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3 Bumps

Not sure what to do!

For about 6 weeks, my husband and I have been having a lot of problems. It seems like we would solve one and another would pop up in its place. We got to the point where we didn't know if we wanted to be together anymore and he stayed in a hotel for a week. He came home and said he wanted to work on the relationship. I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. He used to be the type of person whoe hardly ever sends a text message and he turned into a text-crazed maniac! It was like his phone was glued to his hand. So I took it upon myself t check his phone and sure enough, he has been texting a girl from work nonstop. They call each other baby, and he's called her sexy and commented on what an attractive couple they make. She has even talked about our daughter, saying how much she misses her! I confronted him and after a lot of yelling and crying, he admitted that it was wrong, he was sorry, and he doesn't want to lose me. He maintains that nothing physical happened between them, but I don't believe him. Since they work together, I know it will be hard to him to avoid her. Do I trust him when he says its over? I told him this was his last chance, and he seems like he really is sorry, but I can't trust him yet. He gets resentful when I ask him questions about it, like whether he's told her its over and when I don't act as if I tust him. I just don't know what I should do. Has anyone been in this kind of situation before?


Asked by Anonymous at 6:18 PM on Jul. 4, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • From my experience, when they get resentful they are usually still lying/cheating. My ex husband would get resentful and sure enough, it was still going on. Your husband should understand that he caused a major trust issue and should have no problem answering your questions and being understanding if he is innocent and truthful.

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 6:24 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • MARRIAGE COUNSELING. Tomorrow. Tell him it is a condition of staying together and if he does not consent, then you will not be staying together. PERIOD.

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:23 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I wouldn't trust him :( sorry hun.

    Answer by sugamama3 at 6:22 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I think it would be helpful if you and he got some outside help--someone who can really be objective. In my more than 46 years of being married, I have learned that there is always a little blame on both sides. He probably can't see his and you can't see yours. Someone who is experienced in these matters would be of tremendous help.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:25 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I would leave! Thats one thing I cannot handle "infidelity " I wouldn't consider counseling because he knows what he is doing is wrong so what's the point..I would feel very uneasy knowing he works with this person. Sorry there would be no working it out for me. Im sorry you are going through this. I can't even imagine what its like or how you feel. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:30 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • If he wants to make this work he needs to be an open book to your questions. He looks stretchy if he's getting mad when you question him. Trust is earned. He needs to get to work if he wants to earn your trust back!

    Answer by Mom2theboy1994 at 6:31 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I could not trust him anymore. I would change his cellphone plan to not being able to text anymore, and that would just be a little bit.
    Seems like there was more that just text messages if they call each other baby and all that

    Answer by LittleBirdFly at 6:32 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • I think y'all could recover from this and move forward if he were being honest with you. However, he's acting shady. He should answer what ever questions you have without any objections. I'd demand marriage counseling and I'd bring up the idea of him looking elsewhere to work.

    Answer by dmdblleb at 6:52 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • Before me and my husband got married, we had something similiar happen. It took two LONG years of earning the trust back. If you truly love him then I would give him an ultimatium Tell him he needs to come completely clean to you so you can begin to trust him again. Otherwise it will be over.

    Answer by emilygc2008 at 7:04 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

  • He's only sorry he got caught - if he really ended it with her and wanted to work on your marriage he'd understand that he has to rebuild your trust and he'd deal with your questions. My husband has never cheated on me but he has lied about other things and he was my bitch so to speak until I could trust him again. I wouldn't believe him either about them not sleeping together. If he really wanted to work on the marriage he'd do everything possible to make you trust him, perhaps marriage counseling would help. Is there any way he could find another job, transfer to another facility or department?

    Answer by anon1986East at 7:21 PM on Jul. 4, 2011