Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

10 Bumps

Is anyone or has anyone been in an emotionally abusive relationship?

I've had a lot on my plate lately with things like dealing with panic/anxiety attacks, getting put on Lexapro and as of last week losing my job. On top of this, I'm at my wits end with my SO. Since i've taken the steps to really get some help, he has been nothing but mean and condescending. Before this, and more so now, he has blamed me for his temper tantrums, yells at me for petty things in front of our son which makes me even more upset, has called me names like worthless, lazy, and irresponsible. I find it rather absurd since i'm the one who was working and paid all the bills. The rent, the cable, the electricity, the heat & hot water. Everytime he does this, he makes it out like I don't do anything. He doesn't care that he hurts my feelings and yesterday went so far as to do the laundry, which he never does. Except out of spite, he didn't do any of mine, just his and our son's. I'm sick of it.

I just want to know if there are other women out there who can give me pointers on how to just let this go. I know what I have to do, and I will do it. The problem is down the road thinking it will get better if I let him back in. Any suggestions?

Answer Question

Asked by DJsMommy610 at 12:58 PM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,935 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Yes. I have been there....He needs help. It took my husband knowing he could lose me to change, and then we had to both work very hard on our marriage.....we made the commitment that we would both work on the marriage and divorce would not be an option....Unfortunately, until he gets to that point, it will not get better...or it may never get better.....

    Answer by Anna92464 at 1:06 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I was in this situation and left. I learned how to be alone and really focused on learning what I needed to do with me and what my short comings were. Once I realized that he was just being insecure and using me as an excuse it got alot better. We are back together and I just ignore his grumpy moods and temper tantrums and the funny thing is, he realizes now, that it is him. I pray alot and I say nothing instead of arguing and the mood stops a hundred times quicker than it used to. You have to make the decision if you are willing to stay and get over it or not. Good luck.


    Answer by amazinggrace83 at 1:09 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • My ex-husband was so emotionally abusive. I have Multiple Sclerosis and would have attacks that would cause forgetfulness and confusion and he was not understanding at all! He was call me an idiot and it hurt so much! At times when you are in the most need (under stress, etc), you need and deserve SUPPORT from your mate! If you are not getting it, cut your losses and move on! I did, now I am with a man that is so helpful, understanding, thoughtful and he NEVER hurts my feelings! My man does the dished, laundry etc... and NEVER complains! There are GOOD men in the world ... stop settling for less!!!! Be strong, stand up for yourself! I would let him go - or at least sit down and explain that you do not want to hear him continue to be condescending toward you any longer! Good luck, sending good vibes your way!!

    Answer by isismoon3 at 1:09 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I can't really suggest anything, as we are all different. But yes, I have.

    Answer by .MhacFoirfe. at 1:10 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Yes

    Answer by tspillane at 1:12 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • yep ive been there i usually flee

    Answer by lizzybee44 at 1:29 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • It will only get worse...leave now, before it turns physical.

    Answer by momof3trs at 1:47 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • This sounds like my ex-husband. If I did not think/act/say/do/react the way he though I should think/act/say/do/react HE turned into a toddler and had a HUGE tantrum. MY last straw was when he left his one and only bruise, on my 21st birthday, that broke the last promise he'd made to me. I walked then and there (we'd only been married 6 months). For the rest of the weekend he blew up my phone begging me to take him back. He even had our mutual friends call me and beg for him. Meanwhile he got drunker and drunker because *I* left *him*.

    Walking was the easy part. The harder thing was to keep saying no every time he called with this,that, and the other promise that he'd change/be different. When he's begging you to take him back, remember all the nasty, belittling, spiteful, childish things he's said. And, use that anger to keep telling him NO. You'll be better off for saying NO WAY!

    Answer by Rosehawk at 2:16 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Thank you ladies for your input. I really appreciate it. I know i'm better than this, but sometimes I'm my own worst enemy. I'm going to take action tonight and hope for the best. Fingers crossed.

    Comment by DJsMommy610 (original poster) at 4:32 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • if its hurting u more then its helping it might be time to leave. i had an abusive boyfriend a long time ago, and i realize the situation is a lot different when u have kids. but this guy really hurt me emotionally yes some relationships can be healed but if hes treating u like that i wouldnt stay im sure its easier said then done and i dunno what kinda transportation or support u have but id get some before u make any moves. be careful your worth a lot more then that. my ex woulda started hitting me if i had of stayed with him. so glad i got away from the sob.sorry for the language but thats what he is. i understand hes the father of your child but thats not a reason for u to be treated like that. good luck hunny and i hope everything works out for u and your son.

    Answer by luckygirl2000 at 5:44 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.