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Would you talk/hang out with a male neighbor whose wife is away?

My husband is also away. Dh and I both talk to them when we both happen to be outside. They have a son whose 20 who comes over and helps out with the yard for money but they also help with other things that I don't pay for. Just small things and I watch their pets for them while they are away. Thing is he has told me I was good looking more than once. Then repeatedly asks me if I was mad about anything he said in reference to that. He says he's bored to death since wifes been gone and he's retired. Tells me to come on over and chat. We sit in the garage and talk but its usually midnight. I'm a nightowl and I suppose he is too. He called me the first time around 11 pm because he had gotten some bad news about his daughter and was upset so I walked outside to chat. This time it was july 4th and he invited me over for fireworks. He had a few friends over but they left. He had to go somewhere and said he'd be right back and did I want to come back over. Well I thought his other friend would be there but he was not. It was just me and him talking. He also always offers me wine or beer which he is also having (I did, in a previous casual conversation, mention I loved a little wine every now and then and have became a wine drinker rather than beer and he wanted me to try some wine he had that tasted really good. so thats how the alcohol came into the picture) I know that in the past he has cheated on his wife. Soooo I can't help but to wonder if he's testing the waters with me or does he really just want to chat with me as his neighbor. Tonight he also put his arm around me to hug me twice. So am I being paranoid or am I right to worry about sending out the wrong vibes to him. I did not reciprocate the hug because I just don't feel I know him THAT well. He also suggested I come and hang out with him at his workplace which is a bar/restaurant/pool hall. So what do you think? Just being a friendly neighbor or more so?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:39 AM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Sounds to me like he's sending out vibes to see where you stand. If you plan to keep it neighborly, I would keep it friendly, nix the nighttime pow wows, and leave the booze alone unless you're with your spouses. It also might help if you address his attention directly...i.e. "I miss my husband when he's gone, but I like being married and plan to stay that way. I totally love the life we've built together, and feel like too much attention might give him or your wife the wrong impression."

    Answer by terirose22 at 3:35 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I see no problem with chilling with your neighbor..but i think you need to set sounds like he is testing the waters. I had male neighbor that i used to hang out with when DH wasnt home. One night he told me i was beautiful and asked me if i was faithful to my hubby (he has a well known history of cheating as well). I thanked him for the compliment and said yes that i am very faithful. He left it alone after that. it didnt change our relationship at all. I also told my DH about it. He didnt mind us hanging out after that he just told me that if my neighbor tried anything else let him know and he would talk to him. I never had another issue. I think you should let your friend know where he stands and if you have any other issues to let your hubby know..if your friend dosent get the picture then i would suggest distancing yourself from him.

    Answer by MonkeyMommyNJ at 2:48 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Ah, you need to stay the hell away from this guy. He is definitely NOT just being friendly. Why is he asking you to hang out when his wife is away? Would he ask you over if she was there? Would you go over there and hang with him if your hubby was home???

    Answer by chavela_carlita at 3:15 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I have talked to him and his wife together when they were both out there but it just feels wierd now that his wife is away.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:26 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • most of the time it is just him out there and even though his wife is home we still talk briefly as neighbors.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:27 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • ...but to sit and talk and drink at midnight....hmmmmm

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:28 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Now that you have checked his motives,also check yours.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • motives are perfectly straight in my head...I am NOT A CHEATER,have no attraction to this guy. If he were a female asking me over I'd be just as happy to have some adult company. Thats how I look at his company, as another adult to talk to,nothing more. Trying not to judge just because he's male.I talk to the lady who lives behind me late at night too. Its no different for me. I just want to make sure I'm not sending him the wrong idea by still chatting after he's said I was good looking.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:44 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I agree, testing the waters. Let him know they are icy cold. Frozen

    Answer by HollyBoBolly at 5:42 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I don't think u r being paranoid at all. I know exact the situation & personally I'd stay away cos I know where it leads (or has led).
    Having said that, of course every situation is different, so I think we can each only respond as our minds and bodies dictate.

    Answer by stace101 at 7:21 AM on Jul. 5, 2011