Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

HOW DO YOU TELL A 17 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER NOT TO DO SOMETHING?

SHE IS SEEING THIS GUY WHO HAS BEEN ABUSIVE VERBALLY AND I DON'T LIKE HIM AND SHE REFUSES NOT TO SEE HIM.

Answer Question
 
PAMELA5150

Asked by PAMELA5150 at 1:26 PM on Jun. 19, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Welcome to one of the mysteries of life. The problem is that you have to appeal to her sense of reason and personal self worth. You can't tell a 17 year old most things, as they are likely just to figure out how to do it behind your back.

    Sometimes if you can impose an outrageously simple punishment (like you can't see him if you don't do the dishes) will help. As they will put off doing something if they know its wrong.

    A good example often helps, if you aren't pushy about it.

    Spend extra time with your child and make it good times to have it help our case.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • Unfortunately, you can't tell a 17-year-old much. Is he over 18? Since she is not, if he is, then there may be legal routes that you can take in your area.

    Sorry I can't be more helpful.

    I hope this all works out for you.
    kaseysmommy1003

    Answer by kaseysmommy1003 at 1:34 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • as far as the legal routes, i really doubt you have one....first of all, the age of consent in most states is 16, and that law only matters in the first place if you can prove they are having sex.....honestly, just about the only thing you can do is be there for her when she falls if it comes to that
    LoriaAnn

    Answer by LoriaAnn at 1:45 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • u dont flat out tell a teenager to do something imo and most peoples tehy just want to do it more..Talk to her..Let her knwo ure reasons..and tell her u woudl like her nott oo..eventually shell probably move on ..since shes so young..I only tlak form experience lol
    mamabear_7985

    Answer by mamabear_7985 at 1:47 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • Maybe you could do something to make her see less of him. This has worked for me so far. I don't like my 16 year old daughter's boyfriend. I am not going into why here but I do not allow him in our home anymore. Because of this she is only able to see him once or twice a week, which is far less than before. Maybe you can try something like that.
    girlnterupted

    Answer by girlnterupted at 4:05 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • I can almost put my life on this but if she is being verbally abused you can bet physical abuse is happening or will follow soon. I know this because I was once your daughter and it cost me 16 years of my life. My parents tried everything they could to keep me away from him but the harder they tried the more I "loved" him. You won't see the bruises or the marks because if she isn't yet, she will become a very good liar and make up excuses as to how she got them or they are just in places that can't be seen yet. I am not trying to scare you here wait yes I am, maybe let your daughter read this. There is nothing you can do other than be there for your daughter. Remember the more you push the more she will want to be with him. Check with your local womens shelter to see if they can give better advice. I had to stay at one with my 3 children and to this day we are in hiding and I am 40 years old. I wish I would not have been so stubborn and just listened to my parents back then.
    momofbrats

    Answer by momofbrats at 9:37 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • cont.... Good luck my friend and God Bless you and your daughter. You will forever be in my thoughts!!
    momofbrats

    Answer by momofbrats at 9:41 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • Instead of telling her what she can and can't do, maybe you need to remind her what she is worth. If she tells you about him yelling at her, remind her that she does not deserve to be talked to like that. Tell her that it is ok to stick up for herself and not put up with verbal abuse. Sometimes us girls forget what we are worth...
    MissesV

    Answer by MissesV at 10:54 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • well i'm 17 years old and my mother also told me i couldnt see my boyfriend. It just makes things worse. She wont respect you leat alone want to be around you. As horrible as it sounds I count down the days until I turn 18 so I can move out. My mom & I fight on a daily basis. We used to be very close. Actually she WAS my best friend. Now I could careless if I am ever close to her again. I know you dont want that just like she wont want that. Just let her be happy and be with who she wants to be with. If he treats her bad she will realize it and do something about it. So jsut let her be with him. And dont believe everythig you hear. Thats what started things with me & my mom. She listened to he said she said stuff and now she pretty much lost a daughter. I really hope this helps. I know I was straight forward about it, but I have been and still going through it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • Dear anonymus, with no disrespect, but at 17 we do NOT know what is best for us. I know I was there. And I can tell you now the ONLY reason I stayed with my boyfreind at the time was to "get back" at my parents for "telling what to do". It ended up almost costing me my life and nearly ruined it. If you know your child is with the wrong person how can you as a parent be happy? I do hope you and your mother can be best friends again and I am almost sure you will be because I "hated" my mother when she tried to get in my business. I just wish kids today (including my own)would learn to take the advice and not be so pig headed about the advice we give, I tell my kids all the time I am not telling you what to do or not do it's because I know becasue either it happened to me or someone I knew. Don't hate your mom sweetie, she is the only person that you have in your life who will be there for you unconditionally.
    momofbrats

    Answer by momofbrats at 4:52 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN