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3 Bumps

Having problems with boyfriend...need advice please. :(

he just started a business at the begining of this yr. i know he's really stressed & he says he can't just turn it off. he hardly ever laughs, doesn't want to go out/have fun & we don't do it very often (once/wk or less). our son is almost 2, he's a good dad, but complains if i ask him to change his diaper. he's often short w me, gets angry about stupid things & talks down to me. he makes me feel bad about myself alot. he doesn't hit me, but emotional hurt to me is just as bad as physical hurt. i love him very much & am very attracted to him. i just feel like he doesn't feel the same way even though he says he does. i feel like i can't say anything to him w out it being me complaining, yet he complains just as much as me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:17 AM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • hugsaww..i'm sorry, i've been there. all i can say is to try and communicate with in a calm way that doesn't make him feel like he is being attacked. just be open and honest and tell him you are hurting. tell him its some thing that you guys can work on together. try not o point any fingers so he doesnt get defensive. every relationship has its up and downs. you will get through this

    ajs16919

    Answer by ajs16919 at 1:29 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Ok first emotional abuse I think is worse than physical abuse. I have had both. Bruises go away but what they say stays a long time. Sounds to me like you need to sit down and talk. Tell him it has to be talked about because you feel like you are losing him. Ask him not to say anything til you are done. Tell him in a straight forward manner. Never raise your voice because he will take that as an attack and his defense will go up. Tell him how much you love him and how concerned you are about him working so hard and the stress he is under and that you understand and appreciate it. But, when he is off of work he has to leave the stress at the door. Tell him you miss the intimacy and you want HIM to tell you what YOU can do to make it easier. Then listen to him and what he has to say. If he gets upset and angry you get up and take your child go to a family member or a friends house for a few hours.
    DDWay

    Answer by DDWay at 1:30 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • i've told him all that, really. he just blows it off. he really makes me hate myself. he says don't worry about it, it's not u, it's work.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:38 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Perhaps a slightly more blunt approach, saying I'm sure you don't mean to or don't realize you're doing it but you're making me feel like crap and then go into the problems and tell him it hurts and that he needs to either learn to separate work from home or at the very least learn to be nice even through the stress cause the way he is acting now is causing a pretty shitty home life
    DianeMary

    Answer by DianeMary at 2:51 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • time to get yourself a hobby
    miritrose

    Answer by miritrose at 2:53 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Been there..am there often. I usually just give him space. I dont complain, dont agrue, dont ask him for anything. Even when he is being hurtful to me, i know that its the stress and not myself. He usually goes back to normal in a few days to a week..If he is acting really bad for a long period of time i will talk to him calmly or ask if he wants to read the Bible with me. If its at the point where i cant take it i will have a sti down convo with him. I show him that i am very understanding about his situation and if there is anything i can do to help lift the burden. And i will tell him how he is making me feel. I know that he dosent mean to but he is and that its something that we need to adress. Sometimes i will record the mean things he says to me and play them back for him when we sit down like this to talk. that usually helps alot to open his eyes on how he has been treating me. I dont know if this helps or not.
    MonkeyMommyNJ

    Answer by MonkeyMommyNJ at 3:00 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • just a btw..my hubby had his own business..it went under in 2009..so i understand the ammount of stress a business puts on a relationship. I wish you the best of luck God Bless
    MonkeyMommyNJ

    Answer by MonkeyMommyNJ at 3:04 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Have you thought about asking to help him out with his business instead of asking him to change a diaper? Having your own business isn't quite the same as working 9-5. It is very stressful, especially the first couple of years. You need to work twice as hard and and worry that you are going to make it. Most new businesses fail in the first 2 years. And why is the sex that important? It sounds like there are issues far more important right now to take care of. It's called prioritizing. Men under stress have a hard time in that department.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 10:29 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • i have asked him if i can help, i've gone to a couple of the jobs (it's a pool service) to help out, i offered to keep up w reciepts. i guess he wants to do it on his own (very independent. @ attap5- sex is very important to me, i need affection to be happy. i know that's selfish but thats just me. thank you to each and every1 of you, it helps alot to have different points of veiw. i'm just goin to back off him for a while & be as nice as possible.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:00 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

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