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2 Bumps

Is it ok to keep your child from their father, if the father hasn't been there for them and make broken promise?

My childrens father was never really in their lives when we were together, going out and partying spending our rent money on other girls, gettingthings shut off all the time and he told me he come first no matter what! Now that we are not together he wants to see them and visition rights. I tried it for a while and he sent them home as punishment for not listening to him. He says he has change and isn't thesame person anymore. I am really confused. I don't want my kids to get hurt anymore by him. But I do know he is their fatherand has rights to see them.

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claverty

Asked by claverty at 12:10 AM on Jul. 4, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (48 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • well, i understand how you would feel like you need to keep them from him.. but unless he is abusin or neglecting them i wouldnt completely keep them away.. id rather do supervised visitation at first.. if you keep them completely away as they get older they'll want more and more to be around him and thts when they may be really hurt.. trust me.. my dad kept me away from my mom my entire life adn as soon as i graduated i moved to my moms and she still never cared.. so its hard.
    carrientravisj1

    Answer by carrientravisj1 at 12:14 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Hmmm, he sounds like my dad! My mother always gave us a choice. And at about 16 I decided to not go see him anymore, and now have not spoken with him in 3 years. My sister now lives next door to him. I think that no matter what, you need to give the choice to your kids. Its so hard, but I am happy that my mother never took away that choice from us. Hope that I was able to help.
    Tarrar

    Answer by Tarrar at 12:21 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I understand how you feel and you are a great mother for feeling that way, but you never want to be the blame for his not have a relationship with his children and in turn have your children mad at you (later in life). I agree that your children should not have to go through this at all! So I think that IF he has changed like he says then maybe you guys should see a family counselor to help build your trust with him and gain the trust of his children. That way you will be making this a healthy situation for you and the kids and hopefull for him too. Be sure to GENTLY explain your wanting to go this route (if you choose to) to let him know you are not trying to keep them away. He needs to understand that you are looking for the childrens best intrest! Good luck and God bless
    frstldyhmsch

    Answer by frstldyhmsch at 12:29 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Don't keep them away all together. I would have resented my mother something fierce if she had done that. Certainly don't just send them off with him alone for a week if you're that worried, but at least give him a chance to earn their trust. Start with supervised visits if you have to.
    DragonRiderMD

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 1:13 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I know how you feel, I'm going through the same thing with my child's father as well. Always the alcoholic and the party animal instead of being a father to our 3 year old. He has been this way since she was 10 months old and hasn't paid child support, don't call to see how she's doing even though he has my phone number, and he never gave her Xmas and birthday gifts and wishes in her life and he doesn't see her and I have to force him to see her. If he wants to see her on his own, then I'll let him see her as long as he doesn't abuse and neglect her. My boyfriend of 2 years spends more time with my daughter then her father does.
    TashaStar81

    Answer by TashaStar81 at 10:27 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Tashastar81, girl.. You are living my life...lol... but I do keep her away bc he only wants to "call" and see her when is moms in town to look like dd instead of the ass that he really he. But I do not trust. Him we had supervised, I thought someone else from the court would be there but I was informed that I would b the super! Uh, no after to public visits he professed "his undying love for me, and I was like cya!!!!!
    Blakesgirl31

    Answer by Blakesgirl31 at 10:39 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Its more the the children that he be in their life. Maybe you can suggest that he taking a parenting class so that he can learn what to expect and how to handle things when they act up. Explain that he should designate a chair for time out only, and when they act up, it 1 minute for each year of age that they sit there for. Before they get out of the chair, he goes up to them on his knee so he is eye level and encourage them to apologize for their misdeed, then give them a hug. The dad may finally be understanding with maturity that he needs his kids as much as they need him. Plus that will give you a weekend to do something you want to do. Tell him by taking the kids home is not punishing the kids, and sends a wrong message. Don't be the bad guy in this situation.
    BrendaW.

    Answer by BrendaW. at 1:43 AM on Jul. 7, 2011

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