would not be like my first one because i was in labor for over 36 hours, and my uterus was just pushed to its limit that is why I bleed out so bad. Thank you though!
    jessicapoker

    Comment by jessicapoker (original poster) at 12:12 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Tell him that holding his hand would make you feel better and maybe it would make him feel better. We aren't sure if I am going to have another C-section yet, I am just assuming I will and then if they tell me I don't have to we can be happy about it. I had a horrible experience, though it wasn't considered an emergency c-section, I only had to have 1 because this hospital only lets you push for 4 hours, it turned out pretty bad, the epidural wore off so I felt it all and they told DH that if they stopped I would die and I already had my max dose anesthetic. It was horrible for him he was crying and I was screaming and then our daughter had to be rushed out and put on an IV and oxygen, and I couldn't see her for 3 hours. We are both scared to death, but he would rather be there knowing what's happening than not.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 12:20 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • An emergency cesarean is pretty scary, understandably you'd want him there!
    Have you asked him why he doesn't want to be there?
    Have you two worked through & processed the previous birth? There is a lot of (emotional) healing to be done-- for both of you.

    I want to mention that what you went through might have been avoidable~ maybe not. But it doesn't mean that a repeat cesarean may be safest.
    * For most women a vaginal birth after cesarean is safer.
    Knowing about options & weighing risks can help you to feel better, safer, less fear.

    Were you induced, having other interventions with that first labor?
    There are many ways to reduce your risks and avoid complications.

    When you get yourself on the path you can enlist help (like a doula) who can help in many ways, especially to help your partner be more supportive to you...

    Let me know if you'd like book titles, etc / more help for him & for you.
    doulala

    Answer by doulala at 12:24 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • i personally would be upset if he didn't come in, continue trying to talk to him about it.
    angela.bouchard

    Answer by angela.bouchard at 1:47 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Doulala: we have talked about what happened in the c-section. Obviously I wasnt able to see much of it, but he saw alot of it. Like when they were trying to pull my son out, and then when they kicked him out of the room he saw all the blood on the floor. He started to cry when we were talking about it, and yes it was scary for me but I was put under when I started to bleed out, and he saw everything. Seeing all that blood and having the possiblity that I might die! That was terrible for him

    I did have pitocin, because I was in labor for 20 hours and at only 1 cm. I explained my whole experence in my other post>>SECOND C-SECTION
    jessicapoker

    Comment by jessicapoker (original poster) at 10:46 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • :-(
    So hard!!!
    :-(

    Like I have been chatting about in that other post; considering a VBAC could be a safer route, something to consider & research.
    You don't have to have a lot of blood or barely any at all.
    Working for a safer outcome includes prevention. This refers some to the body, but mostly the mind. Getting information, support, and confidence can help you avoid more danger & unnecessary risks.
    This can really make the both of you feel a LOT more reassured.

    HUGS!!!


    doulala

    Answer by doulala at 12:05 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

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