Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

Ex- wife drama ! ugh... Please help.

My fiances ex wife is well... not a nice woman by any means. Today in the middle of my work day I get a phone call from my fiance and I can tell by the tone in his voice he's beyond angry and seeing red. I guess she called him cussing him out and all this about not taking his daughter today... when yesterday she told him he couldn't have her today because SHE had plans already set up. Then she started yelling and cussing at her own daughter. We really want to remove her from the home but we can't until we're married (we're long distance right now and he works insanely long hours so we have to wait until I'm there full time to do it). So my fiance was ready to kill after hearing her talk to his lil girl like that. He was ready to drive nearly 2 hours to set things straight... which is scary because her bf is not a nice person and kinda "gangsta" they always have like 6 other "gangsta" type people around at the house. I managed to calm him down and his mom who lives in the same town as his lil girl went over to set it straight with the ex wife.. but now he feels like he's not a good father for not going to take care of it... How can I make him understand that he's not being a bad father and that if he went down there and did something stupid his lil girl wouldn't have him around... and she needs him because he is the ONLY stable thing in her life and the only person who teaches her right from wrong... Please help... I'm so frustrated with her and so, so, so worried about my fiance...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:37 PM on Jul. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • not much more you can do but what you are already doing. Just support him and be there to help him like you are. And then you guys can move forward once you get married.

    good luck

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 4:46 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Thanks hon. It's just so frustrating to see his daughter have to be in the situation she is... he loves her so much and her mom only uses her as a child support payment. Then when he feels down about not being a good dad even though he's an amazing dad I feel helpless because he gets so down :(

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:49 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I would recommend documenting everything his ex does thats like this, and it wouldn't hurt to talk with a lawyer and get pointers about what to do in the meantime before you get married to get prepared for later.

    Answer by tntmom1027 at 4:50 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • We have everything from harrassing text messages, to facebook attacks to these phone calls and retarded things she does saved. The lawyer says its a hard situation because we don't want her to be put in the system until our wedding date in 6 months ( we can't get married until the fiance visa is approved- otherwise we'd already be married) and if cps feels there is too much drama then they will put her with a stranger... so now we're hoping that if we are the "bigger person" in all this that his daughter will be able to stay with his parents until the wedding ...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:55 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Wow. I realy hope everything turns out okay. I think if you have enough crap she has done saved, then you should be okay, its jus tkeeping his head clear until your able t do something. Good Luck!

    Answer by kgrine at 5:47 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I just don't understand... She's 27 yo and refuses to get a job and now we find out shes pregnant with her 20 yo bf's kid... neither of them work and she expects my fiance to pay her rent and everything he pays childsupport every week and that's how she lives... instead of using it for her daughters expenses.

    We always get calls about needing this, she can't afford her rent etc... and when he tells her no she says hes an awful father and he never helps her out! We figured out that since the divorce process started a year ago he has given her around $15,000 on top of child support just to "help" her out.... Finally he's been really putting his foot down and the money is stopping and now she's getting nastier.... What would y'all do?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:22 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • He did the right thing. Just reassure him and then fight for his girl when you have everything in order.


    Answer by pookiekins34 at 1:36 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I'm sorry. I know how hard this is. I've been through this. It will get better, but just be prepared. When you get the little girl, if you do she will be really really messed up!

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 1:43 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Yeah, we're prepared for the things his daughter is going to have to deal with (as much as we can be that is! :) )

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:39 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

  • @JackieGirl007 how did you get through this without pulling your hair out?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:42 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.