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2 Bumps

What should my next move be here?

So my boyfriend has yet to claim me on facebook. He's legally married, but hasn't even spoken to her in nearly a year. He tried a dissolution, but she moved and left no forwarding address. He's trying to get money together to actually get a divorce. He's in the military and there's some rule that he can get in trouble for infidelity, I heard this before I even knew him. So after 3 months of dating I asked he at least change the status from single to nothing. He did. I was annoyed he didn't even come up with it on his own. Now it's been a year and he's still not claiming me. Half of me is like this is so stupid that I care, the other is pissed he can't just do it. We got into a big fight and I told him it pissed me off. He said he was getting around to changing it because there's been no contact with the ex and he won't get in trouble. So how long do I give him? And what do I say or do if he doesn't? If it weren't for this I'd be 100% secure that there was nothing fishy going on. I'm close with his family, I've met his friends, he doesn't have time to cheat on me or anything. But that doesn't mean there isn't some girl he's been chatting it up with on there, you know what I mean?

EDIT  ~I was willing to push it to the back of my head, but he's the one that said he was planning to change it. That was a week ago and said he'd do it over the weekend...

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:35 AM on Jul. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I see what you mean. I do not know how the military works with situations like this, but maybe he needs to wait until he is legally unmarried?
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 2:38 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I can assure you, the military does not care if he is with someone else if she has moved out. I would be concerned that after a year he hasn't claimed you.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 2:53 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Yes he should claim you,he is legally responsible to support you.
    Sarah961

    Answer by Sarah961 at 3:13 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • he can talk to a jag lawyer if he is really that concerned about an article judgement against him. but since he is the soldier and hasnt bothered to look into what we were all taught in basic training.....id be wondering how much he was actuall yin the relationship
    hnaused2010

    Answer by hnaused2010 at 3:32 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • What you are saying is ADULTRY, in the Military.  He does not want anyone to know he is in a relationship. With anyone onther then  his wife.  He can get in big trouble if caught.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:40 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Your next move should be to listen to the part of your brain that's telling you this is an impossibly stupid thing to be concerned about and the move after that should be to write "Facebook is a communications device and not some epic catalogue of people's emotions and intentions" 100 times.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 7:17 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I'd be concerned that he's still legally married to someone he says he hasn't seen in a year. Why wouldn't he divorce her otherwise? I feel like there might be more to the story that he isn't sharing with you.
    tspillane

    Answer by tspillane at 7:50 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • If there is so little trust that his fb status wears you out.. how can you have a good lasting strong relationship?
    MommaB30

    Answer by MommaB30 at 9:22 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • you need to see why he hasn't done it yet?
    Mrs.Ro

    Answer by Mrs.Ro at 9:33 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • as long as there were not kids or property, a divorce from the first wife would not be that expensive. Facebook is stupid. Why do you care what he puts on facebook. I refuse to have my husband a friend on facebook because I know I would not approve of the stupid crap I am sure he puts on there. So we agreed that each account would be separate and we just trust each other not be ause our marriage. The person that wrote he is legally responsible for your is out in left field. He owes you no financially responsibilty, but legally may be responsible for his current wife. So he needs to end that marriage immediately. That should be your concern. Not that he accepts you as his mate on facebook. Get your priorities straight. You are technically committing adultry and his wife could name you in a divorce as a co-respondent and sue you directly. So worry about the real stuff.
    BrendaW.

    Answer by BrendaW. at 3:37 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

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