Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

A Must-Read for Anyone Adopting From Foster Care!!!

This is a two-part series about foster care.  It is very eye-openning.

http://nutcookie.blogspot.com/2011/07/what-its-like-to-end-up-in-hell-part-1.html

http://nutcookie.blogspot.com/2011/07/what-its-like-to-end-up-in-hell-part-2.html

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (16)
  • I read it and it is heartbreaking. Thank Goodness for the good Foster Moms/Homes who give their blood, sweat and tears (all literally) for these children during this impossibly hard time in their lives.
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 10:36 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • WOW. and so sad.
    cueballsmom

    Answer by cueballsmom at 10:42 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Well, I adopted from foster care and I can assure you that there were deeper issues than the way they were dressed and them not having expensive toys. It's hard to accept but sometimes kids are abused and neglected by their biological parents even when the family has support. My twins first parent's received thousands and thousands of dollars in therapy, multiple rehab programs, multiple parenting classes,personal parent aides, housing and food help, free child care to help lighten their parenting responsibilities and every other service under the sun and yet the family still was not able to parent safely. Terminating their parental rights took YEARS and several removals from the home. The rights of the biological parent's to parent their children FAR outweighed my sweet little girls right to a safe, loving home where they could reach their full potential.

    Luuckymommy

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 10:43 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • funny how the author never metions WHY her baby was taken in the first place..she ca advocate against the foster care system all she wants but all I see is a bitter woman. Yes I get why, but as the custodial stepmom of a very damaged boy, damaged by his bio mom AND his foster home, I want to know what she did to be put in this place to begin with...CPS does not hang out in maternity wards looking for biracial babies. My son's bio mom takes no blame either...she was allowed supervised visits, but she hasnt seen him in 5 years, we havnt he will comeheard from her in 3....she always tells any one who will listen to her sad story (minus the details of leaving him without medical treatment, having a babysitter that was also a meth dealer, leaving him alone for hours, finally having the police pick him up wandering unattended at 7am, he was 2&1/2) that one day she knows he will come looking for her..he wont..he is too brain damaged
    shivasgirl

    Answer by shivasgirl at 11:00 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • As a sister to 4 adopted siblings, I just have to shake my head at this. I know their stories. I know the hell they came from. CPS didn't just decide to swoop in and pick up a few kids just for the heck of it one day. If CPS hadn't gotten involved my siblings could have DIED. 

    asmcbride

    Answer by asmcbride at 11:44 AM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I agree in giving families a chance at success. In assisting as much as possible to reunite a healthier family. But there are many cases where you can get all the assistance in the world and piss on it. That being said I do no it is not easy for many parents to tackle treatment plans. We blame them for losing jobs, not showing up to scheduled visitations, not attending parenting classes....when in reality their personal treatment plan was not very personal or thought about that specific family and needs. While not a perfect system, it is the system we have that truly does save lives. It may not be a picnic but it is far better than ignoring the realities of abuse and neglect. Far more often children are more likely to continue to live in abusive situations from lack of support by not calling social services. There is this absurd idea it is better to live as you are than to be in foster care. There are plenty
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:32 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • of Hells far worse than foster homes. This idea that I am waiting to swoop in and take your child from healthy home is rediculous. The criteria for removal is great. People just don't want to believe we have so much abuse in our country. Yes, yes we do.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:36 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • To the poster who said this woman sounded bitter, I'd sound bitter too and If it happened to you no doubt you'd be bitter too. I've no doubt that children end up in foster care who don't belong. meanwhile I have no doubt that CPS is an important entity protecting children from abuse, ofter severe abuse.

    I do agree with her first sentence "Yesterday I was incensed over the statement that adoptive parents should be entitled to a child that is not "damaged" by the foster care system. " I'm incensed too, but not for the same reason that she is. I'm incensed that someone would say that adoptive parents should be "entitled" to any child.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:00 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I separate fostering from adoption. All children have the right to a safe and compassionate home but it is not a right to have adults assume they should parent. Different thing completely. It is really a very complex issue with multiple layers upon layers. Everyone thinks they have the answers but in reality I don't see any quick fix. For starters: I hate cookie cutter treatment plans where every parent has the same plan. In my county no one has a different plan.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 3:34 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I do agree with her first sentence "Yesterday I was incensed over the statement that adoptive parents should be entitled to a child that is not "damaged" by the foster care system. " I'm incensed too, but not for the same reason that she is. I'm incensed that someone would say that adoptive parents should be "entitled" to any child.

    I don't even know where to begin when the idea of being "entitled" to a child. Sometimes I have to smack the rose colored glasses off my face and be reminded some people really think this way. I know for a fact not all adoptive mothers do, but damn that is a hard pill to swallow.
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 3:34 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN