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3 Bumps

Marriage Counseling

We had a rough first year of marriage and I suggested it then, he wasn't for it. We've been married 5 years now, we just welcomed our second beautiful DD in June, but before that we were arguing a lot, then I found out he was having inappropriate email conversations with a female. I wanted to leave but decided it was bad timing for our daughter with the baby coming, and isn't fair to the baby. I still haven't decided that I'm not going to leave, but he has agreed to counseling. So I guess my question is, has anyone gone through this? How was it? Did it take effort to find a decent counselor---did you have to interview them? What is the process of marriage counseling like?

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LoveBuggsMommie

Asked by LoveBuggsMommie at 4:36 AM on Jul. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,581 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • When I needed to seek counseling, I had a reliable friend who referred me to her counselor. Her counselor wasn't accepting new patients so she referred me to my present psychologist whom I've been with for over 10 years. I also needed a psychiatrist; I went through 4-5 of them before I found the right one. A good counselor, therapist, psychologist puts things in perspective for you. She/he (I have a female) listens to your side of the problem(s) and your feelings and helps you look at it from the other person's point of view. The same should be done with your husband. Then she/he will invite you together and help each of you to listen to and share your feelings openly and honestly. I need a psychiatrist for medications. I was married over 25 yrs. when I found out that my husband had been unfaithful. I've forgiven him, we're still together, but I don't know what I'd do without my psychologist. Good luck!
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:18 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • My hubby and I tried marriage counseling.. it didnt do much for us.. were still together and happily married but honestly I did a lot of reading on my own, prayer and focusing on valuing my husband, respecting our marriage ect. I know that marriage counseling has worked for lots of people just for us it did not. We have a wonderful marriage now.. I still have my complaints of course.. and I bet he does too.. but the issue for us, wasnt the complaints.. it was how we chose to view those complaints and treat each other based off of them. Like for me a huge thing I had to learn was I am told to love my husband and respect him, rather i feel like he deserves it or not. And I had to learn to quit worrying about my own needs and start focusing on whats good for the whole. In doing that though.. I found a lot of my needs started being met.. when I was not fighting with my dh for control all the time.
    MommaB30

    Answer by MommaB30 at 9:20 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • counseling only seems to work for those who are truely commited to change......kinda like drug rehab...its not going to work unless your commited to quit
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 9:28 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • when my hubby and i needed counseling we looked for what we wanted. we are christian so we went to a christian counseling. because it was my fault i had to expect my husband to be very angry, so that was the hardest part of the recovery on our marriage. But it truly helped save our marriage. we have been together 3 years now.. and going very strong! Also if it helps have him read his needs her needs. they will suggest that where ever you go!!

    Good luck, it will be hard, but if you love him and want to do your part and see if can get better . it will be worth it !!
    Mrs.Ro

    Answer by Mrs.Ro at 9:29 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • kudos for doing counseling
    just GO then worry about if you picked the right one later
    i recommend you see TWO marriage counselors simultaneously
    you wouldn't want to give up on counseling, it's hard work, it really is;(
    it will take YEARS for this type of recovery
    i want DH to be happy too, my focus would be on hearing him out so that you can give him what he also needs
    and tell him you need him to do the same

    active listening is important. it's basically repeating back what hubby just said instead of putting your own spin on it. if he says "things changed" you say "you feel things have changed" then let him keep talking. teach him to do the same for you! it really helps
    lizzybee44

    Answer by lizzybee44 at 4:17 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

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