my husband and i got into a pretty heated argument last night, it started with me being angry that his mom favors my sil's daughter over our 3 daughters. anyway he ended up confessing to me that he shook our 2 year old when she was 4 months old. he's been keeping me in the dark about this for 2 years. i left her alone with him to go pay rent one afternoon and he called me francticly about 10 minutes later. that's when i rushed home and found my baby gray looking, lethargic and unconscious. he said he was just playing with her by throwing her up in the air. i believed him because i had known him for about 6 years at the time and couldn't picture him harming our child. he had also just gotten back from a 15 month deployment. the doctors all told me his story was bull, but i didn't listen. i figured it was a freak accident or something and the doctors were just going off symptoms. they told me it was shaken baby syndrome. the only reason i truly believed him was because of how beautifully our daughter recovered. she was out of the hospital in a week and now at 2 and a half years old shows no repercussions.
here is where it gets even trickier. the weekend it happened his mom drove 6 hours up to where we were stationed, but instead of visiting her ailing granddaughter she got her son a lawyer. this should've been my first clue. CPS got involved and removed him from the home. i moved back to my hometown after that but stayed married and supportive to my husband. the courtcase dragged on for a year and a half, and at one point him, his mom and lawyer all asked me to write a letter on his behalf. i had my reservations about doing it, but i decided to do it after he (my husband) guilt tripped me into it by saying "i feel like if you don't write it you don't trust me". a few months later, his mom informed me the DA would be calling me and she pretty much asked me to paint him as a saint. i told the DA exactly what i felt, that my husband wasn't capable of such a henious crime. the DA then was on our side and offered the judge a plea bargain of 2 years no unsupervised visits with our kids and a year of probation. well, the judge didn't like that. he wanted my husband to get jailtime, because like any smart human being he knew the truth too. he gave my husband 10 years of probation.
it's been 8 months since that court ruling and he got to move back home. when he confessed that, he also confessed HIS MOTHER KNEW. she hasn't known from the beginning but she's known for a long time because the lawyers got the truth out of him. i feel like they both used me to keep him out of jail. they both fuckin lied to me for 2 years and acted as if i was horrible for having any doubts. how can his mom side with him over her grandchild? how could he do something like that to our daughter? i don't even know what to do. i don't know how to move forward from this. my eyes have bags the size of texas this morning because i cried so hard last night. i don't think i've ever sobbed that way. i felt like i was grieving in some way. i couldn't get the images of my baby out of my head and knowing what really happened to her. i feel so stupid and so betrayed by my husband and my mil.
going anon with this for obvious reasons.
Asked by Anonymous at 7:46 AM on Jul. 4, 2011 in Relationships
Answer by Ati_13 at 9:26 AM on Jul. 4, 2011
Answer by momofkids at 7:56 AM on Jul. 4, 2011
Answer by elliesmum06 at 7:52 AM on Jul. 4, 2011
Answer by Eviesmommy at 8:09 AM on Jul. 4, 2011
Answer by SassySue123 at 8:10 AM on Jul. 4, 2011
Answer by beckcorc at 8:28 AM on Jul. 4, 2011
Answer by MommaB30 at 8:44 AM on Jul. 4, 2011
Answer by treynlisa at 8:12 AM on Jul. 4, 2011
I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter and you! Perhaps he told you because he is afraid he might harm her again. You will never be able to trust him alone with your daughter again, and honestly you shouldn't. I know it is hard to end a marriage, but I certainly would not stay with him, because 1. He harmed my child and 2. He lied about it. Pack up leave, divorce him and make sure he has supervised visitation rights. I wish you all the best.
Answer by justalady774 at 8:19 AM on Jul. 4, 2011
Answer by beckcorc at 8:25 AM on Jul. 4, 2011