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advise

please help me ladies
i am a 28yo, bi-polar mother of four wonderful monsters and i have very little "living" skills
i am a horrible house keeper (my hubby does most of it after he comes home from work), i think i am a really bad parent, i can never remember to take my meds, let alone give kids THEIR meds (ADHD and epilespy), and i just feel that i am a horrible mother, wife, woman, person in general

any advise to help me lear these skills and habits would be greatly appericated
please, no bashing me, i do that to myself enough

Answer Question
 
bi-polarmommy

Asked by bi-polarmommy at 1:40 AM on Dec. 16, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 6 (132 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • try checking out flylady.com
    the system there slowly gets you into the habit of doing things to organize your home and your life.

    I'm also bipolar, but not on meds. My hubby is also bipolar, he's on meds.
    he's more like you as far as doing things and remembering things, to the point where he is on disability for it.

    PM if you want, maybe talking to someone one on one will help.
    flutterfae

    Answer by flutterfae at 1:43 AM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • There are some techniques in therapy you could try. One being CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy. Another that is very practical for life skills is called DBT - dialectical behavioral therapy. I like DBT better for learning life and social skills. I know several people living with bi-polar who have had success with DBT. Not all therapists know DBT so you should call around until you find one that does use and impliment it's theory. The other thing is to not be so hard on yourself. That only creates more stress and stress tends to make the disorder worse. So your house is a mess. I don't have bi-polar but if social services were to come to my house today I would be in MAJOR trouble. Not kidding. It is more important that your children's basic needs be taken care of.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 7:58 AM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • cont...So if remembering their meds is a priority then start with that one. Also when we live with a disorder that affects our funtioning like this on a daily basis - asking for help is HUGE. If the school can give the meds during the school year then you as a parent are doing what you need to. You have it taken care of. Or be creative with how to make meds a priority. Hang streamers or a banner in the kitchen that says: Got Meds? Something crazy and whacky but lets you get the job done. When your mind can sometimes be disorganized or chaotic (and remember that is the illness NOT you) then you don't have to do things the way other parents do. You are you. So be fun, creative, and give yourself a break.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:02 AM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • As far as the house work...well there can always be other solutions for this as well. Is there a support group in your area for women living with bi-polar? Or do you have a group of friends? For example: many women cannot keep a clean and tip top shape house. So friends can help. You go to their house one week and clean from top to bottom. Then another week they come to yours, ect... Or it can just be one good friend or family member to come over once a month to help you reorg and throw away or donate all the crap the house has accumulated. Ask for help and receive help so that you don't have to feel so bad.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:05 AM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • You sound like you could use a mentor. If you really do want to improve these skills, I don't know who wouldn't help you if you asked them. Is there someone you feel comfortable with that you could ask for help? Be prepared to have your feelings hurt a little, just because it will be exciting to you to start this and then see your house clean...but remember it's going to take you sticking with it to keep it that way. Being reminded of what you are supposed to be doing is the "maybe hurt your feelings part". Just remember your being told out of love. One of those daily pill things helped me to remember whether or not I took my medicine. Your kids could each have one too. Then all you have to do is look. Your husband could make sure you remember to refill them once a week till you get in a routine. best of luck to you!
    RentaMom

    Answer by RentaMom at 12:14 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • thanks for the help and advise ladies, unfortanetly, i live i a small town (less than 3000), all my family is seven states away, i dont get out much to make friends and there is only one mental health facility here
    that the main reason i came here for advise
    but i will try some of your suggestions
    bi-polarmommy

    Answer by bi-polarmommy at 3:18 PM on Dec. 16, 2008

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