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OMG, WOW-What should I do in this situation?!? Ladies, please HELP!?!

Sorry in advance if this is long, but I want to give you as much details as possible, because I am not sure what to do, and I REALLY NEED HELP, (now) !!
I'll start from the beginning. I dated a guy for five and half months, but we knew each other for a year and a half before dating. We were friends and co-workers. In the beginning, he was honest and upfront, letting me know he had just broken up with his ex very, very recently. Anyhow, in the five and half months we dated, we talked on the phone everyday, texted everyday, saw each other all the time, and generally had a good time with each other. We were like really good friends, in addition to being partners. We have mutal friends, similar interests, likes, views, morales, values, finish each other's sentences, etc. We're just very-well matched. He's a really nice and wonderful guy, and has always treated me well. I've never thought in my 27 years, that any guy I've dated was the one (not even the father of my two kids), but I definitely feel that I have found the one. Well, after five and half months, his ex, (who he has been on and off with for years), comes back into the picture and has no where to live, etc. He lets her move into his house, and decides to "work out things with her". But, then, a week later, I get this call in the middle of the night, how "he's on the fence, it's possible to love two people, " etc, . Basically, he's confused. He comes over to my house, and we talk some more, (for about two hours, and nothing happened sexually) and I let him know how I feel about him, how much I really love and care about him. He lets me know he feels the same way. So, still nothing is really resolved. He still confused, but still in this realtionship with her now. So, I tried to move on, and let it go. Again, in my heart, I've never felt like anyone is more the one or loved any one more, but I tried to let go. A month goes by, which was difficult considering how much we talk and stuff, but I didn't call or anything, I still was trying to let go. A "friend" of mine, who I still do not know who, calls him on Friday (7/1) and tells him, I need my air conditioner fixed, and I am also having some financially difficult paying my rent this month (because I am on summer break from job, I return to work in August). So, he calls me twice, and does not reach me. He finally tries, and third time, and to my suprise (I didn't know at that time, he had called me previously) I answer and it is him, and I'm shocked because I'm not sure why he is calling. He briefly asked me if I need the air conditioning fixed, and I'm like "sure, but if you're not able to it's okay, no big deal". He's says "No, he'll fix it, he'll be right over". He comes to my house, and as soon as I open the door, he's smiling, like he's excited to see me. He fixes the air conditioner, and tells me how this "friend" called him, but he wasn't sure who it was. And I told him, "Neither do I, because you know I would never have someone call you, and it's really embarassing, that someone would do that" And he says, "It's okay, whoever it was, was just looking out for you, it's okay." Then, he tells me that this "friend" also told him that I am having some financially difficult paying my rent this month. So, he asked me, "how much money do I need?" I reply, "To be honest with you, I do not feel right ask you for that amount of money, or any money, you know that". He says, "Okay, how about you don't ask me, and I'll just give it to you anyway". So, he gives me the $700.00 for my rent, and tells me don't worry about paying it back, it's okay. I told him "Thank you", and that I really appreciate it." He told me, "It's okay..and don't be embarrassed. You'll be back to work next month, in August", and things get hard sometimes, it okay" . He talks to me some more for about another hour, and then he leaves (important to note again--nothing happened sexually, although, I could feel the sexual tension in the room, you could cut it with a knife it was so thick). So, that was two days ago, and I'm not sure what I should do.
I've tried to get over him, but I can't..I can't stop thinking about him. Him coming to my house, two days ago, did not help, either. I am not sure what to do, I'm totally in love with this man, and it's obvious he still cares for me. What should I do? Please, help!!

***UPDATE**** He called me last night (7/5) to "check on me", and see how the AC and things were going.....

 Thank you in advance for your help,
Theresa                        (thanks)!!!

Answer Question

Asked by momof3trs at 1:40 PM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (27 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • He wants his cake and eat it too. You need to move on. It is his loss.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 1:52 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Well, even though I'm sure he still is emotionally connected to you, the fact is that he's living with another woman. He knows how you feel about him, you made that very clear, so the ball is in his court now. If he wants you, he will break things off with the other woman. Until then, I'd stay as far away from him as possible. As long as he's in another relationship, I see nothing but heartache for you...

    Answer by Anouck at 1:52 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I wonder if he is not one of those guys with the need to be the hero. He helped out the ex and was her hero and now he comes riding to the rescue for you. Sounds like he might be a great guy and all but always needs to rescue the next person no matter what it costs him. I guess the only way to know for sure is to put it out there even more than you already have. Tell him that you have feelings for him again and tell him to just be honest if he thinks this will go anywhere or not, if he thinks so then it is time to discuss the live in ex and if not then it is time to tell him thank you for being a friend and helping you out and move on. Don't let him back in because then you fall right back to wanting him around. The word no is hard to say but might save you lots of heartache!

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 2:33 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • yes, he is one of thgose guys that likes to be the hero, partly because he is so nice...he used to joke that he would rescue me....Thanks, for your answer!

    Comment by momof3trs (original poster) at 2:43 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • This is not a healthy situation for you. This sounds quite similar to the relationship my adult daughter was recently in... the guy is still calling her sometimes. This man is emotionally unavailable. That is the worst, most heart-breaking type of relationship to pursue because everything else seems right, but the things that will bring you happiness in a relationship include full commitment and emotional availability. He is not there for you 100%. He has an attachment that is not at all resolved to this other woman. What good can possibly come out of this? Do you think he will just wake up and realize one day that you're the one for him and boot her out and sweep you off your feet? That is not going to happen. My daughter felt much the same about her man and he was really great in many ways. However, I would guess that there are some other things you are not being honest with yourself about....

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:55 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Return the money to him STAT, and move on. This is a Judge Judy case in the making.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:04 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • ...And did I add that I still have to work with him--which will mean I will have to see him everyday...

    Comment by momof3trs (original poster) at 3:23 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Well, the first thing to do is to find out who this friend is and tell them to stop telling him your business. Secondly, he choose another woman over you and not to sound mean or rude but if he truely wanted to be in a relationship with you, he would've stopped his ex from moving back in and continued the relationship with you...I know you love this guy but it sounds like he could use a crach course in treating people correctly. He's not confused, he thought you would agree to being in a relationship with him while his girlfriend lived with him...Start going out and finding other interest to get this man off your mind...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 4:46 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

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