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I know it's not 1940, but is it okay to have a baby and not be married?!

I've never batted an eye at a friend who had a baby without being married and have always respected his/her decision. As a divorcee, I understand that living with someone who makes you miserable is very unhealthy. However, I am 34 and have been in a relationship for 2.5 years and am pregnant for the first time. He is Catholic (I'm not) and he immediately insisted on getting married, but I kind of shot that idea down. I love him dearly, but don't want to feel that I HAVE to get married. Now as I'm in my 2nd trimester, I'm starting to wonder if maybe it's better? I realize that times of have changed and it shouldn't be an issue, but there is a part of me that wants to make my baby's life "normal" and have Mom and Dad married? What is your initial thought when you see unmarried couples with children who live together but haven't committed via marriage?

Answer Question
 
bigbrownk9

Asked by bigbrownk9 at 12:45 PM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (18 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Do not get married if you are not ready. For me marriage first then kids. That is what worked for us. May not be what works for you.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 12:48 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I think ideally you should be married before having children, but only because I like the idea of creating a stable home environment before bringing a child in. However, being pregnant in my opinion is NOT a reason to get married. You get married because you WANT to spend the rest of your life with that person, not because you feel you now HAVE to. I was not married when I got pregnant, and 3 years later I am still not married, though we have always been together. If we decide one day that we want to it will be because are fully ready to commit to each other in every way, and not for any other reason.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • To me if you are willing to have children with a man you should be willing to marry him.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 12:59 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • i was one of them.. i had my 1st kid and wasn't married.. now i'm having my 3rd and got divorced and i'm not married yet, but we want to get married before the baby comes..

    my cousin had 2 kids with 2 different men and didn't marry them.
    proudmommy690

    Answer by proudmommy690 at 1:03 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Yes times have changed but I'm a little old fashioned. I understand that surprises happen. But, personally, I'm all for the marriage THEN baby. But thats just me
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 1:05 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Do what YOU think is right. My son was 6 months old when his father and I got married. It was an ultimatum wedding that, now looking back, I wish I'd said forget it too. I'm not totally unhappy, but I HATE ultimatums.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:30 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I got pregnant before I was married. We pretty much got engaged right away but got married when our daughter was a year old. Children should not be the reason to get married. They might be a reason, but should not be THE reason. If you were considering marrying him before you got pregnany then maybe you should go ahead and marry him now. But if marriage wasn't even a thought before the pregnancy, I would hold off. Wait and see how you work as a parenting team before you commit to marriage with him. As a 'child" of divorce, I think it is much worse for the children to go through a divorce with their parents, than grow up with parents who aren't married.

    Bluebird8874

    Answer by Bluebird8874 at 1:31 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I don't really plan on ever being married.
    kit_manson

    Answer by kit_manson at 3:13 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

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