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DH and I are separating with no plans of getting back together, and it's crushing me! He's treated my pretty bad in the years I've been with him, and I've gave him way more chances than he deserves, and finally I had the last straw. He's leaving tomorrow, and I'm physically sick. It's not what I wanted at all, but I can't stay with him treating me like this. He, of course, acts like he doesn't even give a shit. Oh, wait. That's because he doesn't. He's looking foward to his new single life, it seems. Did I mention that's been the problem with out marriage. Ever since we have been married, he's acted like he's wanted to be single, so he could go out and sleep around, and use women, and has talked down on me like I trapped him or something. It's not my fault. I've been a great wife to him, and he knows it! I don't deserve this, and yet here I am, broken, and now going to be a single mother. It makes me so mad he did this to us, all over some "Grass is greener on the other side" mentality he seems to keep. He wants me, but he wants to use me too, and do as he pleases. Like I'm some kind of toy that he only uses for his convenience. I've did everything he has wanted. I never deprive him of anything, and I feel like I've did my part to fulfill my role as a wife, yet he is never fulfilled. Sorry this vent is so long. It just hurts and he told me to my face last night basically that he would rather not give up his issues and lose me, than to keep me and quit the bull shit that's destroying us. I know I need to get away from him. I really do, but it hurts and it's hard to let go. I just wanted us to be happy together.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:55 AM on Jul. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • It's hard when any relationship comes to an end, when an ex and me broke up (after he'd been violent to me) I too was crushed, then I realised, it wasn't HIM I'd be missing at all, it was just that I'd got so used to having someone, even though we weren't happy, I'd got used to having a routine of having someone there, but when I realised I didn't need a relationship, it got easier.

    You'll feel better in time, I know it's hard because you have children with him, but as you've said, you can do better than him, and if you stayed together, you'd have many years of saddness, you and your children deserve better!

    Feel better soon.
    kylie_bob

    Answer by kylie_bob at 10:04 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • honey I know it hurts now, part of what honestly helped me I know this is going to sound bad, but I got myself a damn good lawyer and racked my DH's ass in court for child support he was going to have to pay over 600$ for one child! Then what you need is someone who will treat you with the respect you need and to notice that do not need to be the one doing everything. This is kinda of what my Dh and I went threw but after him not seeing me nor our DD for 8 months then being in court for the first day, he relized it was me that he wanted not to be single again (maybe no other woman could handle his shit, LOL) But he changed and now respects me as npot only his wife but the mother of now 3 of our kids. That was 3 years ago! But if he does not want to change for you then thats his lose you are a woman and a mother now is the time to put your happiness first for you and your child!! Good luck and may God give the strenght you need
    SkylaReneeMom

    Answer by SkylaReneeMom at 10:05 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I'm sorry you're going through this! It will be ok, once you realize you don't have this weight draggin you down anymore you will be fine! Just try to focus on what you want, and putting yourself first! When my 1st husband left I was devastated, then we got back together an dI realized how much he dragged me down and I left him. Never made such a good decision! I'm so much happier now, and you will be too. God bless!
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 10:38 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • hugs

    cueballsmom

    Answer by cueballsmom at 10:44 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • sometimes letting them have what they want is the best medicane for YOU.......he's going to see that life isnt better without you and your going to be strong and never look back at him again....just rember to protect yourself and your child and work on making YOU happy.....hang in there momma things do get better.....

    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 10:57 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • How long were you together, how old are you? If you're young ... cut your losses. You need and deserve to be treated like a Queen, I have been with my man for almost 8 years and we love each other more and more every day - virtually NEVER fight.... that's how it should be if you are with the one you were meant for! I know it's hard, especially letting go ... but be strong ... don't show him that he's getting you down - it will effect him more if you act as if you are fine and will move on!! I have gone through this but... my real man was out there waiting for me!!!!!!
    isismoon3

    Answer by isismoon3 at 10:58 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • We're in our early twenties and have been together almost 6 years.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:04 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I am so sorry you are going through this ((hugs)) I know how you are feeling to an extent.my husband just pulled this bullshit on me 2 days before he deployed and here I sit stuck and still trying to be a good wife. I have begun looking for some sort of counseling to help me deal with my hurt feelings (that is putting it lightly) of course my husband begged me to stay with him and that he is "sorry" but how many times can one say sorry over the same things and still expect to be forgiven? I think you are doing the right thing by walking away from such a horrible situation (I wish I had the same strength) keep your head up, it may take a while, but in the end YOU are going to be so much happier. Your husband on the other hand will realize with time what he has lost and that the grass isn't so green on the other side.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 AM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • It takes one month for each year you are together to get over a relationship. Make sure you get reasonable child support and ask him to be a man and keep contact wtih your child. You should not look for someone right away. Take some time to be with you and your child and figure out what you want to do in life. What can you do to support yourself. Don't make it so you have to be dependent on a man. He is ignorant and unfortunately, he will not change. So cut your loses, and get onto a new, happier, peaceful and stable life of your own. Go back to school, do whatever you can to make a life for yourself and your child. Believe me, in about 5 years you will be glad you got it over with and moved on. And you are young, next time, be choosey because you wnat a man who will do whatever you need and be happy to do it for you. And visa versa.
    BrendaW.

    Answer by BrendaW. at 3:00 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • sounds like you were ready to settle but he wasn't
    he will see how good he had it only after it's gone
    if you still love him and he wants you back which he probably will, i would forgive him and start again
    if it wasn't meant to be, then be happy it's over
    time will tell. just let him figure out what he needs to, then i bet you anything he'll be craving his wife back GL
    lizzybee44

    Answer by lizzybee44 at 3:53 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

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