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4 Bumps

Buying clothes for one kid while others are there

My girls just got back from their dad's house. They said they spent the entire day going shopping with SM and step sister. Step sister is 14 and my girls are 11 and 13. My first thought was, nice they are finally doing something together (since they have not gotten along much in the 2 years since their dad and step sister's mom have gotten together). But no, apparently, she dragged them all over the mall but didn't get them anything. They said they went to Areopostale, American Eagle, and several other stores and SM wouldn't buy them anything, even though they asked, my 13 year old said she asked for a shirt she liked that was on clearance for $6.99 and SM said "no, it's your mom's job to buy you clothes". After they told me this I asked them if they were told before they went that they wouldn't be getting anything? they said no, SM asked if they wanted to go shopping and when they said no they were told they had no choice because their dad was going fishing. They said SM ended up buying her DD several hundred dollars worth of stuff and wouldn't get my DD a thing. Now, I understand I am the CP so I should be buying most of their clothes but really, I could insist on them having clothes at dad's house and refuse to send anything but I don't so what would it hurt to buy a few things when if I wanted to be a hardass, they would have to have a LOT more then that there. But you can't take 3 girls that age shopping (especially when they aren't given a choice) and only buy for one, especially with how much she had bought. My girls both said they didn't expect to get what the step sister got but at least a shirt or two would have been nice. Now I have younger children and I understand, sometimes one needs new clothes and the others don't at that point but I also let my other children know that they won't be getting anything that shopping trip (not, hey, do you want to go shopping? and leave out the part that they aren't getting anything) and I always give them the option of staying home. I especially think this was wrong because my DD's are there one weekend a month so it's not like the SM and step sister couldn't have done this another time (heck, my girls came home at 4 so they could have gone shopping after or their dad could have stayed home and IDK, spent time with them during HIS visitation. I called my ex to first of all make sure I was getting the whole story and second to let him know that they were upset about it. He asked SM who confirmed they were telling the truth and she said my girls are just spoiled brats for asking her for anything and should have been grateful just to go. Are my children wrong for wanting a few things while SM buys step sister hundreds of dollars worth of clothes in front of them? Were my ex and SM wrong for making them go in the first place when they didn't want to and really, it's my EX's visitation?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:50 PM on Jul. 4, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (26)
  • Or maybe your ex could have gone fishing another day since it was his weekend with his children. It wasn't very nice of his wife to do what she did but I'm not of the opinion that it's her responsibility to buy your daughters clothes. At their ages they should be able to go to the store without having to get something even if their stepsister does. I just think the majority of the problem here is that their dad doesn't need to pawn them off on his wife while he went out to play.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:57 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • They should have been grateful just to go? Is their step mom royalty or something? Lol. kidsA decent person would have offered to get the kids something, even if it was just a little something. She doesn't sound like a decent person though. That sucks. :(

    Answer by Mom2theboy1994 at 6:00 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • not good move from the dad. it was his time with the kids and he goes fishing??? He could have given them some money to go to the mall at least before he went fishing. Not very nice of sm. Thats she doenst go and buy them also each 100 dollars worth of clothes is understandable, but each a shirt for a couple of dollars would have been nice and also been a nice gesture.

    Answer by LittleBirdFly at 6:02 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I would have asked their father why he was not there for visitation and then I would have said to sm my kids are spoiled oh lucky to go? I would have said your lucky to get them to come over they are of the age where from now on they can decide not to go. My mom used to do things like and it left a bad feeling with us and even now when she asks us to go we say no.. So maybe this could have been done with more tact.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:03 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • My ex would take our kids to somewhere and would not buy them drinks, if they were thirsty, unless they had their own money, they got for doing chores at him and his g/f appartment.
    How do you take your kids out and not buy them even a drink? expecting them to use thier own money.
    It's just the way some people think. I would call your ex and express your concern - so when your girls no not want to go for a visit - he'll understand why.
    I couldn't even do this with my kids friends. It's just very rude!

    Answer by SassySue123 at 6:03 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I agree with everyone that stated that it was Dad's obligation to spend time with his girls on his custody weekend. If he wanted to go fishing, then perhaps he should have given the girls a choice between going shopping with "the wife and her daughter" and going fishing with him? It was not the SM's responsibility to buy your children clothes, although I do not agree with the way the situation was handled, either. It was insensitive and cruel to purchase for one child and not the others. To avoid a situation such as this in the future, perhaps you can provide for your 13 yr and/or 11 yr old a low-limit credit card in your name. I have done this with my daughter and she knows not to use it unless she has approval from me. Certainly, it would have been reasonable to charge a shirt on sale for $6.99 onto the card and this may have alleviated some hurt and feelings of exclusion.

    Answer by mommymelissa504 at 6:13 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • It's not really the fact they didn't get anything, my kids go places all the time and don't get anything but for one it was kinda insinuated that they would get something the exact words were "do you girls want to go shopping for clothes at the mall?" and for two it wasn't that they went to one or two stores, they went to every store in the mall pretty much and spent several hours going from store to store watching SM get her DD everything she wanted and not getting a thing. Also, like I said technically, my ex is supposed to provide their clothes for them while they there, to be nice, I let them pack what they want to take for the weekend but if I wanted to, I could tell him he needs to go buy them clothes for over at his house which would be a lot more then the shirt or two they were asking for.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:17 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • mommymelissa, they wanted to spend time with dad but dad wouldn't give up the fishing trip and there was no room on the boat for them. As far as the credit card, I think it's a little ridiculous to expect me to get them a credit card so as not to cost their father and SM money (because remember it's not just SM's money it's dad's too and really it's dad's cause SM doesn't work) when they take SM's DD out on mad shopping sprees and drag my children along.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:21 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I think your exhusband should have either gone fishing another day or even the stepmom go shopping another day. I think she should have kept things fair and bought everyone something equal. I know your girls must be hurt. I think you have every right to be mad since not just you that should buy the kids everything they need. He should help since clothing and things are not cheap. Hope next visit goes better for you

    Answer by momindiana at 6:38 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • WOw, this pisses me off!! What did your ex have to say? Did he think it ws very fair? I hate parents that are so petty over such things as "whos job it is to(whatever)" The step mom is a bitch for one thing, and the ex should have know he gets his dd's one weekend a month, he could and should have gone fishing another day. I foresure would insist your ex get the girls clothes for his house. Are they only allowed certain foods too? If i were one of your dds' I'd refuse to go back to that house of the ex's. GRRRR this irks me!!!!! Good luck...

    Answer by minimo77 at 7:09 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

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