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4 Bumps

Would you wait to air your "dirty little secret"?

Dh and I have been separated for a over a year and are pending a divorce once he returns because he is dragging it out another year and I had to refile through an actual lawyer instead of uncontested.

We have been married for 7 years and it will be 8 this month because we are technically still married. In November I started dating thinking that the uncontested paperwork I gave him would be signed and everything would be over - Here we are in July- This wonderful man has been at my side for 8 months but he has been my "Dirty little secret".

I hate that I have been hiding him because I want the world to know how happy I am and how happy my kids are around him. The county we live in doesn't have any punishment for dating while separated but frowns on it.

My soon to be exdh won't return until January and we will have been waiting for this divorce to be over 2 years by the time we actually get to court! Should I just keep Mr Wonderful hiding from everyone or would you have let the cat out of the bag by now?

Shame on me for not waiting two years for the jerk to get his crap together but the kids and I deserve to be happy! Keep the bashing to yourself, I just want to know if you were in my shoes (I know you aren't but if you were) would you wait or would you just come clean?


Asked by Anonymous at 9:41 AM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I have mixed feelings on this bc I have a friend that is going through his, his wife is trying to get @ least half of what is his but they have been separated for 6 months and she is living with another man. In the AF if he can prove that she is sleeping with the other man she will not get anything in the divorce because since they are still married it is considered cheating. I would say though if you have been separated for that long, and it's HIS fault the divorce isn't finalized yet then there isn't really an issue.

    Answer by AF4life at 10:44 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I never hid it. I am a grown woman and when I divorced I was with someone else and happy. Its no one elses business. Just make sure it wont make your ex drag his feet more. That is really the only problem I can see. If you honestly dont want to be married the marriage is over. The divorce decree is just a piece of paper.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:43 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Does anyone even know you are seperated? If so then why hide?

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 9:42 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Forget your in-laws. Be happy.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 9:47 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Just think of your children. If it won't impact them badly, come on out about your 'dirty little secret'. x

    Answer by Womamhood at 9:49 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I've always told my kids, "If you have to hide it, you shouldn't be doing it." Talk to the kids about it, then introduce your new fella around. Maybe it'll get DH motivated to cut the apron strings if he knows you have nothing to hide.

    Answer by terirose22 at 9:56 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Your in-laws will eventually find out that you have moved on. If they can't accept it it's THEIR problem, not yours. Who cares about his friends? Do you think they would look down upon him if he was dating? Your new boyfriend deserves the respect of you being proud of being with him, in front of EVERYONE. No one else matters except for you, your children and your boyfriend. You don't have to say anything to anyone. Just go about y'alls business and when they find out and ask, just tell them that you are happy. It's none of their business the when, how, why or anything else.

    Answer by attap5 at 10:06 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Are you sure of your state law? The legal ramifications as far as support and such would be my concern. There has to be a reason hour "exdh" is dragging his feet. Just be careful. GL

    Answer by sipn_mom at 10:06 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Really, if your inlaws are all that are holding you back, go for it. Really, I wouldn't care what they thought. If you think it might affect the outcome of your divorce, I would wait though.

    Answer by scout_mom at 10:08 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I only hid it from my son because I didn't want to cause any issues until I knew my now SO was going to make a life with me and I could introduce him. I met him way earlier than I thought I could have - 3 months after we separated. My ex-husband found out by snooping in my house and put me through emotional hell. My SO stood by it all with me; I mean we were legally separated and in the middle of divorce. He was so good about everything and when it was final I asked my son if he wanted to meet my friend and he did. It has been good, thankfully. My ex took a while to deal with it but he has finally.

    As my lawyer told me, it wouldn't affect the outcome of my divorce, but don't rub it in my ex's face since he was so hostile (and I really hid it from him other than him snooping in my stuff), and not bring him around my son until we were all ready for it. And that's what I intended on and what I did.

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:19 AM on Jul. 5, 2011