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3 Bumps

Ex-Wife question

For those of you who have to deal with an ex-wife.. have you ever tried to be friends with them? If so how did you go about it? How did it work out?

My fiances ex wife is full of drama and hates me, but shes never met me. I have no ill feelings towards her and I would really like for things to be okay between us for the sake of my fiances daughter. Do I try? Or do I leave it be?

Answer Question
 
RigPrincess85

Asked by RigPrincess85 at 4:40 PM on Jul. 5, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,465 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • my DH ex hates me she has hated me since day one. and she has said she will do anything she has to to make us break up. she is jealous of our relationship and she use to try to keep his child from him using me as a excuse saying i am a whore and blah blah and she didnt even know me. we have been together since his daughter was 6 months old and she turns 4 in sept. and she stiill hates me. she use to keep him from his child and say he was a dead beat dad. so we went and got joint custody and stuff so we could see his daughter, my step daughter. adn she still makes up crazy drama stuff and she brings all her boyfriends into it and then end up leaving her bc of it bc she is full of drama.

    it will neer go away i love my DH and step daugther and i wouldnt leave him just bc of his ex. if you love your husband and want to make it work you have to learn to ignore her and not let her get to you or it wont work out.
    alw06tchs

    Answer by alw06tchs at 4:46 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I would use baby steps, a lot depends on how long ago she and your fiance broke up and how that relationship ended, so a lot is out of your hands. If you treat her child well and are considerate towards her maybe she will thaw.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 4:48 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I think she fears that I'm trying to replace her as a mom .. but I would never do that. She'll always be her mom.
    RigPrincess85

    Comment by RigPrincess85 (original poster) at 4:50 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I have not personally been in this situation, but I have witnesses many friends who have attempted to be friends with the ex and I have even more friends who are the "Ex".

    If she hates your guts without even meeting you, it sounds like it will be close to impossible to win her over as a friend. I would just try to make things civil. After viewing my friends, a common trend I noticed is the stepmom would take on too much of the mommy role from the perspective of the mother. And, when a situation arose when the stepmom could have won favor with the ex, they did not take it because they preferred to look like the heroine. For instance, the ex consistently forgets to plan her day correctly so she if often running late and sometimes upsets the kids. When the ex shows up and tries to win them over mcdonalds, the kids give her grief and say stepmom already made them yummy chicken and fries. Cont............
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 4:52 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Offer to go out to coffee with her. It makes a WORLD of difference.
    Ataemommy

    Answer by Ataemommy at 4:55 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • ................cont.

    That's the perfect opportunity to say something like, "Oh your mom called earlier and said she was running late so I went ahead and made you all lunch so you guys could go have ice cream and play on the playground with your mom. I am so sorry I forgot to tell you that kids." Instead, most stepmoms would be smug about the all mighty hell giving ex and not help out at all.

    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 4:56 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • I've been nothing but friendly to my dh's ex's face but she is cold and rude, rude, rude. I was hoping for the same things as you but it's not in the cards...at least not this hand. I've heard of everyone getting along. Heck, I've seen it. Good luck...you may need it.
    BluDog

    Answer by BluDog at 4:57 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Maybe you could write her a short letter explaining your position. I wouldn't try to be friends. You husband should do all the arranging of things for his daughter. grannywilson
    grannywilson

    Answer by grannywilson at 5:02 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • yeah, I've tried to be friends with my DH's ex and it bombed. she's a nut job and completely obsessed with my DH. she hates me and tries to cause trouble for me/us. I just ignore her. my DH and I feel very sorry for her and wish she would get a clue and some counseling for her serious mental health issues. sometimes it's best not to even bother trying to get along. if his ex can't manage to be an adult there probably isn't any hope for you either. sounds like she's got issues.
    mmsfirstone

    Answer by mmsfirstone at 8:17 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • Why be her friend?? Just be civil!!
    Helen2004

    Answer by Helen2004 at 9:35 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

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