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If you didn't really need it

would you still enforce a child support order against your ex?

I mean, if you are able to provide for your child(ren) on your own, without things being too tight, would you make your ex pay child support? Would you put an order on them?
Yes, it is their responsibility to take care of their children.
Now let's say that they do, that whenever the children are with them (especially if it's an equal amount of time as you have with them) that they buy them clothes, shoes, medicine, whatever they need. And when the kids are with you, you buy them whatever they need. Would you still make your ex pay child support if you didn't really need it?

I think a lot of people force their ex to pay child support out of spite. I can understand if the other parent is not at all involved with the child, lives out of state, or is an asshole who thinks they shouldn't have to be responsible. In that case, I can totally understand them having to pay child support. But when both parents have equal amounts of time with the child(ren), why should one have to pay child support to the other parent?

The reason I am asking is because my ex put a child support order on me out of spite. This man makes more than 2,00o.00 A MONTH, does not have his own place, and is not solely responsible for all bills. He put the order on me because he thought that it would make me come back to him. He said as much. "If you come back, you won't have to pay it any more." Well, that didn't work. I have talked with him about adjusting the custody, but he refuses, because he wants to control me. There is no good reason why we can't have joint custody, (on paper) because the kids are with me at least half of the time anyways.

Because of the amount they take from me, I cannot afford a bigger place. If they weren't taking CSP from me, I would be able to afford a bigger place. Maybe even a house. And if I went and got a second job, all they would do is raise the CSP amount, and take even more away from me, making it so that I'd be working two jobs, busting my ass, barely even seeing my kids.

I am studying right now as well, for Paralegal. It's hard, but I have to do something to better myself.

Anyways, that was off the subject.

Now I ask, do you think that it is fair that I still have to pay child support? And no, I don't have a choice in the matter. I live in Texas, and they automatically deduct the amount from each paycheck.

And I haven't been able to get a court date to adjust the custody order because it costs 250 bucks to get a court date, and it has to be paid ahead of time. I don't have that kind of money. After what they take from me, I bring home MAYBE 750 bucks A MONTH. My rent is 400. My phone bill is 65. Water is 20. Electric is about 120. Add that up, and you'll see how much I have left over to play with. I also have to eat, and put gas in my car so that I am able to go to work. There is NO WAY that I can come up with the 250 for that court date. I have asked their dad to set it up, but he refuses, because he knows that once I get in there and present my case that they will adjust the custody and I won't have to pay CSP anymore, and that's what he is trying to avoid.

The kids can't even stand being with him. He treats them like crap. He yells at them, calls them names, among other things.

One more question: If I have to prove that I can support my children, while paying all my bills by myself, with no outside assistance, why shouldn't he have to prove that he can too? He has never had his own place. Not even when I was with him. He has never had to prove that he can provide for the children on his own without any outside help from anyone else. If he wants custody so bad, shouldn't this be an issue???

I'm just so disgusted with the system and the way they have it set up. They act like the custodial parent is so great, while the non-custodial parent is crap. That's how they treat me. Every time I call up there to speak with a caseworker, they give me such a horrible attitude. Their dad told me he has never had a problem with that. Ugh, it just makes me so mad.

And the worst part is feeling like there is nothing I can do about any of this. Everywhere I turn I keep getting shut down. It's really depressing me, and sometimes I just want to give up. But I know I can't, I just have to keep going and praying, and one day it will all work out.

But from where I am right now, this whole thing sucks!

Answer Question

Asked by chavela_carlita at 2:41 AM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 12 (887 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • chin up girly l... time will tell all

    Answer by miritrose at 2:50 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Yes I would. Both parents made the child, both parents need to contribute to the child's upbringing. Both my ex and I make enough to support DD on our own, but there is still an order in place and payments are made. Having a child with someone who has a good job doesn't make the other party any less responsible for the child's needs/support.

    Answer by bbreitha at 2:59 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Yes, but when the kids are with both parents an equal amount of time, why should one parent pay the other any money????
    That doesn't make any sense!! When they are with me, I should pay for what they need, and I do. And when they are with him,
    he should pay for what they need. There is no reason why either of us should have to pay the other any amount because the
    kids are with both of us the same amount of time.

    Comment by chavela_carlita (original poster) at 3:01 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • no. if i am doing fine on my own then i dont need his money unless he wants to give..then fine. i feel that child support means more then just money..its the support in raising them emotionaly.. even if the father is noth living there he still needs to give his child support by visiting frequently and being there emotionaly for him/her..unfortunatly that can not be court mandated

    Answer by MonkeyMommyNJ at 3:59 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Yes

    Answer by Sarah961 at 4:04 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • If you find a way around this please let me know! I pay 690 a month in child support (about 43 percent of my wages)and bring home 745 a month. I am on the verge of loosing my apartment because I can not afford it. This is for two kids (and I was told I am suppose to only pay 25%) I also have another child I support on my own. I also pay for everything when they are with me (food clothes transportation because I transport). He makes 5000 a month! He did it to try to get me back as well. He was abusive so I fled and took the kids with me. He went to court; said the kids were with him (and I abandoned them); filed for emergency full custody; and they granted it to him because no one knew I was in Domestic Violence Shelter. So if you find a way around this please let me know,. I can not modify the order for two year; which is downright ridiculous. I don't mind paying or providing but 43% of my wages is crazy!!!!

    Answer by Mom_Of_3_Angelz at 5:19 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Document, document, document....document everything. Find a lawyer (ask around, a lot of lawyers will consult for free) and document everything. If he is this way he may keep coming after you if you don't put this to rest once and for all.

    Yes, there should be some support. Things are going to come up. If you think you don't need the money now you could alway put it in trust for them.

    Answer by sipn_mom at 8:47 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • My hubs and I have no plans to divorce, if we ever did I would try to be very fair about finances/support and not try to screw him over. I would expect him to help out with kids stuff/expenses cause the kids are half his and he should have to help support them and pay his share on kids bills- like dentist, doctor. I would not be able to do it all myself on my salary. As far as clothes and such- I would ask that he provide clothing/personal items/ toys for his house, and I would do the same for my house.

    Answer by MizLee at 9:51 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • The child support guidelines are based on the two combined parents income together. The reason for child support is so that the children do not suffer because of a divorce and can be raised in the same socio-economic standards as before. Question is, why are the kids split up half and half? I don't think that's really fair to the children and saw this happen to a child years ago. She's now an adult and doesn't speak to either parent. It makes it all around tough on the children with school and friends and offers little stability. They have probably deemed him the custodial parent if you are the one having to pay child support. Who cares what he makes? The support is for your children. You ladies all wanted equal rights, now y'all are seeing what it's like to want to be a man. I have no sympathy. If women would have stayed women, these cases wouldn't happen.

    Answer by attap5 at 9:53 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • My ex pays 4500 a month in child support I don't need the money I make a good living as a CPA and my husband is the Vice President of his company. My ex is the CEO of a company so the money he sends is nothing to him. He pays what the courts order him to pay. When we divorce we give up the right to decide fully what happens with our kids and money we invite the courts to make those decisions. That is the consequence of divorce.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

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