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4 Bumps

How can I approach my husband...

about him hiding money to purchase a ridiculous amount of fireworks, and pay for them to be video taped?

We have bills to be paid, and our kids need things for home-school.

I've been with him for 15 years, and just can't understand why he thinks it was an okay thing to do.

I don't want my conversation with him to erupt in anger.

I need advice and constructive criticism, not bashing.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:25 AM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Money & Work

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • You have to sit down with him when you know he'll be receptive to the conversation. Understand that it will probably get ugly because most discussions about money do get ugly. You have to reasonably outline all the expenses that are paid out each week. Men usually need it in black and white. Give him the "We could have paid for this, this, and this had you not done this, this, and this". Ask him where he wants to be in 10 years.....working his butt off to pay off what could have been paid off back when he shot off fireworks OR working his butt off to pay for a huge vacation for the two of you, etc.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:32 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Wow, maybe you should sit down with him and show him what your expenses are and let him try and figure out where the money is going to come from. To me the 4th is such a waste of money anyway, but this is ridiculous. Good luck.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:27 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Is this a one time thing or does he have a habit of hiding money? If it's a one time thing I'd let it go, we all slip sometimes and spend money on things we think are important at the time but find out later it was a waste. If he makes a habit of this sort of thing than it's a bigger deal. I'd sit down and tell him you don't appreciate him hiding money and he'd feel the same if you did it. I'd work out a budget together so you both have some money to spend on frivolous things without having to consult the other.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 9:30 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I think I would say something like, "it is nice that you wanted the kids to have a fireworks and to enjoy the holiday, but with the way finances are it would have been better to cut back and not be so extravagant. That money would have been better spent on things the kids really need like homeschooling supplies. In the future could you please not 'hide' money and discuss your 'plan' with me before doing something like this again?"
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 9:32 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Well, its done and over with....I mean the money is gone. So nothing you can do about it. Maybe just talk to him about when you and him decide to spend over xxxx$$$$ to discuss it before hand, that's what we do. Also we have one joint checking acct and one joint svngs acct that an alloted amounted goes into for bills and savings, and then our own seperate acct with a little left over that is ours to do with as we please no questions asked. But the bills are paid before we get our own little allowance.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 9:32 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Did you and the kids enjoy the fireworks? If so, start with that....tell him ya'll enjoyed them, and the video for memories, but it concerns you that he felt he needed to "hide" money to do it. Fireworks are a big thing with men......boy toys you know. Good luck mama!
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 9:34 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • @RyansMom.. Yes, it was the first time he hid money.

    By the way, I'm not voting down answers. Lol.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:35 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • @Dahis. I have to admit that they were awesome.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:38 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • He lied to you about a pretty big thing. I would just say we need to talk and go from there.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 9:39 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • You have been with him for 15 yrs and this is the first time he has ever done anything like this and it was awesome.

    Obviously, money is tight and he wanted to do something that was family oriented that didn't cost a lot of money (think trip) that the kids will remember for the rest of their lives. This was important to him and some how he was not able to communicate it to you so he felt the need to hide it.

    This is not the end of the world. Sounds like a very sweet gesture. I would tell him thank you for making it a very special 4th. Sorry that the lines of communication where down and that we need to find a way to keep them open so that next time he wont have feel like he has to sneak.
    sipn_mom

    Answer by sipn_mom at 9:51 AM on Jul. 5, 2011