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2 Bumps

What to do when your kid is standing in front of a speeding train... adult content

My daughter is 15, soon to be sophomore, just got her temps, and has been a generally good kid. She broke up with her boyfriend of 10 months in May, and started seeing a new guy. I liked him at first, he seemed very respectful, charming, etc. But then I found out that he was turning 18, will be a senior, and they had (after less than 2 months of dating) mutually decided to become sexually active.

She is on reliable BC (for ovarian cysts) but I am so worried for her heart. We have also taught her that sex is for loving, honest, adult relationships and is unwise at her age, monitored their contact, etc. While at his house, his folks caught them in a compromising position, but didn't contact me about it until after he turned 18, and NOW they're worried about "bad" things happening (i.e. me reporting him as an adult).

My daughter and I have always been close and can talk about anything, but I just don't know how to handle this. She said they decided not to have sex anymore, and expects me to let them continue seeing each other so they can "make their own mistakes" and "see their relationship through". His folks won't let them be at their house and I'll be danged if he sets foot in my house, and he and his folks are in the midst of all kinds of crazy drama (father/son fistfights, screaming matches, and the boy moved out so he can continue seeing my daughter).

I forbade contact for a while until we get things settled and my daughter went to spend some time with her dad an hour away, but she'll be coming home soon. If you've been in this kind of situation, what did you do and how did it work out for you?

 
terirose22

Asked by terirose22 at 4:27 AM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 12 (783 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • So she's now 15 and he is 18? She's a minor and he is an adult! If you wanted to do something to really prevent them from seeing one another, you could legally! That's the rout I would take if I wanted to keep them away from one another! As far as her saying the 2 of them will no longer be having sex... there's no way I'd believe that, that statement was for your benefit! I have a 16 yr. old daughter and all I can think is if she were in this situation, it would come to an end really quick! My daughter did start seeing some low life jerk last year and of course we were only hearing the good things about him. Later we found out he dropped out of school and had another girl pregnant! Well, lets just say, my husband put "The Fear of God" in him and he went away on his own! She was heartbroke at the time but now realizes we did her a huge favor! Gotta do the tough love mom, good luck!

    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 7:28 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Sit them both down and let them know that the age of consent for the state of Ohio is 16. If he is still interested in your daughter after she turns 16, then great. But until then, they both need to step back and not see each other.

    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 7:34 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • omg what a situation you have on your hands, my daughter is only 6 so its not something I have to worry about for a good many years. All I can say is that I personally would not let my sexually active child date an adult, and I probably would report the boy for stachatory rape. But thats just me. Anyways I'll give you a bump and hopefully someone whos been there can give you some advice

    DianeMary

    Answer by DianeMary at 4:42 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • i have personally been in this situation. (i mean myself not a daughter). i was 17 tho and he was 27.The more my parents tried to keep me away and were against the relationship, the more i whent to go see him (sneaking out, telling them i was with a friend but i was with him). I also had consentual sex for the first time when i was only 14 (i say consentual because my virginity had already been taken at a very young age..i did not have a choice in the matter)..But then again i also came from a very broken home where there was alot of abuse. I can only say from my experience that i would let he continue to see him, i would have a talk with her about the pro's and con's about having sex and leave it up to her to make the decision..i would thuroughly educate her about being responcible and using protection..nut just BC pills but condoms, IMO if she wants to have sex then she is gunna..whether you like it or try and stop it or not
    MonkeyMommyNJ

    Answer by MonkeyMommyNJ at 4:43 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • BTW..the boy is just turned 18..thats less than a full 3 year age gap. IMO, me personally i do not have a problem at all with that. If she was 22 and he just turned 25 would it be a big deal?
    MonkeyMommyNJ

    Answer by MonkeyMommyNJ at 4:45 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • To Monkey mama: You're absolutely right... 22 and 25 is not a big deal, but at that age I don't have to deal with healing broken hearts, possible pregnancy, or any of the 26 kinds of crazy this guy's parents are. Also, she stated that they did use condoms, but it's not just "how" they're having sex that concerns me, it's THAT they are having sex when she knows the stupid risks she's taking...she is still a child and is trying to play a grown up game. I know all kinds of people who got pregnant on birth control and if she wound up pregnant, a guy she's been with less than 2 months would be gone so fast our heads would spin, and SHE would be the one to pay the price. I do appreciate you sharing your story!
    terirose22

    Comment by terirose22 (original poster) at 4:54 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • If age of consent in Ohio is 16 why is this a question? Tell the boy unless he would like to face charges he had better beat it. And mean it.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 7:23 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Honestly, the first thing you should have done is find out ABOUT HIM before you ever allowed your daughter to become his girlfriend and since she's just 15 (when will she be 16?) you probably shouldn't even be allowing her any 1 on 1 time with a boy. My sons were not allowed to 1 on 1 date until they were 11th graders which for them was when they were 16 (turned 16 a few days after the 11th grade started), 17 (turned 18 in the 11th grade), 18 (turned 18 a few weeks before he started the 11th grade) and 16 (turned 17 in the 11th grade) and we monitored their girlfriends....as 9th graders could only like 8th & 9th grade girls, in the 10th grade they could like girls in the 9th and 10th grade, in the 11th they could like girls in the 10th and 11th grade and as 12th graders they could like 10th-12th grade girls. For those over 18 as Seniors WE MADE SURE the girls family KNEW their ages. BE INVOLVED and not a bystander.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:31 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

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