Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

What would you do in this situation?

I am so sick and tired of trying to encourage a relationship between my eldest son and his father! Hr walked out on me when I was pregnant and has never been there for his son. He continually walks in and out of his life! He claims to love him; but never wants him! My son didn't even know who he was till his 3rd birthday. He just dropped him off this weekend and never came back when he said he would take him till August 1st because am in a huge bind right now (Boyfriend and I split; I moved in with friends to save for an apartment; only to have to move back in with the X). He doesn't pay child support (only paid 6 months worth three years ago) even though there is a court order. He never brought any of his clothes back to me (which I bought)!; so I had to go out and buy my son more clothes. I only had three outfits for him; I sent the rest with him so they had clothes when he was there. He is married and they have a 1 year old baby whom he cares for and supports. I don't want to cause problems; but I am so fed up with this! I am in a financial bind and need help! Should I take him back to court and push for the child support to be enforced? He will most likely end up in jail; he was going there last time until I dropped it. I feel bad that the kids will be without "Daddy for 6 months; but I really need him to realize that he has more then one child and I need his help! I know putting him in jail will not get me support but I think it's sure time he grows up! Am I so bad for wanting him to take responsibility for his actions?

 
Mom_Of_3_Angelz

Asked by Mom_Of_3_Angelz at 6:20 AM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,047 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • If it were me I would document everything and then take him back to court. He knows he is supposed to pay child support and he chooses to ignore the court order and not pay. He needs to be held accountable for his actions, and if that means jail time, well then it is his own fault! Maybe some jail-time would be a wake-up call and get him to realize he needs to 'man-up' take responsibility to help support your child. Good luck!!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 9:57 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I would take him back to court! That's pretty messed up, he could have spent more time with his own son and ended up bringing him home way early...not to mention he doesn't support him , I would take him back to court, in fact, I'm in the process of doing that myself. They wanna be shitty father's, fine, these kids are still their responsibility. As far as making him see his father, I never did that to my daughter, that's her choice! Just because they hold that title as "parent", doesn't mean their a good one and if he wanted to see his kid, he would make an effort and he doesn't! If he can support his new baby, he sure as heck can take care of his first born, don't let him get away with it ! You don't get a break from it do you? Neither should he financially!

    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 6:45 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Have him ruled back into court, if he goes to jail it is his fault. He knows what he is supposed to be doing and is not doing it. If he goes to visit it is not your responsibility to send any thing but the clothes on his back and any medicines he might need. You had better start standing up for yourself. Does he have a visitation order? If not I would not send him simply because you would have no legal protection if he didn't bring him back. And as far as him having a relationship with your son it is his father's job to foster that not yours. Certainly don't bad mouth your ex but I wouldn't blow him up as some wonderful person either, let your child form their own opinion about him.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 7:07 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • He needs to be paying support. Bottom line. He made a child and if he isn't going to be there emotionally for the child on any consistent basis, he should at least be paying to support his child. I don't want to sound harsh, but the new girlfriend and baby is not your problem. You two had a child first and after that, if he could not afford his child support and the care of the new wife/gf and baby, he should not have taken on that additional responsibility.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 9:21 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I have tried to talk to him about our son for the last three years! He doesn't support him and never wants to spend time with him! So how is it that I come across as confused and needing to get my head on straight? I want him to grow up and help support his child and be there for him!
    Mom_Of_3_Angelz

    Comment by Mom_Of_3_Angelz (original poster) at 6:41 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • take him back to court. don;t let him get away with it. he is using the fact you are being too nice. just do it. do it for your child. even when you are on your feet. that child support is for the child and the welbeing of the child. and get a court order for visitations bcause hecan keep him if you don;t and law enforcement doesn;t do anything about it. good luck
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 7:22 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I would also take him back to court. In the meantime, document everything he does or doesn't do. He needs a wake-up call. There are so many "fathers" getting away with this kind of situation because women feel sorry for them and don't want to burden them. Maybe if you start the proceedings, he will come around before it has to go to court. Sit him down, in a last attempt to encourage a relationship with your son. Don't try to push one on him if he doesn't want it, but do enforce the support ruling. As your son gets older, he'll see for himself what kind of father he is or isn't. You also need to build a life with your kids, get yourself able to support yourself so you don't have to rely on any man. It won't be easy, but it will give you a chance to focus on yourself and your children. Everyone involved needs to accept responsibility as adults, encouraging happiness for all. Good luck!
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 7:47 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I would be concerned about sending him to live with his father. If he can't pay child support, how the heck is he going to support him if he lives with him. Especially if you have to provide his clothes and such. I'm sorry, but I would NEVER leave my children somewhere "until I got straightened out" unless I was so sick there was no way to do it. You do realize that once he gets him, you'll have to give him a temporary order of custody and he can end up fighting you to keep your son? Moving a child from parent to parent is never good for them. I had a situation when I had my oldest who was a toddler and was pregnant with my second and lived in a shelter for a couple months. I could have easily just given them to their father, I didn't have a job or anything. But I pressed on and didn't let them go for anything.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 9:45 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Take him to court if he goes to jail for not paying support for a child he helped create so be it that will be his choice.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:26 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • There is a court order in effect for visitation. He is suppose to take him every other week during the summer and every other weekend during the school year. He hasn't been taking him since it went into effect back in 2007.
    Mom_Of_3_Angelz

    Comment by Mom_Of_3_Angelz (original poster) at 10:54 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN